The other day I was walking my pup in the usual places when I saw a neighbor walking his dog across the grass in the park. I recognized him right away as well as his dog; we've chatted many times in the past. I always walk past his house on my usual route, and he has approached me and my dog dozens of times since I got her to stop and pet her, ask what she is up to lately and chat with me about dog stuff in general. We've even let our dogs play together a few times. So when I saw him walking and he glanced in our direction, I waved. He looked. He put his hand up to shade his eyes from the sun, looking harder. He came towards us and I said "hi! How is Benji?" and he stopped, looked at me, looked at my dog and said "oh hi! Does someone else usually walk your dog? I recognize the dog but not you!"
Well then. Maybe I have become unrecognizable. Granted, I am 40 pounds heavier than when I met him. I am wearing jeans 2 sizes bigger than I was last summer. But do I look that different?
I thought maybe he just had a little memory lapse. I was just assuming it was the weight that threw him off, after all. But then a different friend posted a photo of me in an email last week. I about died. Do I really look like that?? Man, I gained that 40 pounds back in ALL the wrong places. I look completely different than I looked at this weight coming down the scale. Really. It was an unflattering angle, sure, but there is no angle that will hide the changes that are truly there.
I am not being too hard on myself, here. It is reality. This morning I weighed 217 pounds. I have pretty much been up and down the same 5 pounds since March. And when I see people who haven't seen me since last fall, they do a double take. I don't like it. It feels like crap.
So I am looking back over the effort I have made since March, and I know it is enough to maintain at this weight but not to keep losing. Yet again for the millionth time on this blog, I need to shake things up and get the scale going down again. But I need to do it without losing my new found peace, joy, freedom, and focus on the important. I refuse to become a diet-obsessed, exercised-obsessed person; that can work for the short term (it has for me) but when you're a mother, it's important not to let those obsessions take away from focus on family and children. At least that's how I see it. So I work on balance.
My balanced agenda tomorrow: cleaning, decluttering, walking the dogs (1/2 mile each), swimming with my daughter, reading, drinking iced coffee, making a 7-layer salad, and going to a barbecue with friends. If I have it in me I will also bike for 5 or 10 minutes tomorrow evening.
I know how to maintain at THIS weight. I think it wouldn't take much of a bump down in calories and up in activity to see things going in the right direction again. So that's what I'm doing.
Monday Babble and Dhammapada
2 hours ago