Friday, April 20, 2012

Discouraged

Well, instead of being out in the sunshine as I had planned today, I am home with a sick kid. I made some banana bread for her and now she's trying to take a nap. I hope she feels better soon; I really don't like seeing my kids sad. I'm spending the morning doing paperwork and thinking about what I need to do about my health.

It is *so much harder* now than it used to be to make permanent changes in my lifestyle. When I was in my 20's, if I wanted to change a habit, I just did the whole "21 days" thing and generally adapted to a new routine very quickly. Maybe at 42 I am just more set in my ways, I don't know. I am definitely more indecisive. Or maybe I'm not. Wait, I am... :) But also, there are just so many things I want to change now. I think about it a lot, and work every day towards my goals, which are:

1. Mitigate the pain and damage to my joints from arthritis by doing physical therapy, taking supplements, and losing weight.
2. Lower my blood pressure by cutting back on caffeine and salt, exercising, and losing weight.
3. Lower my own stress level by addressing the things I've been putting off, decluttering to create a peaceful space, and enjoying my hobbies.

This is the foundation for my life. I have to take care of me so I can take care of others. I am no good to my kids or my dogs or my friends unless I am well physically and emotionally.

I really hope to see big changes in myself and my life this year, but hoping just is not enough. I haven't put forth the effort. Token efforts, or sporadic *solid* efforts, but not the consistent day-in day-out efforts needed to see the big changes I want. It's easier to slip back into old habits or take a few "days off" because I need a break. I have to find the fortitude and strength inside me to push and push. I am trying.

8 comments:

larsonrh said...

Don't be too hard on yourself. You have never quit trying. Just the fact you are thinking all these things is progress. It helps me to see you keep on keeping on.
Have a good weekend.

Margaret said...

Hi Lady,

I have been on the journey you are on - twice. Lost 70 pounds on Optifast (as it was called then) and put it all back on and started the long road back to size ten, with plenty of rest stops along the way. (And I'm only 5''4" - none of that "carries it well" stuff here.)

The thing I learned that is the most important element of all is: don't go backwards. A "hold" (staying the same weight) is a win. Total victory. Because you will find times when you can lose ten easily...but you have to figure out how to stay where you are. That's the tricky part.

Once you get a hang of that, your long-term success is assured.

I'm rooting for you,
Margaret

Anonymous said...

Don't be discouraged. You are a success. Try to take this weekend to recharge. I think you just need some time for you.

Amy

Anonymous said...

This is the foundation for my life. I have to take care of me so I can take care of others. I am no good to my kids or my dogs or my friends unless I am well physically and emotionally.

DING DING DING-I think this is a very important thing to remember all those times when you feel like giving up or giving in. We all have people/furry people that depend on us, love us, and needs us in their lives.

-c.a.h.

Anonymous said...

I'd say 99.9 percent of people trying to adopt a healthier lifestyle go through what you're going through right now, just because it's such a normal stage of breaking old, life-long habits. It's the stage when that initial excitment and energy that your renewed commitment gave you runs out, but the hard work remains. And other things in life keep coming at you that you need to deal with, and it takes *so much* energy to resist giving into a craving, energy you just don't have, so the odd treat sneaks in here and there... its a very familiar story to anyone trying to break any old habit they've kept for most of their lives.

So, yes, you've reached that point where its just gotten plain hard and your energy for it has nearly run out. But this is where it counts the most, where you can make the changes you started *real* and *lasting.* Getting started is important, really important, but that's not the hard part, and its just not enough. So many people start and restart over and over again, but very few end up getting where they want to be. There's a reason for that, and the reason is this specific point you are at right now. So many people run up against this point and get set back to the beginning, and then restart, only to run into this point again because it's not going anywhere, it's a required part of the journey and you're going to have to overcome it at some point to reach your goals. Overcoming this part requires such a huge, overwheleming amount of effort that its plain discouraging. But its also the most exciting part, because it is this specific, exact point where the rubber meets the road, where you can make your changes real. Its a great place to be, somewhere you need to be.

Anonymous said...

Just like the flight attendants tell you, dear Lyn: put on your own oxygen mask first, in order to help your child with hers.
Sounds like you've reached the point at which you are ready and because your plan is well thought out and comprehensive, it will help you to stay on focused.

As larsonrh said, you never gave up. You may have meandered, you may have hiccuped, you may have engaged in some back sliding but you never gave up and that was important to get you to this point.

Look how much you've learned during the last two years. Knowing what not to do is just as important as knowing what you should be doing. The recent good news you've got from your gyn should give you renewed hope and energy and the BP should be motivating you to address it as soon as you can. It is spring and you love that. Let all these new beginnings propel you forward with your plan and apply its components to get you where you need to be.
You are now combining all the elements that have worked for you, with all the emotional and intellectual work you've done. This will get you where you need to go, if you keep doing it.

As aways, best wishes,
m/b

Diandra said...

Don't try changing everything at once, that is guaranteed to have you feel overwhelmed and fail. Choose one thing (the most important, or the one you feel will be easiest to change) and stick with this change until you have got it covered. Then move on to the next.

Taryl said...

Keep trying, Lyn. You can't fail if you don't quit!