Sunday, July 1, 2012

All the Julys

July is usually my favorite month. It still is, but I woke up super grouchy this morning. The pup was throwing up and had the runs until after 3am (she is fine now) so I only got 3.5 hours of sleep. Bah! Also woke up with a headache which I have had for 3 mornings. Maybe it is a detox headache from going 100% off grains and sugar.

Yesterday in the grocery store I had a moment. I was walking through the organic food aisle which ends at the store bakery (which I generally avoid). And there in the case was a bunch of clearance bakery items. A clear clamshell caught my eye. It was full of Nanaimo bars. FULL. And it was marked $3.00. THREE DOLLARS. For a whole BOX of Nanaimo bars. If you do not know what Nanaimo bars are, don't look it up, and don't try them. They are seriously addictive, super unhealthy, full of sugar and fat. They are a BIG trigger food for me because they used to be so hard to find and I never could make them quite right in my own kitchen. So back in the day, I used to drive to a special bakery and buy myself 3 Nanaimo bars at $2 EACH and go home and eat them all... and want more. Seriously, there are never *enough* Nanaimo bars. I could eat myself sick on them and still want more. Anyway, so there they were, on clearance for a whole box of them for three bucks. I picked it up. My Pavlovian response began. My brain was racing. "Ohhh don't do it girl. Put it down." "No, they are SO CHEAP!! I can freeze them!" "Freeze them for what??" "For my next binge! Oh, wait.. I don't do that anymore. Well I could have ONE as a special treat now and then?" "No, you won't. You'll get home and eat the whole box. You will feel like crap. Five minutes of pleasure. Is it *really* worth $3.00?" And I put them back and walked away. And I am SO GLAD I did that.

Today is July 1 and I weigh 216 pounds. That is one pound less than I weighed on June 1 so that's pretty much a wash. It's 2 pounds down from last week but 2 pounds up from the week before that. Sounds like maintenance, but this isn't the weight I want to maintain at.

I am frustrated with my weight. I was going back and just as a comparison, I looked at how much I weighed each July before this.

July 2007 278 pounds
July 2008 216 pounds
July 2009 241 pounds
July 2010 198 pounds
July 2011 184 pounds
and now, 216 pounds.

All over the freaking place. At least I have not regained it all. At least I am maintaining over 60 pounds lost. But geez, I do not want to be "at least." I want to be "at best."

So I am up 32 pounds in a year.

All of that doesn't mean much, it's just me being analytical and emotional at the same time. What matters is what I am doing now for my health and weight.

Still sticking to it, counting calories, staying close to a Primal way of eating. This morning I made a scramble with turkey sausage, Egg Beaters, olive oil, red peppers, spinach, mushrooms, and onions. (I realize Egg Beaters are not ideal, but the carton was languishing in the fridge, so I am using them and adding some fat from olive oil when I cook them). I topped it with avocado and had a side of unsweetened applesauce with it along with some black coffee. I still feel lousy from lack of sleep so will try to get to bed earlier tonight.



Leslie said...

Congratulations on the HUGE victory of putting down those crack bars you described. I was going to Google them, but was afraid I'd find a place from which to order them!

I understand the frustration with weight, Lyn. I have lost the same pounds over and over and am tired of it. I've recently dropped a few again, and while I'm delighted, this current state of grace feels tenuous. It doesn't have to be, if I stay in each moment at a time. Like you with the Nanaimo bars - every cell in the body wants it, but that does not = inevitability of eating it. Wanting it isn't surprising. But eating it when we really want to lose weight is crazy.

If you continue what you're doing over the last few days for this week, you WILL see some pounds lost. Guarantee it. And remember to drink gobs of water!

timothy said...

i never heard of that pretty poison and i'm glad to remain clueless, so proud of you for walking away from temptation!

Lori said...

I think we're in similar places. I've regained over 20 pounds since the beginning of April. I'm struggling to find the right plan for know. I'm headed towards an Atkins type plan, tweaked by me to be a little more healthy, like no processed meats. I hope we both find success in the days to come for the long haul.

Karen said...

Set some short term, measurable goals for yourself and a reward. Build on it. Without goals and time lines, too easy to just say " I'll get to my goal weigh sometime". Pick goals and stick with it, even if you have to revise the deadlines slightly.

Your mental strength will increase each time you give up the sugary stuff. Once you get hooked into feeling good and get food sober, it's so much better- IMO.

Safe travels and stick with it. Venturing off the path is what you've always done. Stay on track and walk the talk. It's not easy, but always worth it to stay focused.

Karen P.

Cee said...

I googled the bars, they look yummy, but I will never try them. I don't need to *like* one more thing! That is a agreat NSV (as they say) putting the bars back! I have had candy in my hand and put it back and always feel so empowered.

MargieAnne said...

Hi Lyn. I know how marvellous if feels when you do something hard like walking away from temptation.

I listened to a podcast yesterday that was very interesting in regard to stress, increased cortisol and poor thyroid function as it happens to some people concerned with health. Here's the link and I hope you have time to listen. I'd be interested in your response.


Anonymous said...

Dodged a bullet! Congrats! said...

Not buying your trigger food is so major. It's such a sign that you are healthier than you were before. Congratulations to you.

Anonymous said...

Yay Lyn! I’m Canadian and Nanaimo bars are one of our national foods, so I can really feel what you went through in that battle. And you came out victorious!

B. Amour Love said...

Sounds to me like you were pretty victorious since you didn't buy them! Congratulate yourself for small victories. I definitely understand the frustration with losing and regaining and losing again the same weight. I recently started back after losing 40 pounds last year...gained most it back. I can't stop thinking...had I just kept up with my plan, I'd be down those 40 PLUS more...but it's that type of thinking that leads to guilt and then a guilty binge for me. So, I am focusing on the fact that, THOUGH I regained some weight...I have not given up. I'm recommitted to doing what I need to lose the weight and I have learned a lot about myself and my body by going through this process. It's all about the journey...

Anonymous said...

I found this post a little... confusing maybe? I've been thinking about what rubbed me the wrong way about it, and it's just my opinion (obviously), but here it is: First, I did google the nanaimo bars and I found nothing compelling about them. I like my chocolate dark, with crunchy nuts, no coconut. However, I have my own binge foods. It doesn't matter what they are, but for whatever combination of texture, nutrients, salt, calories, history - it's what I turn to when I'm "sick of being good" (usually there's a common profanity that might be uttered). From what I've learned since then, there are often biological reasons (progesterone, leptin) behind that lack of discipline. So my tactic has been management - if it's around the house and yes in small, single-serving quantities and it's not a punishment I impose but a treat I allow myself (once/twice month), it really works better for me. Now I'm not suffering from allergic reactions and the list of trigger foods is small, so it doesn't work for everyone.

The other thing I was thinking about this is that I've chosen to change my paradigm. It's not a binge or trigger food, it's a choice I make to treat myself. I choose how much, how often, in what circumstance I will give in to that craving. I'm not expressing this well, but whenever I have a sense of foreboding about something - I will lose my keys when I go swimming, for example - I make a point of visualizing myself NOT making that mistake. So I see myself pinning my keys in my swim bag, see myself eating the trigger food at the end of a healthy meal on a nice plate and not out of the bag. It's not bad to recognize your past behavior around binge foods, but you can retain confidence in your ability to create new neural pathways.

Vickie said...

I've been gone. Catching up with you.

I eat egg beaters every day.

Once upon a time I could handle real eggs with no impact on my cholesterol , no more.

And I am not alone. I have known many other bloggers who had really good cholesterol and then it suddenly went up. I am not sure if this is age related (I am 51) or if we just over did it with eggs.

I personally think you are better off with the egg beaters if you are using eggs as a source of protein on a regular basis.

I only eat real eggs on occasion in things like tuna salad (water packed chunk tuna, onion, celery, yellow mustard) or when I am ordering an omelet in a restaurant and there is no egg beaters option and a veggie omelette is the safest thing for me on the menu.