Friday, August 24, 2012

Looks

Whew. Dog sports events are over for a couple of weeks, most of the kids' college and high school stuff is taken care of, and I actually get a few days "off" to relax at home... relax meaning catch up on laundry and housework and other random things that need to be done at home. I don't have anywhere I have to go for the first time in almost 2 weeks! I might take my daughter swimming, take the dog to the self-service dog wash for a good scrubbing, and go shopping for a few last minute school supplies, but other than that my time is my own this weekend. I needed that!

Yesterday I once again ran into someone I haven't seen in months. She totally did that thing where they see you, say hi and simultaneously their eyes flick down over your body and back up to your eyes, trying not to show their surprise at how different you look. People do that a lot with weight gain. I remember it well from back in 1998 when I gained about 80 pounds in under a year. People try to hide it, but it's there. The quick eye flicker down and up, the split second look of surprise, the quick smile and recovery. I know it well. When you've LOST a ton of weight, it's the same thing except the flicker is longer, there is often no recovery as they show their surprise freely and acknowledge the weight loss with something like "you look great!" I much prefer more normal and usual interactions where you see someone you haven't seen in awhile and they simply look in your eyes and smile and chat with you about your life. That's what you get if your appearance hasn't drastically changed. But mine has, and pictures people sent me this week confirm it. I am looking way fatter than I'd like to admit. And while "looks" may not matter than much in the big picture, my "looks" are a direct reflection of my health, and my health matters a lot.

I'm not exactly sure where I am going with my eating. I am sick to death of thinking about it, which is why I haven't BEEN thinking about it for a couple of weeks. I've just been making those minute-to-minute choices, trying to pick what's good for me most of the time, trying to limit portions to reasonable amounts. It pretty much leads me to maintenance at this weight. I hope adding exercise will tip the scales (literally) to weight loss again, but if that's not enough I guess I will need to calorie count or something. We'll see.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Dieting does get old doesn't it? I took a break, maintained for about two years, but darnit some (not all) of those lost pounds found me again. Back to no grains...

Take care of yourself, get some rest, cook real food, and enjoy the few days off

Barb

beerab said...

I'm in the same boat as you, I got down to 191, felt great, then moved to a new state, went up to like 208, then FOUGHT down to 195, then gained up to 203, now I hover around 199-201 and I'm just at the point where I'm trying to maintain, I'm still 35ish pounds below my highest weight, so I am proud I've kept that off for a few years. I hate seeing someone I haven't in a while because in high school I was a trim 150! :(

Take your time- I'm still rooting for you :)

Lori said...

I know only too well how you feel. I've regained 30 of the 90 I lost. None of my clothes fit any more and I'm determined not to buy any new ones hoping that will motivate me. I'm so tired of thinking about what I'm going to eat, when I'm going to eat, how much I'm going to eat, blah, blah, blah. I've got to get back under control soon or I'll regain another 30.

I hope the exercise/gym will be the spark you need to reginite your passion for yourself and your health.
Lori

Princess Dieter said...

While I TOTALLY understand the "sick to death" of focusing or thinking on eating, it's just somethign we have to accept. We HAVE to think about what we eat. Every day, every meal, always, until we die. Pretty much.

We will have times when appetite is lower and we can live with a simpler way of thinking about it, or even go on automatic (gosh, I miss those automatic months), but to wish we didn't have to think ab out it is to be oblivious to our reality.

We do have to think about it. We have to accept that. End of story.

If you want to eat the way you're eating now, then accept the weight you are and work on making THIS weight healthier (exercise, rest, meditation, better food choices at this caloric level).

I think yo-yoing and being stressed is bad for health, so maintenance is sometimes the better choice. Think a bit on that.

If you wish to lose, then you'll have to think about it a lot more, and you dont' seem to be ready yet to do that, maybe.

In the meantime--and I'm here in maintaining mode myself--it's easy to get out of good habits, which then requires MORE thinking to rehabituate. Each meal IS a choice, but once we decide X, Y, and Z foods are verboten, deciding is easier. Life is easier when we simplify what we WILL eat and WILL NOT eat and then make choices within those parameters.

I hope you find the balance, the way to make choices without overthinking or exhausting your will. It's not always easy. Some days require tons of will exertion, which IS tiring. :(

But the only alternative--not thinking, going with the flow--often means regain and the stress and sadness over that.

For us, it will always be a thing to plan and think on--with those blessed periods of ease between the struggling times.

That's the truth. No way out of it. And the regain stats are the horrible Sword of Damocles we weight losers live with. We think, we plan, we exercise will, we exercise our bodies, we put our lines in the sand we won't cross or...we regain.

kristi said...

I know how you feel. What is worse than the stares are the invisability that will come if you continue to gain. That is where I am at now, almost no one will even look in my eyes anymore. It is a sad place to be.

Taryl said...

I get being sick to death of dieting, I've been doing it almost non-stop, with minor breaks for maintenance and now two pregnancies, the past four years.

The thing is, a break isn't phoning it in. Relax, just don't give up. That's the kind of break that's good for the body and soul, I think :)

MargieAnne said...

Hi Lyn. Dieting stinks but what else do we do if we need to lose weight?

I just heard or read somewhere these wise words.... Consider whether you can do this 'whatever it is' in five years time. I guess that's why none of us want to 'diet.'

I have been learning about the importance of fat, that's good fats, not manufactured margarine, imitation butter and seed oils, to keep us in good health. Without enough good fat in our diet we run the risk of causing something called metabolic syndrome, which I must admit I barely understand. So much to learn in the field of good nutrition.

I wonder if you know about this because the conventional low carb diet is also low fat and apparently that is all wrong for good health and long term weight loss.

I see where some people add things like gobs of cream or butter or coconut oil to their coffee ... I doubt if I could stomach that but over all I have much to think about on this matter.

I know how much your weight gain pains you but I think you are strong enough to see it as simply another step on the way to good health because it is causing you to re-think what you should do.

Blessings

Karen said...

I ditto what Princess Dieter said.

Pick the mentally "sick to death" or the physical. Each food choice we make either makes us well or makes us sick, IMO.

I choose the "I'm tired of cooking, freezing batch meals, chopping vegetables" sick over the physical sick. The I'm tired of food prep always passes. The window of opportunity for staying physically well to a state of illness can be very fast and arrive without warning.

Have you thought about addressing the mental side of things first- say to work on any limiting beliefs, past issues, or even some coping strategies ( think cognitive behavior therapist, good life coach, etc?) A fresh approach to the weight loss merry-go-round really helped me succeed this time.

Key is your willingness to proceed. Line in the sand. You've crossed it and you won't go back. I like that line in the sand. Forces new strategies, new ways of thinking. I had several "line in the sand" moments that pushed me forward.

The only person who can draw that line, proceed forward, and make change happen is you, when you are ready. Safe travels.

Amy said...

You have had a ton going on recently, I'm not suprised you are sick of thinking of it. I have no doubt that you are doing what is best for you right now, you are making healthy choices most of the time and living like most "normal" people do. You will reach your goals, you are doing what you need to, sometimes it just takes your body a little bit to catch up.