Saturday, August 4, 2012

Back

It is a heart-crushing and somber thing to plan a funeral with your best friend, in what you are both sure will be your last conversation ever. Saying goodbye and hearing it under those circumstances is something I never hope to do again. Waiting for the call that he was gone was indescribably painful.

He is not gone. He had a rough go of it. But after an extended hospital stay and complications, he is finally home and starting a long recovery path. When I saw him it was a great relief and a deep thankfulness. It was like one of those dreams you have where your deceased loved one is alive again and you are so happy to see them, but then you wake up and realize it was just a dream. Only this was not a dream. It was real.

Something about it changed me. I see life differently now. I look up, shocked to find I am 43 and still stuck in some mental ruts from my teenage years and still walking circles in the dirt in some areas of my life, thinking I will 'someday' jump out and walk off into a different, better life.

Not so. Not to be. If you walk the ruts, they just get deeper. If you plan to jump out but just keep walking, you die in the rut, wondering where the last 70 or 80 years went and wishing you'd done something else besides walking circles and making ruts.

It has very little to do with weight and much to do with life and attitude. But weight is a part... actually weight is a side effect of the walk.

I am back. I came back because I looked at the calendar and saw that five years ago today I started this blog. I did need time to revamp my entire outlook and mindset regarding *life* goals, but I am here now. I was touched by your comments and emails which I was finally able to read last night, and I thank you. I missed you too.

Happy Blogiversary to me... and many more.

25 comments:

Mary Ellen Quigley said...

I'm glad you are back. We did miss you. I went through similar feelings when my Mom passed away last fall. It was then that I realized life is too short to not make the changes you need to. I didn't want to be like my mother, who on her deathbed told us of all the things she wished she had done. It's important to make the changes now. We never know what tomorrow will bring.

Karen said...

Welcome back and safe travels for the road ahead in making the changes. The death of a former co-worker helped me make my changes "in cement". He was only 3 years older than me. Sudden death.

Here's to life. And changing up what you can change . Happy Anniversary. Karen P

girlsmama said...

Welcome back! So glad you're here!

MargieAnne said...

Wishing you a Happy Blogaversary and many more returns.

You have been through a deep time.

Good to see you back and your friend on the recovery road.

You are a very loving supportive person. Not many people have friends like you.

Blessings

Michelle said...

Its so nice to see you back. I'm sorry you had to go and see so much pain. But with it comes growth. Will you blossom now? I hope so. So happy to hear your friend is back home..where he should be.

Marc said...

Hi. I'm glad your friend survived. I've been reading your blog for a few months now. I just wanted to say I'm glad your back.

Taryl said...

Oh wow, it's excellent to hear he hasn't passed and is still fighting, I wish him the best.

And happy blogiversary to you!

Anonymous said...

Great to have you back, you have been missed! So wonderful for your friend to have pulled through his illness, I hope his path to recovery is filled with light and peace. I lost my best friend to ovarian cancer 3 years ago...it changes you.

Vicki said...

I am very glad that your friend pulled through and happy that you're back blogging.
Here's to your wonderful future.
Vicki

Vickie said...

I checked in each day, glad things worked out. I have always felt my excess weight was an outward sign of inner stuff. The weight is just the part we can see. Where I am now is a very different life, very different choices from where I was then, even when times are tough.

Christina S. said...

Glad you are back and that your friend made it through!

Steelers6 said...

Hey dear, so relieved to hear Dave is home. Thank God. I did pray for both of you; & will keep that up.

Thanks for taking time to update us.

Hugs.
Chrissy

Anonymous said...

I missed you Lyn and I worried about you and your friend. You share so much of your life with us, when you are gone there is a void in my daily life. That's wonderful news about your friend pulling through. It's great to share in the good news. You and your blog mean a lot to me. I'm glad you're back! Hugs, Sherry

Anonymous said...

welcome back!

PamL said...

Happy anniversary! Isn't it amazing how much we still have to learn....when we were 20 we thought we knew it all! And as we get older, we realize how little we know and how many tough things we are going to have to learn! Death (or near death) of a loved one is not something anyone can tell you about--it's only real once you go through it, as you have experienced many times. It's a constant process and not an easy one! Good luck, Lynn, and I hope you find peace in God for yourself and your loved ones.

Stacy T said...

Happy Anniversary! I am glad to see you back - your blog is a huge inspiration to me. I am happy to hear your friend is improving!

Anonymous said...

so glad to hear your friend is going to make it through. you will, too, no matter what the circumstances are. i liked your rut analogy. it's totally true, and life really IS for living as fully as you can. it's crazy how we see this so clearly in the face of death. welcome back, and i'm looking forward to a lot of positive action!

Anonymous said...

I am glad you are back. Hope that your friend can have full recovery. Your blog is huge inspiration to me !

paceyourselfgirl said...

This was the best post you've ever written--amazing and touching; you put on paper how I'm sure many of us have felt for a long time but been unable to put in to words. Welcome back Lyn and Happy Anniversary. You were missed.

Tracy

Jane said...

I'm glad you are back and I'm glad your friend is ok! That is very scary .. I recently had a life altering experience too, and it really does make you rethink everything! Happy anniversary too :)

adorkbl said...

I am so glad you are back. You were missed. I am so happy to hear that your friend pulled through... although he still has a long recovery ahead of him... his journey continues. =) Great news!

N.R.E. said...

So happy to hear about your friend. Wishing him a speedy recovery. Glad to have you back, as well.

beerab said...

*big hugs* I'm so glad your friend is on the road to recovery.

Amy said...

Beautifully written post! Happy blogiversary!

stephanie said...

Glad to hear you are back and stepping out of the rut. I liken that to my brain having particular, well-worn grooves, paths of thinking that are old and comfortable but not good for me at all. I saw that I needed to make some new grooves - you're going to walk outside the rut. It's the same - waking up and realizing this really is the only life we have and it could end anytime. I'm sorry for your pain about your friend but glad that it changed you in a positive way. Hang in! And good for you for going out in the bathing suit. Totally outside the rut, girl.