Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Old Habits

Today was a little better. No more vomit, minimal diarrhea, and a nice plumber. But I am feeling drained. My eating went whacko yesterday afternoon and has not settled back yet. What I mean by "whacko" is: not eating according to my new healthy habits. Very few veggies, very little lean protein, a lot of grab and go, and too much processed junk. Like that Red Baron frozen pizza we ate last night because it was easy and available. Like that toasted half of an English muffin I had a half hour ago that tasted pasty and bland (thus I didn't eat the other half). My coffee is still black, but I didn't get in enough water. I ate a donut. I find myself grabbing a handful of salted almonds or a slice of regular cheese or a cup of sweetened yogurt  or a banana *just because.* Not so much because I am hungry or my body needs it, but because OMG I am so overwhelmed and this distracts me from being housebound and exhausted. You know? Ah... old habits die hard! It's like the old habits can come back at any instant and overshadow the new ones.

So now my joints hurt, I feel icky and foggy (well, I am still sick so it could be partly that) and am actually looking very much forward to getting my act together tomorrow, going back to my eggs and fruit for breakfast and a big salad full of fresh veggies for lunch. I feel so much better eating that way. And I also noted today that I feel much better when I let my stomach *rest* between meals rather than constantly shoving bits of this and that in there so I am *constantly* digesting something. That is exhausting.

I wish I could find a way to eat correctly for my body without a lot of thought and effort. I'd like healthy eating to be as natural and habitual as grabbing a soda for my thirst used to be long ago. I *have* made some things natural; I don't even think about what to drink anymore. I just grab water or tea without a thought. I hope someday, when I am housebound and stressed I just reach and grab an apple instead of some other random crap. I still am not there yet. When I am on autopilot an apple is not even on my radar. Practice will get me there in time, I think. I hope.

Okay, I am coughing up a storm so I am going to take something and try to get some sleep. Goodnight!

11 comments:

LHA said...

I find that when I am sick some of the "old" foods are a comfort to me. I also find that when I am tired it is reflex to eat to try to get energy and I don't even care what it is as long as I think it might help me get through the day. Maybe this is "natural" for someone who has had bad eating habits for years like I have, or maybe we are just willing to try anything to help us feel better. Whatever...I am sorry you are struggling with the eating a little bit while also being sick and dealing with sick kids. At least you didn't eat a whole box of Twinkies or something! Speedy recovery!

Anonymous said...

"my joints hurt, I feel icky and foggy" -- that's exactly how I feel when I eat wheat. And felt that way for years before I figured out what it was. Sugar, too, is part of the joint issue.

One day a few years back, I suddenly felt GREAT -- clear-headed, not stuffed-up, not achy, in a good mood. And I thought "Wow -- what have I done differently?" And I realized I hadn't had any wheat the previous day. Have tested the theory many times since. I seem to be able to get away with a little wheat from time to time but that can be the slippery slope.

Hope you're feeling better today!

Arabella

Channie said...

It is hard to stay on track when you don't feel well. Tomorrow is a new day. Feel Better Soon!!!

Karen said...

Using food to comfort yourself during stressful times is a behavior you've used to cope- IMO.

Since this behavior causes both physical and emotional pain, do you have a plan for behavior modification?

There are a lot of different ways, but don't go it alone. You are worth it. You are worth the work that it takes to find a soulution and a cycle of health. The cycle of food addiction stinks.

Hope you and the fam feel better and safe travels on your journey. I pray that you find clarity and that crystal clear bridge that you cross that leads you away from the harmful cycle and into the healthy cycle.

Karen P

Lyn said...

Arabella~

I absolutely feel better when I eat grain free or very low grain/wheat free. I haven't quite teased out if every grain has the same effect though (oatmeal, rice, etc) so I generally just try to avoid them all, or if I have something make it a small portion of a non-wheat grain.

Karen~

I have lots of plans, and have failed at them lots of times. Not *every* time, but seems I can cope with other methods better when the stress isn't super high or dragging on for days. At some point I just feel so tired and like I don't have the energy to *do something else* so revert back to food. Which I think would actually be okay, if I were choosing something warm and comforting *and healthy* like a homemade chicken veggie soup rather than a frozen pizza. Hmmm, maybe I will have soup today. Problem is... I don't exactly have the time and energy to make those healthy things when I am busy and sick. I should make it when I am healthy and keep some in the freezer.

Sicker today...

Lori said...

I know what you mean about those old habits. When will our new behaviors become old habits?????
Lori

Taryl said...

When things go crazy and stressful at my house I grab junk and satisfy my head/emotional hunger, too. It sucks but it is very normal. My best strategy for dealing with this is to minimize the chances of it occurring in the first place, and deal with the occasional issues with grace. Otherwise I just get down on myself too much and it isn't productive.

16 blessings'mom said...

It is so much harder to stick to the good stuff when we don't feel well. I think it is because we are suffering enough, and just want some comfort. It is so easy to think, "I deserve this!" I had my gallbladder out a few months ago...a few days after the surgery, I was home alone with my four year old, and I felt awful. So we made pumpkin muffins together...and I ate like three of them. I COULD have eaten ten. But still. And call me weird, but I have fond memories of that day because...I usually don't eat things like muffins anymore, and that day I felt like I deserved them. What I am saying is, I can relate. It is very difficult to not use food to comfort when the going gets rough. You are not alone. Tomorrow is another day. Hang in there.

Della

Anonymous said...

I do find that being sick makes it difficult to eat protein and vegetables, my digestive system would rather eat nothing or just processed carbs. I was also reading about the theories that many of our food preferences are set in utero - to two years. There seem to be genetic markers that interpret Mom's food to tell us to favor the same foods as being safe, healthy, or easy to obtain. This flies in the face of various diet gurus like the paleo folks who claim that our bodies all thrive on a meat-veg heavy diet. My Mom was vegetarian and ate a lot of fat and carbs, some beans and vegetables. I can consciously modulate my preferences when I'm healthy, sleeping well, and stress-free, but when one of these conditions is missing, all bets are off. Conversely - I probably didn't have any chocolate until I was older than 5 (when we moved to the US); I like chocolate but I have no cravings for it, PMS or otherwise.

Anonymous said...

I've also had to learn to break old food habits and only reach for healthy stuff when stressed. The only things that have really helped have been to not keep unhealthy items in my home or if that can't be avoided, to tell myself they aren't my foods.

Not always easy but very worth it!

Marilyn said...

Della is definitely right... you are NOT alone in turning to food while under stress! I was doing pretty well until we got into an auto accident this past weekend... totally screwed up our blood pressure and glucose readings, not to mention sleep, due to anxiety about insurance coverage, not to mention the adrenalin hangover! We just have to do the best we can under the circumstances and keep at it! I DID notice sinus congestion this morning, after having some milk and cheese last night (which I've been avoiding this past week)... as the inscription on the ring says, "this too shall pass!!

Hang in there, Lyn! XO - M