Wow, I am really struggling.
It is hard when you're not really sure what your rules are. I think I have gotten so used to bending, and then breaking, whatever self-imposed rules I've had that it has become a habit.
I don't eat bread. But wait, wouldn't a piece of toast be great with these eggs? Hey, it's in my calorie budget. I am not in ketosis, it doesn't matter...
I don't eat sweets. Hey! They have sugar free cupcakes in that bakery! I am sure that would be okay, right?
Hmmm, I am too tired to make a "Lean & Green" dinner. Surely some nice "healthy" chili would be fine just this once.
It is a constant battle. I got so used to just opening a packet at 8 - 10 - 12 - 3 and 9, with the only food 'thinking' being done for dinner at 6. Everything was decided. Now it's not.
So I say no to a lot of things because I just KNOW they will hurt me. If I eat refined sugar I will HURT. I will be in so much pain from arthritis inflammation that I won't be able to function. I say no to potato chips because my gosh, the acid reflux and sick stomach at night is just not worth it. But it is harder to say no to a bag of pistachios, an avocado, fresh pineapple, and "healthy" stuff like the chili I made for the family. Or a homemade chicken pot pie full of chicken breast and fresh vegetables. Yeah there's a crust. But I sort of block it out and pretend it is okay somehow. And honestly, I am not sure WHAT is okay for me!
I didn't eat any pot pie, by the way, but I ate the chili, I ate some cheese, I ate some "low glycemic index" coconut milk ice cream sweetened with agave.
I read something someone said about "diet fatigue" and I think I am there.
I see the scale tick up, up, up as the weeks go by. As tempted as I am to "crack down" and start super-restricting again to get "results," this time is different. This time, I have to work this through with the foods I am going to eat for the rest of my life. I am finding by trial and error what foods work for me and what foods don't. I am trying to eat sugar free, gluten free. I am trying to get in those 5 veggies and 2 fruits and 5-7 ounces of lean protein and healthy fats every day. I am going to continue doing that and working through this with whole, local, nourishing foods and, frankly, hope the scale eventually starts heading down. Because I am not willing to restrictively diet again in order to move the scale.
I am trying to focus on health and fitness and hoping weight loss follows. It is my leap of faith.
Friday Update and Reality Check
18 hours ago