Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Old Habits

One of my favorite "hobbies" back when I was morbidly obese and PMSing (or not) was to go online and look up recipes for lots of different comfort foods. I'd type "macaroni and cheese" or "cookies" into Google, click Images, and ramp myself up into a frenzy looking at all the fantastic-looking pictures. I'd find the one that "did the most" for me and set to work cooking it. Didn't matter what it was, I was passionate about that cooking. Most of the time I'd make a large batch for dinner or dessert with the family, but sometimes I'd eat it all myself. And then, usually it was not quite perfect enough, so I'd be back on Google looking for a better one. I could distract myself from life all day doing that if I wanted to. It's what I liked to do in my spare time, since things like walking to the park, mopping the house, raking leaves or other physical activities were near impossible for me at that weight. A good part of my free time revolved around food porn and cooking up the most unhealthy things you can imagine... all of it involving the addictive combination of refined carbs, fats, and sugar or salt.

PMS often brings with it strong cravings for that kind of food, and today is no exception. I found myself sipping black coffee and searching Google images for all kinds of low carb yummies. There is a *lot* of stuff out there! And then it sort of turned into reading recipe blogs, people's favorite brownie recipe, how to make different flavors of pancakes... and I started to feel the call. I soooo wanted to make all of that stuff and just eat and eat. But I didn't. I caught myself and wondered why I was torturing myself with pictures of tempting foods that would derail me from weight loss and health, and I stepped away.

It is hard. I still have days like today where I wish I could just eat anything I wanted without consequence... but the consequences are just too dire to mess with. So I enjoyed my stir fry for lunch, and moved on to more productive things.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

You should be proud of that! Thank you for being an inspiration. The changes you have made are phenominal!

Amanda

Claire said...

Good for you! Congratulations You resisted the very strong temptation to the "call for comfort foods". I have been trying to Google recipes for Paleo "comfort foods" - and I think you do the same. Cauliflower soup, eggplant and mozarella bake, lamb stew. It does seem to inspire cooking and eating, but of the "allowed" and safe foods, not the mac n cheeses and pancakes.

Leslie said...

Stay tough. A blogger friend, Tami at Nutmeg Notebook, always says. "I've never regretted anything I DIDN'T eat." How's that for brilliant? This is one day - just stay in the moment and before you know it, it'll be bedtime. I'm saying this to myself too!

Lori said...

Lyn,
I have that same struggle. I once was a good cook and an even better baker. I had to turn my back on that for a while. Now, I'm really enjoying learning to cook in a whole new way. I love it when you post a recipe. I'm hoping this new habit of healthy cooking will replace the old way of cooking.
Lori

Diandra said...

I know that. This is why I had to unfollow most of the recipe blogs I love - I would keep printing and collecting all kinds of recipes to try that are just not good for me. Now I follow healthy blogs with vegan baked goods (animal fats and protein hurt my joints), and everything is good again. Still have to look out for all that sugar, but it's better.

Fat2FitGuy said...

Hi Lyn,

I have exactly the same problem, I just enjoy making any food way too much. What works for me, is to google away, but then search for healthy recipes and make them at home. It's still fun, and it tastes about 67% as good as comfort food! Good luck! I enjoy your blog!

Sara said...

Lyn, I have done the same thing myself, and it's kind of like food porn, isn't it?? I'm currently doing FFL, and am trying to even avoid talking about foods I can't eat. And trying to avoid thinking about them. Because talking and thinking leads to doing, so I'm just not going to do it.