One of my favorite "hobbies" back when I was morbidly obese and PMSing (or not) was to go online and look up recipes for lots of different comfort foods. I'd type "macaroni and cheese" or "cookies" into Google, click Images, and ramp myself up into a frenzy looking at all the fantastic-looking pictures. I'd find the one that "did the most" for me and set to work cooking it. Didn't matter what it was, I was passionate about that cooking. Most of the time I'd make a large batch for dinner or dessert with the family, but sometimes I'd eat it all myself. And then, usually it was not quite perfect enough, so I'd be back on Google looking for a better one. I could distract myself from life all day doing that if I wanted to. It's what I liked to do in my spare time, since things like walking to the park, mopping the house, raking leaves or other physical activities were near impossible for me at that weight. A good part of my free time revolved around food porn and cooking up the most unhealthy things you can imagine... all of it involving the addictive combination of refined carbs, fats, and sugar or salt.
PMS often brings with it strong cravings for that kind of food, and today is no exception. I found myself sipping black coffee and searching Google images for all kinds of low carb yummies. There is a *lot* of stuff out there! And then it sort of turned into reading recipe blogs, people's favorite brownie recipe, how to make different flavors of pancakes... and I started to feel the call. I soooo wanted to make all of that stuff and just eat and eat. But I didn't. I caught myself and wondered why I was torturing myself with pictures of tempting foods that would derail me from weight loss and health, and I stepped away.
It is hard. I still have days like today where I wish I could just eat anything I wanted without consequence... but the consequences are just too dire to mess with. So I enjoyed my stir fry for lunch, and moved on to more productive things.
Food Slips and Refires
6 hours ago