Well, not really, but that's how it felt today.
After about three weeks of wonderful energy, great mood, and high activity, sometime today I just crashed. I had zero energy and my mood was, well, not *down* but not the up it has been lately. I felt the shift; I think it's hormonal. I have always been super sensitive to the hormone changes in my monthly cycle, and looking at the calendar I think that's what it is. I am a bit irritable and feel kind of like I have early PMS. Today I wanted to do NOTHING. I had stuff planned to do, but only got to about half of it. I still biked my ten minutes, and worked on the dungeon filing and shredding papers for half an hour. I still got some laundry done, bathed and groomed the old dog, and cleaned the kitchen. I still managed to eat my Medifast meals on schedule.
Then I saw this recipe on a low carb forum I read: Revolution Rolls. They are a low carb bread substitute, and with a few tweaks in the recipe, a lot of people on Medifast use them as "buns" for burgers or sandwiches. They are made of eggs and light cream cheese and 2 rolls counts as 1/3 of my lean protein for the day as well as one condiment. I was in a mood anyway, so I decided to go ahead and try making them.
What I didn't count on was that they would trigger me. If you have an eating issue you know what I mean. Now this was not a physical trigger, because heck, it is just eggs and cream cheese and I eat those all the time without a problem. It was a mental trigger.
One recipe makes 6 rolls, so 3 servings. I was going to use them to put my Medifast sloppy joe on for lunch. Well that was pretty darn good! I liked it a lot! It fit into my plan for the day because I was going to have chicken sausage for dinner as the other 2/3 of my Lean, along with peppers, mushrooms, low carb marinara, and spaghetti squash.
Problem: the rolls would not leave me alone. They called to me. I thought, "oh heck, I will have one with coffee for 'dessert' and cut my Lean back a little." I decided to put a smear of light cream cheese on it. I sat down with that and my coffee, took a bite, and started having almost-flashbacks to eating bagels and cream cheese. I mean, it was like I was transported to another time and was eating bagels and cream cheese. It was sooooo good. I had another. I put the last 2 rolls in a baggie in the freezer. They screamed from the freezer and finally I just went and ate them. So the whole recipe = 3 eggs, 3 Tbsp light cream cheese. Not a *disaster* nutritionally, almost no carbs. I basically ate my whole Lean for the day plus condiments. But the way I reacted to those rolls took me of guard. I mean, I have written about food calling to me before, but I have not had that happen to me in WEEKS. I baked cookies and made fudge and cooked all kinds of yummy breads and potatoes and stuff over the holidays and none of it bothered me. In fact the rolls didn't bother me either until I started eating them. They were too much like past binge food. And it was crystal clear it was a mental thing, and was also related to my crashed energy and mood and the old habit of wanting to eat for comfort and distraction.
I went about my day and still ate my veggies for dinner. Everything else is on track. Too much light cream cheese is the only "off" thing about my eating today, but the trigger thing? That is what I have to really watch out for. I am not making those rolls again, at least until I am in maintenance, and even then I am not sure if they have a place in my diet. I think if I made them, I would make a half recipe just to be careful.