Thinking some more about what I wrote yesterday...
Really, this whole thing is not about figuring out how to lose weight. I kind of thought it was; I was reading a lot and researching and listening to what works for other people and trying to find *the right* method for me to lose weight. I think subconsciously I believed if I found *the way*, everything would fall into place and the weight would start coming off again. After all, it did before. I found *way 1* (which I talked about in my last blog post) and lost 64 pounds doing that. There was some minor tweaking along the way... cut calories gradually from 1800 to 1500, and increased exercise gradually from nothing to 6 days a week. But it worked, it was WORK, yes, but the pounds came off and the process did not interfere terribly with my life. It *became* part of my life and even enhanced it. But it somehow got harder to manage at some point, and the pounds weren't coming off, and then I regained a good chunk of the weight (31 pounds) while I was *still* counting calories (but binge eating occasionally), biking (but not as regularly due to pain/injury issues), and blogging. I finally managed to lose 11 of those pounds and then got stuck again, at which point I found *way 2*, Medifast, which I followed fairly strictly for 8 months and lost another 59 pounds. When I stopped being able to adhere to Medifast strictly (diet fatigue, really... eating from packets for over 8 months gets tiring), the weight stopped coming off, and I started regaining what I'd lost. So lately I have been trying to find *way 3.* Is the the Whole 30? Paleo or Primal? How about Weight Watchers? There must be a *way 3* that is the next step for me to lose another chunk of weight.
But you know, really this is not about the food, or the diet, or the "lifestyle change" or whatever you want to call it. It is not about finding "the way." It is simply about discovering how to incorporate food and activity into my life *now* in a way that will result in pounds lost and health gained. It is about being happy and joyful and eating things that do not cause me to be obsessive about food. It is about being active in things I enjoy doing, whether that's hiking or biking or doing yard work or dog sports. It is not about fitting my life around a diet and exercise program. It is about melding food and activity with the joyful life I already have, with an end result of health and a healthy weight.
THAT is why *way 1* worked for me so well, I think. I did not twist my life into some contortioned existence that I barely recognized and was uncomfortable for me. It was not about shoving this darned square peg into a round hole because *it should fit here.* That's kind of what my life has become recently: an anxious striving to MAKE IT WORK. I've been yanking my life around trying to force it to be something it was never meant to be. And with the added pressure of sick children, sick pets, and my own sickness, it all came to a head this past few weeks and I have finally had to step back and say, enough.
I'm not sure if I'm expressing myself well here, but I hope you understand what I am saying.
Bottom line, I need to get back to my true self.
Watch this space!
48 minutes ago