I am really, reaallllly tired, so please forgive me if this is not the most coherent post you've ever read. But I wanted to share more about what I mentioned earlier this week: my Plan B.
I think I have finally found a key that will help me get through rough patches, holidays, parties, and special occasions without going off plan and spiraling back into binge eating and weight. I have experimented here and there with different things: eating what I want in moderation, calorie counting, having just a *little* of the foods I desire, abstinence, etc. And what I found is that when I have a specific plan with certain strict goals I want to meet each day and I deviate from that plan, I feel guilty/like a failure/frustrated for being "off plan" and then I eat a bunch of crap I never meant to eat. I guess I try to be "too perfect" or something and when I mess up I feel bad and mess up more. My Plan B puts a stop to that.
Right now, my Plan A is Medifast. I stay very consistent, following the guidelines for weighing and measuring the meats or eggs or other proteins I eat as well as the vegetables, fats, and condiments. I eat my 5 Medifast meals a day and my home cooked dinner and I feel good. But some days it is harder to do that. Maybe it's a holiday, a special occasion, a party or event where food is served, or just a super stressful day like the ones I've had this week. Instead of winging it and feeling like I went "off plan," I have finally come up with something that works: Plan B.
My Plan B is sort of an Atkins style of eating. It might include some Medifast meals, but it also allows for more protein, fat, and sodium than Plan A does. On Plan B, I don't go hog wild; it's not a free-for-all of bacon and cheese and sausage. I still count calories and stay under about 1800-1900. And most importantly, I count carbs. I try to stay even lower than Plan A, where I usually average 80-90 grams of carbs per day. On Plan B I am averaging 60 or so. No food is off limits if it fits my calorie and carb budget (which rules out things like cakes and cookies), so I have had things like prime rib, spiral sliced ham, and full fat cheeses. It is a nice break, it works, and it is *very* effective at allowing me to feel successful about a deviation from Plan A. So whether I am on Plan A or Plan B, I am *on plan* and that makes the mental game a lot more successful. I don't gain weight on Plan B either, although I retain water if I eat a lot of salt. It washes back out the next day.
That said, I aim for Plan A 95% of the time. I had a Plan B day on Christmas that I blogged about already, and I also had one yesterday. I truly believe that having an alternate plan of some time for occasional use is a very good idea.
Update on my last couple of days: I have been spending time at vets, at doctors' offices, at schools, running back and forth to finish necessary errands, caring for my elderly dog (who seems a bit improved after starting on Lasix), changing his diapers, carrying him up and down the stairs. I started two new classes with the pup this week, and that requires training time as well. I still volunteer in my daughter's classroom and have been dealing with the other kid related crisis as well. I am getting about 5 hours of sleep (not uninterrupted) per night and feel like I am falling apart because of it. I am exhausted and emotionally drained. I am drinking a LOT of coffee just to make it through a day (which I know is a bad idea, but I feel stuck). I am fighting migraines with nausea and visual disturbances from lack of sleep and stress. Fitness update: Exercise?? What exercise?? No. Nothing. Nothing since Monday. My life got very stressful on Tuesday and new developments have made it so I do not have time to do it. I just don't. And no I could not do it right now instead of blogging. I am so tired it hurts my fingers to type. I am almost falling asleep on the keyboard, slugging back coffee and then have to run 3 kids to appointments and take my daughter to dance. And frankly, if I did somehow find a spare ten minutes, I would not use it to bike. I'd use it to talk to my older son, who I have barely spent 5 minutes a day with this week. And if I found ten more I'd use it to clean my bathroom.
I will be fine, it'll all work out. I am just... drained. I hope that someday soon, the new friendships I am forming with dog sports will allow me to have someone to lean on for some things in times like this. It is hard to carry the burden all alone. At night when I go to bed, I just wish there was someone who shared the burden. I get tired of being strong. I feel 70 years old some days. But I know if I can get one good night's sleep I will feel like a new person. I will make it.
*FTC-required disclosure: Medifast provided me with its products for my personal use for free.*
Stereotypes of Divorce
2 hours ago