It's just 30 pounds. Since last summer, that is. I weigh about 30 pounds more than I did last July/August. It's not that much right? Not compared to being almost 100 pounds heavier before I started losing. I mean, how much could 30 pounds really affect a person?
Really? Being honest, it affects me a lot. I went to some of the same events this summer that I went to that summer so there is an easy comparison of my experience.
I am not as comfortable in the same chairs. They are more snug.
Stairs are harder.
I did not fit as easily in the fair rides with my daughter. I fit, but some of them were snug. None were snug last year.
I cannot walk as far. Too much pain in my feet this year.
I did not help and volunteer at several events this year that I enjoyed last year. I was too tired, my feet hurt, and it is NOT EASY doing the same physical labor.
I am not as social this year. I feel more like hiding and less like being 'out there' with people. Oh, I *don't* hide, I go out, but I feel a lot more self-conscious and uncomfortable.
The pictures people take of me and share are appalling to me. Last year I was kind of proud.
There is a framed picture of me at a dog event with my dog in one of my clubs. It is on display for everyone who comes. I am proud of it; it was taken last summer. I don't think new people recognize it as me now because it was taken from a distance and my body shape is not the same anymore.
I get embarrassed more easily. I opt out of meetings and events I would have loved to do. My dog is less well trained this year.
I have not skated with my child lately. Last year I looked forward to skate parties because I was out there with the kids having fun. This year I was back to waiting behind the wall, watching the fun, wishing for the time to pass. I would have seriously injured my knees out there; I am just not in good enough shape (and lack the balance) to skate now.
I have worked hard. Just like the last time I had a partial regain and then a long, long stall, I have never given up. I never went back to binge eating or feasting on junk or sodas or fast food. Yet I stall... long long periods, more than a year sometimes... before the scale starts moving again. I don't like it, but the alternative is to quit and I assure you that if I just *quit* caring/working at it/paying attention to my food and exercise I would weigh 280 pounds again within about 6 months. So I keep working. It may not show on the scale as fast as I want it to, but I am sure, I *know* that it will. However long it takes this 43-year-old body to start shedding the weight again, it WILL happen and that is because I am working at it. Sometimes, results are just delayed.
I decided I am going to get on the scale next Sunday and post a weight. I have avoided it and avoided it since seeing that uptick after I started strength training, but accountability is important and I think if I get back to weighing *at least* weekly, I will feel better.
I won't restrict more than I am already doing. I would estimate I am eating 1500 calories a day. I eat almost no grains or sugar. Very little dairy aside from low fat cheese and Greek yogurt. Lots of veggies, and now that summer fruits are fading I've cut my fruits back to one a day max. Plenty of protein and healthy fat, so I am rarely hungry. I do get cravings but I am okay with them.
So there it is, my plan for this fall: keep eating this way, keep working out, swim more, stick with the program and start weighing every week. And start posting some kind of progress pictures for accountability.
A Message to Open my Eyes
6 hours ago