Sunday, November 11, 2012

Focus

I seem to feel pretty awful in the morning with this illness, then feel decent (but tired) in the early afternoon, and then feel bad again in the evening. So right now I am just at the end of that window of feeling decent. So I wanted to write a bit. (I just threw in a load of towels to wash because the laundry has reallly piled up while I have been sick... and guess what? My washer stopped working. Great... one more thing.)

Anyway, I have had this overwhelming feeling that I just need to freaking FOCUS already. I know it shows in my blog posts (because I am very frank about where I am mentally and emotionally on this blog) and I want you to know I am acutely aware of the muck and mire I have been slogging through with my thinking, my dieting, my exercise, the whole shebang. I know. It has been hard. I am proud of myself for not stopping, standing still, letting the quicksand take me... but I need to quit mucking about and just FOCUS. Not just on weight loss or diet or exercise, but on ALL of the things in my life that I need to focus on. It is absolutely never about just weight and diet, although that's what I blog about. It's about avoidance, about trying *not* to deal with or think about things, and going into one's own lala land where the stressful stuff doesn't exist.

I have a lot of things I need to focus on, and the problem with lack of focus is the amount of time and effort it takes to get anywhere. Say I need to clean the kitchen. I can go in there, start to wipe the counters, get distracted and go make a phone call, go back and wash a few dishes but then stop to take the dogs for a walk, then go back and start to sweep but put the broom down and go watch TV... and this can go on and one for the entire day and by 9pm I have spent all day "cleaning the kitchen" and still do not have a clean kitchen. You know?

If I keep dabbling in weight loss the way I have, the year is going to pass with a ton of effort and very few results. Like the kitchen. If I keep dabbling in all the other things in my life that need my *focus*, none of that will get done either. And then I am frustrated.

To me, focus is about not allowing distractions. It's about not letting other things come between me and my goals. I have been way too distracted and getting nowhere. It's just got to stop. Somewhere in me is that drive and energy to put into that focus. I need to dig it out and start using it.

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

I know exactly what you mean. You've got this!

Feel better.

Anonymous said...

Have you weighed lately? I was wondering what was happening with your weight since you posted a loss last time.

Lyn said...

Anonymous~

I haven't weighed since then, no. The last number I saw was 219.

Miz said...

ahhh I needed to hear the snipped about not not not ALLOWING distractions.

duly heard.

purpleivy said...

It's like reading about myself re distractions!

CatherineMarie said...

When I have that kind of issue of feeling lack of focus, I try to concentrate on one thing until it is done. One small thing. Try to start small, baby steps. Sometimes we all have to go back to baby stepping.

Anonymous said...

Ditto, big time. For me, either everything's coming together or everything's coming apart.

And when we're so happy when everything's coming together, why is it we let the wheels fall off? Various reasons I guess but your mention of la-la land rings a bell.

Everything's coming together for me, right now, and it feels solid and good. Three-pronged approach: A solid ban on eating other than at the table, 10,000 steps a day and hot yoga daily (or substitute yoga at home occasionally).

I feel alive! I feel like life is possible. A coma is not attracting me.

Bingo on the necessity to focus, too. I can go months, years, always "trying to lose weight," never actually just saying to hell with the whole thing. Not EVER! And yet, without the focus, it's like the kitchen. Just does not happen.

Here's to maintaining the focus and losing the weight: WE CAN DO THIS!

Arabella

Crabby McSlacker said...

Sorry to hear it's getting so frustrating, but I so know what you mean about the Focus thing. And then feeling guilty no matter what you ARE doing because there's something else that you SHOULD be doing... totally counterproductive but so hard not to do!

For me, I sometimes have to take a couple minutes in the morning to sort out priorities for the day, and ditch the whole big "to do" list thing, and just pick one or two to get to. Oh, and then I get a reward, which could be something like an hour to do WHATEVER I feel like doing... which weirdly enough, often ends up being something at least vaguely productive!

Good luck at finding your focus again, I suspect you will soon! You sound quite ready and determined.

Taryl said...

I hear you. Sometimes focus is hard to come by, but when you're ready for it seize the day and ride the momentum!

Anonymous said...

Hi Lyn,

I was just wondering if you have ever considered therapy? I know it can have a negative stigma but it shouldn't. There is no way I would be where I am today with my weight loss if I hadn't had my therapist. Also, I completely understand what you mean with the focus thing. I am NOT a doctor and I am NOT saying you have it...but I am saying that it sounds like you have some ADHD SYMPTOMS. I only say this because I have ADHD symptoms (I actually call them tendencies) but I DO NOT have ADHD...I hope this makes sense. Anyway, after a year without a therapist (I moved) I found one again to help me refocus on weight loss and on reigning in my ADHD tendencies. I've only be seeing her for about a month, but I am already feeling better about my life in general.

Sorry, this is just my long winded way to say that I think therapy is incredibly beneficial and maybe it would be helpful to you as well.

-Kristin

Lyn said...

Kristin~

No negative connotation at all. I think therapy can be very helpful. I have had two very helpful counselors in the past... not eating disorder specialists, since there are none in my area, but just general counseling.

16 blessings'mom said...

Lyn, sounds like you were looking in my windows with your description of kitchen cleaning. So glad I am not the only one who gets so distracted! I think you are amazing though, how you don't give up!!!

Anonymous said...

Just discovered your blog. I'm working on losing weight and am at the halfway point and have been struggling, trying to figure things out. It's like that great pic you put up on the "real" map to success (not a straight line). I read a huge chunk of your posts this past week and this one on focus really spoke to me. I utterly related to it and it gave me a new angle to think about. Can't tell you how many times that very thing has happened to me in the kitchen or with house cleaning, but hadn't thought of it in terms of my weight loss or getting more focused on making a better (happier) more present life. Anyway, just wanted to say thank you! Your journey and honesty with how hard it is is very inspiring.