Yesterday was very strange in a couple of ways. Adding fruit back into my diet was great; I have been craving it all along, and now I can enjoy it in moderation (2 servings/day). I combined both fruits with protein and the GOOD is that I had way more energy than usual. I got more done yesterday than I usually get done in 3 or 4 days. I was on my feet so much that I was sore at the end of the day, but my house is a lot cleaner and many errands I'd been putting off got taken care of. I also felt a brighter, sunnier mood overall.
However, those *eating* thoughts just kept coming. I avoided them and kept working on things, eating on my schedule, having an on-plan day including a huge plate of roasted kale and a big bowl of cauliflower "loaded baked potato" soup (which seriously is my favorite meal ever, is SO easy and simple, low carb and delicious, you really have to try it). I made it through the day on plan and then, at night, I started going through the cabinets. You know that feeling. I was trying to figure out what I could have as my "optional snack" which is usually pistachios or something like that, but I had this intense desire to just eat and eat and eat, and to zone out while doing so. I had some kid-related stress in the evening and during THAT time I had actually, momentarily, for a split second wanted to race to the store and buy a bag of Reeses eggs and cram them into my mouth until I was sick. It's a stress reaction for me to think thoughts like that. But I don't allow myself to go on 'food runs' anymore. I just pretend the store is an hour away. Instead I ended up eating about 2 ounces of roasted, salted pumpkin seeds from the cabinet. Oh my goodness, they were so good, and they are tiny so I sat and ate them one at a time. There must have been hundreds of them in the bowl so it felt like I was eating a lot. I drank a ton of water with it and will full when I got to the end of the bowl.
Now, this is both encouraging AND discouraging to me. I did avoid junk and ate something natural and healthy (the roasted salted business makes them VERY hard to stop eating, but this is one food I keep on hand for my little one who needs the nutrition and calories and I really like them in salads... it's just hard to stop at a "half ounce" which is the allocated serving size for an optional snack of nuts). But two ounces is more than 300 calories, people. That is NOT helpful to my weight loss efforts. And then I feel like I "ruined" a perfect day and it gets me down. I know it really isn't "ruined" but still, it is frustrating.
I am not so sure the food thoughts are a result of adding fruit back in, though. Maybe, but historically I tend to get food thoughts and wanting to EAT a lot after a week or two on any plan, even without the fruit. So I dunno if it is just my usual cycle of getting to a point of wanting to go off plan (resistance to any kind of restriction) or if the fruit had something to do with it.
Yesterday and today I keep having to banish this image in my head. It is an image of frosted carrot cake. I know why I keep seeing it in my mind, too: yesterday when I was picking up milk and cinnamon at the store, I walked through the baking aisle and a box caught my eye. It was just a cake mix, the kind I don't like. I really dislike boxed mix cakes and find them not worth eating. Go homemade or go home, I say. Anyway, the picture on this box was major food porn. I actually stopped and stared at it for a minute. I think I drooled. Then I went on. But I do love a good homemade or bakery made carrot cake and since then I keep thinking about that picture. Drives me nuts. In fact, last night after I ate those pumpkin seeds I thought, "this sucks. I think tomorrow I will go get some decent carrot cake since I am already off plan." I kicked that thought out of my head though. Old habits are hard to break.
I appreciate all the good advice, thoughts, links, articles, etc you have left in comments and emailed to me. Thank you. A lot of you think I should consider Paleo or reading Wheat Belly or doing something similar that goes back to the basics of meat, eggs, vegetables, healthy fats. I am mulling it over and doing some reading. you may be onto something there. I am just not sure if I want to/can give up fruits and dairy, but depending on who you ask, that may or may not be necessary. Giving up wheat, gluten, grains might be something I need to do. I am considering it. I am definitely not adding them back in at this point regardless. If you are doing something like this, Paleo or otherwise, please leave me a link to your blog or other blogs of folks who are doing it. I will check them out. I have 2 kids with sinus infections and have been busy with that; Superfoods Challenge coming, I promise! Thanks for the support!
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