July is usually my favorite month. It still is, but I woke up super grouchy this morning. The pup was throwing up and had the runs until after 3am (she is fine now) so I only got 3.5 hours of sleep. Bah! Also woke up with a headache which I have had for 3 mornings. Maybe it is a detox headache from going 100% off grains and sugar.
Yesterday in the grocery store I had a moment. I was walking through the organic food aisle which ends at the store bakery (which I generally avoid). And there in the case was a bunch of clearance bakery items. A clear clamshell caught my eye. It was full of Nanaimo bars. FULL. And it was marked $3.00. THREE DOLLARS. For a whole BOX of Nanaimo bars. If you do not know what Nanaimo bars are, don't look it up, and don't try them. They are seriously addictive, super unhealthy, full of sugar and fat. They are a BIG trigger food for me because they used to be so hard to find and I never could make them quite right in my own kitchen. So back in the day, I used to drive to a special bakery and buy myself 3 Nanaimo bars at $2 EACH and go home and eat them all... and want more. Seriously, there are never *enough* Nanaimo bars. I could eat myself sick on them and still want more. Anyway, so there they were, on clearance for a whole box of them for three bucks. I picked it up. My Pavlovian response began. My brain was racing. "Ohhh don't do it girl. Put it down." "No, they are SO CHEAP!! I can freeze them!" "Freeze them for what??" "For my next binge! Oh, wait.. I don't do that anymore. Well I could have ONE as a special treat now and then?" "No, you won't. You'll get home and eat the whole box. You will feel like crap. Five minutes of pleasure. Is it *really* worth $3.00?" And I put them back and walked away. And I am SO GLAD I did that.
Today is July 1 and I weigh 216 pounds. That is one pound less than I weighed on June 1 so that's pretty much a wash. It's 2 pounds down from last week but 2 pounds up from the week before that. Sounds like maintenance, but this isn't the weight I want to maintain at.
I am frustrated with my weight. I was going back and just as a comparison, I looked at how much I weighed each July before this.
July 2007 278 pounds
July 2008 216 pounds
July 2009 241 pounds
July 2010 198 pounds
July 2011 184 pounds
and now, 216 pounds.
All over the freaking place. At least I have not regained it all. At least I am maintaining over 60 pounds lost. But geez, I do not want to be "at least." I want to be "at best."
So I am up 32 pounds in a year.
All of that doesn't mean much, it's just me being analytical and emotional at the same time. What matters is what I am doing now for my health and weight.
Still sticking to it, counting calories, staying close to a Primal way of eating. This morning I made a scramble with turkey sausage, Egg Beaters, olive oil, red peppers, spinach, mushrooms, and onions. (I realize Egg Beaters are not ideal, but the carton was languishing in the fridge, so I am using them and adding some fat from olive oil when I cook them). I topped it with avocado and had a side of unsweetened applesauce with it along with some black coffee. I still feel lousy from lack of sleep so will try to get to bed earlier tonight.
Watch this space!
3 hours ago