Whew. Dog sports events are over for a couple of weeks, most of the kids' college and high school stuff is taken care of, and I actually get a few days "off" to relax at home... relax meaning catch up on laundry and housework and other random things that need to be done at home. I don't have anywhere I have to go for the first time in almost 2 weeks! I might take my daughter swimming, take the dog to the self-service dog wash for a good scrubbing, and go shopping for a few last minute school supplies, but other than that my time is my own this weekend. I needed that!
Yesterday I once again ran into someone I haven't seen in months. She totally did that thing where they see you, say hi and simultaneously their eyes flick down over your body and back up to your eyes, trying not to show their surprise at how different you look. People do that a lot with weight gain. I remember it well from back in 1998 when I gained about 80 pounds in under a year. People try to hide it, but it's there. The quick eye flicker down and up, the split second look of surprise, the quick smile and recovery. I know it well. When you've LOST a ton of weight, it's the same thing except the flicker is longer, there is often no recovery as they show their surprise freely and acknowledge the weight loss with something like "you look great!" I much prefer more normal and usual interactions where you see someone you haven't seen in awhile and they simply look in your eyes and smile and chat with you about your life. That's what you get if your appearance hasn't drastically changed. But mine has, and pictures people sent me this week confirm it. I am looking way fatter than I'd like to admit. And while "looks" may not matter than much in the big picture, my "looks" are a direct reflection of my health, and my health matters a lot.
I'm not exactly sure where I am going with my eating. I am sick to death of thinking about it, which is why I haven't BEEN thinking about it for a couple of weeks. I've just been making those minute-to-minute choices, trying to pick what's good for me most of the time, trying to limit portions to reasonable amounts. It pretty much leads me to maintenance at this weight. I hope adding exercise will tip the scales (literally) to weight loss again, but if that's not enough I guess I will need to calorie count or something. We'll see.
A Message to Open my Eyes
6 hours ago