It is a heart-crushing and somber thing to plan a funeral with your best friend, in what you are both sure will be your last conversation ever. Saying goodbye and hearing it under those circumstances is something I never hope to do again. Waiting for the call that he was gone was indescribably painful.
He is not gone. He had a rough go of it. But after an extended hospital stay and complications, he is finally home and starting a long recovery path. When I saw him it was a great relief and a deep thankfulness. It was like one of those dreams you have where your deceased loved one is alive again and you are so happy to see them, but then you wake up and realize it was just a dream. Only this was not a dream. It was real.
Something about it changed me. I see life differently now. I look up, shocked to find I am 43 and still stuck in some mental ruts from my teenage years and still walking circles in the dirt in some areas of my life, thinking I will 'someday' jump out and walk off into a different, better life.
Not so. Not to be. If you walk the ruts, they just get deeper. If you plan to jump out but just keep walking, you die in the rut, wondering where the last 70 or 80 years went and wishing you'd done something else besides walking circles and making ruts.
It has very little to do with weight and much to do with life and attitude. But weight is a part... actually weight is a side effect of the walk.
I am back. I came back because I looked at the calendar and saw that five years ago today I started this blog. I did need time to revamp my entire outlook and mindset regarding *life* goals, but I am here now. I was touched by your comments and emails which I was finally able to read last night, and I thank you. I missed you too.
Happy Blogiversary to me... and many more.
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