Throwing up dog, throwing up kid, and some much bigger family stress of a more personal nature... and my stomach is in knots so tight I cannot eat. I am existing on Medifast hot cocoa and protein shakes for the moment and hoping things get better soon.
I used to eat to cope with this kind of thing. I have sometimes thought that if I was not a mother, I'd be a drunk or a drug addict in order to escape the stress. But I won't do those things because I love my children. Binge eating is the vice no one sees. It's not illegal, it's not even usually considered immoral, it doesn't risk you having your kids taken away. You're just fat, unless you purge, and no one really blames you for being fat. It's the genes or something, right? And even if they do think poorly of you, they just think you like food too much, you eat too much, you are lazy and sit on the couch all day with chips and cookies. They don't even extrapolate it to "wow that person must be in a lot of emotional pain." They don't usually attach your fatness or your binge eating to inner turmoil. Maybe they think you got molested as a child or your parents never let you have junk food, but most people... people who haven't had eating issues... they don't look at you and think you are eating to cope with intense emotional pain. It's under their radar. You can just be a normal fat person with an awesome life who happens to have bad genes or like food too much.
Now I don't eat to cope, I still don't drink or smoke or use drugs to cope. I don't cut or go anorexic or gamble or be sexually promiscuous to escape, to cope, to get outside the pain for a minute. I sit in the pain, I feel it, it tears me up inside until I diffuse it BY feeling it enough, taking a deep breath, and going about life in the way that makes the problems better, or at the very least, makes me *feel* better about things... whether than be talking to a friend, typing it out, exercising, taking a walk, petting my dogs, hugging my kids, reading a book, or scrubbing the toilet. I have to deal with the bad stuff while still allowing myself to embrace and find peace in the good stuff. And that's the best coping mechanism I could ever learn.
Food Slips and Refires
14 hours ago