Boy my eating was weird today. I just wanted to eat and eat. I kept thinking about ice cream. I didn't cave, though. But I ate more calories than usual:
83 g carbs (19%)
79 g protein (18%)
129 g fat (63%)
Most of my 'extras' were in the form of fat. I was very focused on NOT eating too many carbs even if I was eating more calories, and I did accomplish that goal. I even went shopping and was very drawn to the candy aisle... even looked at the "sugar free" candy for a minute but that stuff always makes me feel sick, so I walked away from it. Instead I bought a bunch of ripe avocados and came home and ate one.
And then I was thinking about how, now that I try to keep my carbs lower (usually much lower than today, but at least under 85-100g) I tend to eat more artificial sweeteners. I had gotten away from the stuff and now am using them again more and more: low carb shakes, bars, the old Medifast foods, sugar free syrups in my cooking and even in my coffee sometimes. I don't like it. I waver between thinking "it's just a crutch to get through this weight loss" and "I shouldn't be eating this stuff, it is bad for me." But when you remove fruit and honey there really isn't much "sweet" left. And I do like something sweet once in awhile. Even if it was just berries. Maybe I'd be okay to eat some berries... I am just trying to avoid carbs. I have cut out most fruit, sugars, milk, grains, etc. I am ok with it, I can be fine having something as simple as a sugar free jello cup for my sweet fix, but again, part of me thinks "fruit HAS to be better than this!" And then I think about how important it is to keep the carbs down. I am truly a believer in that now. I think it is essential I keep my carbs low for my health. I think my insulin response is broken. I want to heal my body and eating a bunch of carbs... even healthy carbs... isn't going to fix it.
So my mind goes back to the Whole 30. Before, it seemed SO extreme. It was so far from what I was doing. But now... it is not so far. I have cut out the grains, white potatoes, beans, sweets and milk. I drink my coffee black. But... I would need to eliminate a few more things:
cheese, yogurt, sour cream and butter
processed food (bars, shakes, etc)
peanuts and soy sauce
and omg the bacon!!
Nothing terribly hard (well maybe the bacon!); I am already willing to give up those artificial sweeteners especially if I can have some fruit. I wouldn't care about peanuts since I like other nuts just as well. I don't mind olive oil instead of butter. I would miss the cheese and yogurt but it isn't that important to me. Honestly the hangup in my own brain is the processed food. I know, crazy. But I have ALL this stuff. I probably have a couple hundred bucks worth of soy crisps, protein bars, shakes and shake powders, Medifast meals, and other high protein/low carb snacks sitting around. They are so convenient! I can do the work of making lists of other convenient, high protein low carb snacks that are natural. I am working on it now (well, one of the convenience foods was Greek yogurt but that's out on the Whole 30). Can't eat hummus... no more cheese sticks... not sure what I could grab and take with me that doesn't need a cooler but I am working on it. The other thing about those processed foods is I don't want to "waste" them. Now, you know me. I have no problem trashing an entire cake or box of cookies if they are tempting me, because "my body is not a trash can" and "it is more wasted if I eat it because I don't need the calories and it is hurting me." I have gotten reamed in the comments in the past for throwing away food that was calling to me to eat it... but food banks don't take opened food, and sometimes I just don't have anyone around to give it to. So I throw it out. It's not about "waste" in that sense. It is about me still thinking all of these processed foods are good for me in some sense... that they fill a need. They help me stay low on carbs and high on protein because they taste really good and are so convenient. I do not want to throw them out, I don't want to give them away, in fact I am kind of dependant on them I guess. I can't imagine doing a weekend trip with just sliced up meats, veggies and fruits. Some nuts are okay, but that can add up fast! Anyway, I am actually mulling this over and feel closer to doing a Whole 30 than I ever have before. I will keep edging towards it over time.
That's all for now...
Friday Update and Reality Check
18 hours ago