Sunday, January 29, 2012

Binge Eating Disorder: Cured

My eating disorder is a thing. It is something almost tangible, that I can see and hold and throw at the walls. It is something I love and hate and grab onto, clutching in desperation at times for comfort. It is something I despise and cherish and hate and want to be free of, that has served me and tortured me and accompanied me through the last decade of my life.

I did have an eating disorder. I always wondered what was wrong with me that I could sit and zone out and eat more than a whole day's worth of food in one, fifteen-minute sitting. I wondered why I kept doing it even though I felt guilty, I wanted to stop, I made myself sick, and I was gaining weight at an astounding pace. I let my eating disorder imprison me in morbid obesity for a long time.

My eating disorder became clearer to me as I lost weight. It sometimes looked like a raging monster, one that was biting me on the arms and terrifying me as I tried to get it away from me, all the while embracing it and trying to tame it into some kind of loyal pet. I tried so hard to turn that terrifying, ugly monster into something kinder and calmer and more domesticated. But it always seemed I ended up getting bit, crying and bleeding and wishing I could somehow let it go.

I tried calling exterminators. Therapists, doctors, experts who I thought might be able to slay the beast that I seemed unable to kill on my own. In my head I was cornered, frightened, ever waiting for the next monstrous attack with the razor-sharp teeth and claws that would leave me once again crying and bleeding and bandaging my wounds. And then again I'd try to befriend it, to tame it, to tentatively reach out and understand it, and it would bite me again. I could not be rid of the monster.

Over time, I have finally come to understand that my vision was clouded. I was imagining that monster. It was my own fears come to life in my mind... my idea that my eating disorder was something I could not understand, comprehend, or conquer. It was an outside force, an entity like the demons I feared as a child, that did things *to* me. It took hold of me in its jaws and shook, shook, shook, until I went limp like a rag doll and ate and ate until I could eat no more. It was the only way to appease the monster. Eat. Do its bidding. Only then would its jaws open and it would slink away, leaving me once again wounded and shaking and trying to heal. Trying to be free.

All this time, I was wrong. My eating disorder was not a monster. It never was. I was seeing it through my own fears and bleak hopelessness that surrounds those who suffer, imagine it a monster, and think they can never be free.

It is not a monster. I see it clearly now. My eating disorder is a teddy bear.

It's a brown, soft, fluffy teddy bear. It has no teeth or claws; it has no demon-eyes. It is gentle and comforting and I, myself, chose to reach out and embrace it. It never cornered me or threatened me or caused my wounds. I caused them myself, with my own imaginations and beliefs and actions.

When I was upset, I took the comfort of the bear. Comfort was what I wanted all along. I think sometimes I was trying to punish myself by imagining it a monster. But it had no life of its own, either way; it was just a silly stuffed animal with no power over me. When I was lonely, I reached for it. When I was sad, or happy, or overwhelmed, I put my hand out and touched the soft fur and hugged it near me. My eating disorder has served a purpose all along. I used it to help myself cope. I used it to shut out the world. I buried my face in its softness and closed my eyes and the world disappeared for a bit. It was my own mind that let that teddy bear morph into a flesh-shredding monster to be feared. It was my own sense of helplessness that left me feeling like a victim after every binge.

It's been a long time since I took the bear off its shelf and embraced it. It was even getting a bit dusty over there, but I knew I still had it. I just didn't need it so much lately. This week the bear came off the shelf and into my arms for awhile. This time, there was no fear. There was no fright that it *could be* a monster, that it *could* hurt me. It couldn't. For the first time, I saw it for what it truly is. And I was not afraid.

I've had the bear on the shelf for a long time now. Each time I get it down, it is less threatening and I feel so much less attached to it. Like a child maturing into adulthood, I remember the times when I thought I really *needed* my bear to get by, but then life calls and I forget and it takes up less space in my mind. I sleep without it, I go on coping in different ways. The bear sits on the shelf longer and longer until the grown-up takes it down one last time and then stuffs it into a trunk or a box in the attic.

People like to tell me I need a therapist or a specialist or a psychiatrist to help me tame this thing, this eating disorder, as if it is a monster I cannot deal with alone. If you've read my blog for long, you know I don't buy it. I have spent plenty of time with counselors in the past, and while there have been some good insights, none of them truly helped me erase my self-destructive behaviors. I talked to a counselor last month on the phone for an hour, and while I got some great tips on how to re-frame my idea of weight-loss success and my reasons for wanting to lose weight, I don't think it gave me any new insights into my actual reasons or drivers for eating. Nor do I believe any counselor or specialist could give me more insight than I have had on my own in four years of self-examination, introspection, and working through the mental side of binge eating. That's not to discount specialists in general; I just believe that I am the ultimate specialist in *myself.* I have made it my business to become the expert in my own behaviors. I won't ever understand everything, but I have a pretty good grip on why I do what I do. And I absolutely reject the assertion that I can not  be free of an eating disorder without the help of some professional. I do not need therapy. Not for this, anyway.

Don't believe me? Don't think Binge Eating Disorder can be "cured" without a therapist, on one's own? Don't think it can *ever* be cured? Think again. Because technically, I've already cured myself.

According to the DSM-V criteria for BED, it is characterized by 3 or more of the following:

■eating much more rapidly than normal,
■eating until feeling uncomfortably full,
■eating large amounts of food when not feeling physically hungry,
■eating alone because of feeling embarrassed by how much one is eating, and/or
■feeling disgusted with oneself, depressed, or very guilty afterward.

In addition, the binge eating must occur, on average, at least once a week for three months.

Four years ago, I *easily* met, not just 3, but all five of the above bulleted criteria for BED, and I had met these criteria for many years. I binged like that *definitely* more than once a week, and it went on for a decade.

And now? No. I no longer meet the official criteria for BED. My 'binge' this week DID involve eating large amounts when not hungry and eating until I was uncomfortably full. However it did not meet the other criteria, and even if it had, the frequency of my binges now (a few times a year) no longer allows me to be diagnosed with BED. This is addressed by the chair of the Eating Disorders Work Group for the DSM-V, who states, "the disorder is really a phenomenon of frequently eating an abnormal amount combined with feelings of shame, guilt, or disgust. The behavior is recurrent, and it feels wrong. It’s that combination of factors that distinguish it from the overeating that we all occasionally do” which distinguishes pathological behavior from the kind of periodic overeating in which many people indulge.

Periodic overeating is not an eating disorder. Having too much turkey at Thanksgiving, eating a dozen cookies at Christmas, or being sad and eating half a cheesecake does not make you someone who has an eating disorder. What I was doing four years ago... that was an eating disorder. What I am doing now? Nope, no longer diagnosable by any stretch of the imagination.

I technically am "cured" of BED, going by the books. I didn't need a therapist to do this. I did it myself.

I personally do not yet consider myself healed to the point of normalcy, regardless of what the experts and the books say. If I turn to food for comfort and overeat when I don't really want to, and that affects my weight, that is something I want to fix. It's no longer technically an eating disorder, but since it is a remnant of one, I consider it an extension of that old behavior, or wanting my teddy bear for comfort.

I don't really need it anymore. But let me stress to you that I HAD A DIAGNOSABLE EATING DISORDER AND I NO LONGER HAVE IT. It is NOT necessary in every case to get "professional help" to be free from binge eating. My "binges" do not even qualify as binges anymore. They are less frequent, less intense, and are not ridden with guilt like they used to be. In fact they border on the regular old garden variety overeating that anyone might do. I am freeing *myself* of the remnants of BED. It takes time, but I've been successful.

I've just begun reading Brain over Binge, and for the first time I am finding an author who agrees with me that binge eating is *not* all about some past trauma and we do not all need years of therapy to overcome it. The author bases her writing and recovery on another book, Rational Recovery, which I have not read but that has the same idea: we can free *ourselves* from addiction. I have felt this way throughout my journey. I have always rejected the OA concept of being "powerless over food". It is nice to see some authors who agree with me. It feels rather validating.

I am at the point now where my weight loss is actually no longer about BED, but about self-discipline and eating less calories than I am burning. It's about me being proactive with meal preparation and scheduled activity, and not giving in to eating cookies or pizza when I feel like it. It's about having the strength to turn my thoughts away from food and towards health and life and other, more important things. It is not easy, but it's also not some deep psychological issue. It's just some hard work, habit-breaking, knuckling down and focusing and getting it done.

I am not saying I won't falter or will never overeat or even that I am going to get to my goal weight. Who knows? I will work at it. We'll see where it gets me. But I am done living the BED life. I am not living in fear of the monster anymore, because there is no monster. And a teddy bear, while a childish crutch, is much more manageable than a monster. The monster is gone from my mind, the teddy bear is in the box in the attic. Maybe I'll get it out once in awhile in the future, but it just doesn't comfort me like it used to. Maybe I'll get rid of the box completely. I used to be afraid to get rid of my familiar old 'friend', but the thought of life without it is easier now. I admit that for a long time, once it lost its fearsome monsterness, I wanted to hang on to that old fluffy teddy bear, just in case. It was kind of comforting knowing it was there, even if I didn't plan to take it out and use it. Binge eating was an old familiar friend, and thinking about going without it made me nervous. I clung to it, or the idea of it, tenaciously. But lately, I just see it as a dusty old raggedy thing. I don't need that teddy bear anymore. I often think about just tossing it in the trash, leaving it behind forever.

In summary:

I had Binge Eating Disorder for many years. It felt like a scary monster to me.
I changed my habits, did some mental work, lost a bunch of weight.
My binges became less frequent and less intense as time passed.
A "binge" now is so infrequent, so much less food, and so much less distressing emotionally to me that it actually isn't classifiable as a binge at all. Rather, it's overeating, even with the remnant of 'binge planning' that was more habit than anything else, and didn't pan out in the end.
The monster that plagued and terrified me for so long is gone, replaced by a teddy bear that I sometimes feel like reaching out to for comfort.
I no longer feel scarred, traumatized, and guilty after overeating. I no longer fit the criteria for BED; I do not have an eating disorder anymore.
My issue now is not some deep psychological scarring or underlying emotional thing I need to 'deal with' in order to lose weight. It is not about my childhood or my failed marriage or my feelings of insecurity. My issue now is that I like to eat. Cake tastes good. I like hot dogs and Cheetos. End of story.
I will lose weight when I stop giving in to my desires to eat more than I should and the kinds of foods that make me want to eat more and more of them.

37 comments:

Princess Dieter said...

Good points. I got over mine (so far) without a therapist, but like you, I had to do some internal work and external changes (food plans, etc).

I guess your relationship with food, as detailed here, still seems so antagonistic and vexed, taht it doesn't READ normal. It reads Effed up. BUT...your progress is progress, and you are cured from the technical definition standpoint, for sure.

I think it's that many of us read the emotion, grief, frustration, etc, and see that the food relationship is still so up and down and angst-ridden, this sort of repetitive freaking out about it, and it's easy to forget THE PROGRESS...which is important to keep in mind. :) I think it's more than a teddy bear, becuase how you react after is really pretty strongly. Liking cake is one thing. Liking cake, having it, and then going, "Oh, well,back to broccoli tomorrow" and being calm about it. Having cake and this and that and then being in pain and bloated and upset and freaking...that's still not normal.

Teddy bears do not lead to freak-outs. So, something is still there. Maybe it's not a teddy bear...but it's not binge eating disorder, full blown, either. It's something else, less consistent and less dangerous. But it's not cuddly. It's still got some fangs.

God be praised for progress, every bit of it. And healing, every bit of it. It's good to remember where we were and how far we've come...always.

Thanks for the perspective...and on we go, healing day by day...

Human in Progress said...

I read Brain Over Binge in the middle of this month, and it's changed everything for me. Wonderful book, and the author's blog has helpful articles also (http://brainoverbinge.blogspot.com).

I no longer think in terms of monster/demon/beast either. It's a load off, isn't it? I think neutral animal/caveman/lower brain, as the book talks about.

I haven't binged since reading the book, but I have overeaten a few times. I decided yesterday that it's too early in my recovery to bake, keep lots of sugary foods in the house, or have sweets when I'm upset. But I honestly believe that if I keep working at it, I will one day be able to do those things without harming myself.

When you wrote about binging a little while ago, I started to leave a comment that "you didn't actually binge. You overate." But I didn't go through with posting the comment because binging is somewhat subjective, and who am I to tell you that some pizza and a snack cake and a candy bar isn't a binge? Maybe to me it's not, maybe it is to someone else.

Anyway, I was happy to read tonight that you don't consider that recent episode a binge, either.

Anonymous said...

Lynn, good for you for owning your recovery. I'm confident that someday you will be able to put that "teddy bear" back on the shelf for good. I, too, make the mistake of sometimes judging your agonizingly honest posts and reading your honesty about your struggles as you caving to your addiction.

But that's unfair. I once struggled with clinical depression and was on and off meds and in and out of a number of therapists' offices. Nothing helped except for learning to rely more on God and for making lifestyle changes.

I have confidence (without even knowing you!) that you're going to stick to this and see it through. I pray for you whenever I read this blog!

Anonymous said...

I haven't read the book, so can I just say going out and buying all that stuff kind of does sound like a binge to me, even if you didn't eat any of it? Does that make sense to anybody?

PaulaM

LHA said...

This is such an interesting post. It brings up a lot of issues that I am betting there will be conflicting advice and comments on. I look forward to reading them.

I am so glad you feel calmer about your eating. It is only food...it has no hold over you or power over you unless you give it that power and make it into something that it isn't. Eating too much is not shameful, it is not a character defect, it is not a disaster. The way some of us were raised, or treated early in life, or persecuted mercilessly about weight or eating issues sometimes turns food into something far bigger than it really is, and that is unfortunate. Good for you for putting food in its place!

I did need a therapist and a nutritionist and a psychiatrist along my journey. If you don't need these things, fine. We all travel our own path. The main thing that all of us with past or present eating disorders (or disordered eating) need is self love and confidence and the will to live our lives fully and well. Starvation is not part of that plan, and neither is binge eating!

Continued good luck with your life journey. Thank you for sharing your insights with us all!

Lyn said...

PaulaM~

Thinking about food, imagining eating it, dreaming about it, buying it, planning it... none of that consitutes a binge. Binge eating must, by definition, include eating. So no, buying foods and not eating them is not a binge and would not meet the diagnostic criteria for BED.

The planning, the purchase was, for me, a *remnant* of the old binge behavior... one that I am sure will continue to extinguish over time.

Anonymous said...

"Thinking about food, imagining eating it, dreaming about it, buying it, planning it... none of that consitutes a binge. Binge eating must, by definition, include eating. So no, buying foods and not eating them is not a binge and would not meet the diagnostic criteria for BED."

It may not sound like a "binge", or one person's definition of what a binge is...but it does sound like an addiction, especially if the foods were physically unhealthy and full of simple carbs that self-medicates a food addict as alcohol self-medicates an alcoholic.

Lyn said...

Anonymous~

Sugar and simple carbs do definitely drive me to want more sugar and simple carbs, which is why I generally avoid them.

Deb Willbefree said...

Lyn, Lovely, lilting, almost mesmerizing post.

But don't kid yourself. It is not a teddy bear.

You can let it be neurological junk that formed from the habitual use of food to alleviate stress--and dismiss it as irrelevant to your current life, or you can view it as a source of comfort.

If you choose the latter, it's not a teddy bear--it's a trap.

Deb

Lyn said...

Deb~

I no longer see BED as a threat, an outside force, a trap or anything that has power over me. That's why I see it as a teddy bear... something I used to reach out to for comfort, but that has no power over me... even if my analogy isn't perfect. Hope that makes sense :)

~New Year,New Me~ said...

Thank you for sharing your story. I am happy that you are able to take matters into you own hands and do what you needed to do to get healthy mind & body.

Keep up the great work.

Eve said...

Dear Lyn,
I can totally identify with the 'teddy bear' idea. I realised pretty early that comfort foods are a way for me to feel better too. Just thought I'd share that. :) I too get deeply affected by things and people around me; some days I'd just rather not read the paper because I know I'll get sad or angry. Someone taught me that that kind of sensitivity can be a good thing, because it helps you understand others and be empathetic; but it also does mean that people like us need to learn to manage our feelings; and I think (for me at least) food has been part of that gut reaction at dealing with feeling-bad-about-stuff.. It does help to understand how we are affected and then to try to deal with it other ways - now I tend to pray about it or meditate or just take my mind off it awhile by reading something upbeat and existential or artistic, a favourite book (it helps me see beyond what is upsetting me momentarily)...

When I was younger I'd obsess about foods but i realise it's true, food is just -food. It has no power over you. My obsession made the problem bigger than it was.

On another note, though, I read recently that being gluten intolerant does also tend to cause sugar and carb cravings, which in some individuals makes them tend toward being overweight. I wonder -? I am starting to investigate this,but more because I get hives like you did, but for 5 years, and someone has suggested that chronic hives may be diet-related.

Miz said...

such an articulate honest and raw post.

Everyone needs to see this.
binge eater or not.

Vanessa Joy said...

Lyn, I hear you with the teddy bear analogy. I see from all these comments we all cope in different ways. I think you are doing well with introspection and writing.

To overcome my addiction with overeating and drinking I embraced the kitchen. I got back into cooking and baking. I read great blogs about cooking and incorporate some ideas into my own kitchen (love the superfoods challenge). It’s an adventure for me. My passion for life returned and I’m consuming less. For me it’s more about the art than the ingestion.

Anonymous said...

With all respect and no intent to hurt or inflame:

Just as there is a difference between BED and compulsive overeating, There is a difference between cured and re-classified. When the debt ceiling is lowered, more people qualify for food stamps because more people are classified as poor. When the debt ceiling is raised less people qualify because less people classified as poor. Where did the poor people go? They are still there, the powers that be just refuse to recognize them as such.

Eating compulsively, by any other name, is what you (we) do. You do not have to be suffering from BED to binge, compulsively overeat, damage your body over and over again. . . . and you cannot be cured while you still practice the symptoms.

A different Anonymous

Yanina said...

Your post amazes me. I agree that not everyone needs the same type of therapy to get better. But I do believe that an eating disorder is life long. Not fitting the DSM-IV criteria for an eating disorder is not a cure. Thoughts about food, eating, obsessing about weight take up a tremendous amount of your mental energy. You have a blog talking about the ins and outs of your eating disorder on a daily basis. People who have normalized eating don't weigh themselves daily, obsess about food ect. Yes I read your blog. I do have an eating disorder and I am in treatment (DBT - Dialectical Behavior Therapy). It has made a huge difference. I hope you seek it out. http://www.nj-act.org/dbt.html

yana

Kellykat said...

What a lovely post and I can identify with so much of it. However I disagree with the idea that you can be cured of addictive behavior. As someone that struggles w/ BED as well as an OCD disorder that is not associated with food, I feel these things can only be managed. (I do however agree that you don't need a therapist to get to a point of management.)

To convince yourself that you are cured is, in my opinion, foolish and dangerous. Recovery is not a cure but a life long process of finding a sustainable lifestyle of maintenance, self awareness and more importantly honesty with yourself.

Your confidence is definitely inspiring and something to hold fast to. You've made amazing strides to change your life. Be proud and strong because you know how to manage this issue.

But bears hibernate - as do addictions. A period of dormancy should not be mistaken for being cured. Seasons change, so do triggers. Be ever vigilant and recognize that your addiction can and will rear its ugly head throughout your life.

Sally said...

As I lose weight and get control over my overeating habits, I'm finding that my desire or need to hit the candy isles and buy up boxes of Ding Dongs and Ho-Hos has decreased greatly. That's not to say its been eliminated, but I was in the store over the weekend and

I walked thru the candy isle and I read labels. I wanted the Boston Baked Beans and Junior Mints and Giant Hershey Bars...but I left them on the shelves...

Then I went to the Peanut Butter/Nutella isle - a real weakness of mine, and I walked away...

Then I went to the check out line and saw all the candy bars...and didn't buy any of it.

So, while the urges do come and go, I am taking each urge as an opportunity to learn how to say 'no'. Its not like the candy and goodies wont be there if I absolutely HAVE to have them, but I am learning to be stronger and not give into my desires immediately.

Binges tend to occur when your mind blanks out and you just grab grab grab and eat eat eat. If you can just slow that process down and stop for a few minutes (easier said than done), you can start to LOOk at what is going on and perhaps gain control.

Its something that happens over time, and sure, there will be times that you lose that battle...but the fewer times you lose, the better you start to feel. At least that's what I'm learning...

LPRT said...

Lyn -

Rock on Honey ! I just finished Brain over Binge too and Yes it does change my view of my eating disorder. You have hit one something powerful here -thanks forever for sharing it with us !!

Lyn said...

a different Anonymous~

I agree I do still have some food issues; however, the BED I used to suffer from is gone. This last 'attempt' to binge (which I had done before, months ago with a similar result) feels to my like the last dying throes of BED as it was extinguished. That's not to say I don't have cravings, or obsessive food thoughts, or even an addictive reaction to sugar at times. But you don't have to be healed of every 'food issue' to be cured of BED.

I think a lot of people tie up their food issues with other things: weight, a 'perfect' diet (whole foods or whatever your ideal is), happiness, fulfillment... when actually, you do not have to be at goal weight, eating healthy all the time, perfectly happy and fulfilled in order to be free of BED or any other food issue. They are separate issues. I do not have to do anything to be free of BED other than NOT BINGE EAT. I will continue to work on other issues, as any other person does in their imperfect life, striving towards excellence.

Sheryl said...

Lyn, while you say you're cured, please keep in mind that our neural pathways will always be there. Always. Of course the longer we use the newly created pathways, the underlying ones become dormant. Not gone--dormant. I know you know this already.

You have done a ton of mental work and are making progress despite setbacks and have identified all of your triggers. You need to replace the teddy bear--what can take it's place? What is your plan for dealing with stress? Stress is a huge trigger for you, as it is for me, and it builds. Your brain will always send the cravings to overeat, or cuddle your teddy bear, when your stress management level has been breached.

I hope that you can build a support system, despite not having family nearby.

Wishing you all the best :).

Sheryl

susan said...

We are always a work in progress ... I hope your insight and new perspective continues to provide much healing for you. Keep taking care. :)

RNegade said...

Very interesting post--I'm glad you no longer suffer from BED. Mine was cured too. I still got up to 320 lbs (more or less) as the years went by, without binge eating. I had metabolic syndrome and the compulsive eating (very healthy food) that came with it and endocrine-inspired hunger. My brain found other ways to dissociate without binge eating, too, different ways to self deceive. Trippy. :) I don't need professional diagnoses and treatments, either. But other people to share life's struggles with are critical for long term peace (and freedom from compulsion.)

Leslie said...

Hi Lyn - Just read through this post and all the comments.

My 2 cents may not be welcome, but here it is. If one really is a food addict, it doesn't get cured. We are granted a daily reprieve contingent on our daily practices, our spiritual work (NOT religious), and the maintenance of our spiritual (NOT religious) condition.

I have not had a drink in 20 years. Not even a molecule of alcohol has passed through my lips in all that time. But if I forget I am an alcoholic and claim myself cured, I'm on a very slippery slope that WILL lead me back to drinking. It seems impossible to me given my life today - but I can't forget nor deny my truth.

I know this to be true about my eating disorder as well. I don't like it, and I may choose to try cake or cookies on occasion. Rarely will I navigate them successfully, and if I do once or twice - look out.

They say the worst thing that can happen to an alcoholic who picks up a drink in sobriety is nothing. Because I might think I'm okay after being sober for awhile. So I try another. The same is true of overeating.

This is why I made my comment after your binge post... to be careful and on the lookout for food urges in the next days.

I understand all that you said, and I have to say it concerns me. But you know yourself better than anyone else. I hope you're cured - that would be great.

Lyn said...

Leslie~

your thoughts are always welcome :)

I have gone back and forth for years about this, whether food addiction is the same, really, as alcoholism (and in some senses I think it is). I don't think there is zero risk for me to go back to binge eating. I think with enough major stress it could happen. But I feel it is highly unlikely, for me.

That's not to say I will never eat an Oreo and go "OMG YUM" and eat the whole sleeve, making myself sick. But unless I go back to out of control, frenzied eating on a regular basis, that still wouldn't put me back in BED territory. I lived there for a long, long time and the emotion and action is just not the same anymore, even when I overeat. My brain is changed along with my stomach.

I still wonder, though. Only time will tell if the 'cure' sticks.

Rose B. said...

Are you sure we are not twins? Thanks for being "real" and writing down so nicely how it really is for someone in our shoes.

Rosa Frazier said...

Since changing my diet to grain free/sugar free, I've come to the realization that my food addiction was created by the food processing companies that are kept in business by making us more hungry. Yes, I have an emotional connection to food, but I was choosing to stuff myself with food that would later beg me to refill myself with more of that bad food. I can get full on meats, fruits and veggies. But I was never mentally or physically full when I binged on chips, cookies, and cakes.

It is hard to know who to believe and I've been researching all angles of food, and my recent weight loss on natural and unprocessed food has me very happy and energetic.

I hope you find what works for you.

Rosa @stuffingmyfeelings.blogspot.com

Teresa said...

This post really confused me. I tend to agree with a different annonymous. Saying it isn't there doesn't fix it. I don't know why this post upsets me so very much, but anyone...... And I do mean ANYONE can write a book and look credible. I just worry for a sharp fall when the BED comes calling. I've followed you for years Lyn. What does the MF psychologist say?
The best of luck as you continue your journey.

Anonymous said...

Princess Dieter,
I couldn't agree more or have written such a supportive, accurate and eloquent post. Nice work!

Anonymous said...

Lyn - you've made great progress, and I agree with your "no BED" assessment. No reason to think you still have it (only gives one an excuse to eat) just because lots of people think you "can't" be cured.

Anonymous said...

Lyn

I just want to SMACK some of these people who really think THEY have the answers..no matter how they put it..they are being judgemental...It drives me nuts (and I dont even know these bloggers) to see them telling YOU whats wrong with you...I dont know anyone who has looked so deeply into how their brain processes food addiction and binging habits..you have really taken the time and effort with honesty on what makes YOU tick...I so admire you

WRITE THE DAM BOOK already!!! lol

Stacey

Anonymous said...

I find it interesting that you say you are cured and yet 2 days prior your title to your post was BINGE. You had prepared to binge and your body did not allow you to...I would not consider yourself cured. It may be an "ah ha" moment but not a cure. I think that is a set up for disappointment later on.

Teresa said...

Stacey,
I completely understand that you want to protect Lyn. We are all just concerned for her. We only wish her health and happiness. I agree Lyn should write a book! As far as our comments we only want her to stop and think.....she accepts comments because she fully knows others can lend insight. Keep being a good friend to Lyn, but please..... We don't wish any ill will! We like her too. :)

Anonymous said...

You know, emotions amaze me. They are so beautiful and, at times, mysterious. Given your posts with the 180 degree tones (binge and then cured), it brought to mind, for me, a dear friend who has been working through two sides of an emotional/brain chemical issue: manic depression. I suppose there are two extreme sides to many issues - a black and a white. Two zones seem to be where we are most comfortable or familiar, emotionally: either 'on' plan or 'off' plan. These two ways of living are where most of us on the weight loss journey are comfortable. When we're on one side or the other, the opposite extreme seems safely out of our grasp - how COULD we get to that other side when it is so far away? I suppose that the pendulum must swing back and forth a few times before we can understand and live in the 'gray' area of the middle - the balanced place where we are healthy in our relationships with food. Decoupling our emotions from the comfort of our 'off' plan lives - that is NOT easy!! Finding new ways to cope with stress, re-programming ourselves not to set ourselves up for situations where we know that food may call to our emotions - changing the habits of our emotional coping mechanisms, well...this, perhaps, may be the most important work we can do! (Who knew that the sweating might be the easy part of weight loss??)

I suppose that talking to an unbiased 3rd party who knows the signposts of emotion could be helpful, if you found the RIGHT 3rd party that you could trust to help you navigate all of this. But perhaps this blog is the right 3rd party for you?

Anyway, thanks for your thoughtful post, Lyn. It obviously got me thinking about my own situation, and that is an inspiration! Thank you very, very much for sharing! Wishing you the best, each day.

Anonymous said...

Maybe this is the wrong blog for me. I have never been overweight always slim, but have struggled with BED more than10 years. Recently Ive gotten much worse. The binging is definately related to emotional turmoil, i.e. if Im tense, worried, angry, etc. Also tired/need energy, lonely, bored. So maybe a little teddy bearish. But, its also about control. Like I said, Ive always been thin and still am. But the older I get (Im 50+), the more I worry about shape/weight/looking good/being the thinnest in the room (psycho for an old broad, right?) So, if l overindulge I just seem to lose it, and go bananas on food I dont even want, eating till stuffed/sick (but never vomiting, tho sometimes almost wish I could. Im also kind of an exercise addict. That and the binge thing is slowly taking over my life, ruining my rationships, etc. zI feel so alone. Anyone else like me out there?

Deb Willbefree said...

Hi. This is for the Anonymous who just posted. The thin anonymous who binges...and says she's an exercise addict.

First. Congratulations on having the courage to write that comment and for recognizing that there is a problem.

I noticed that you said you do not vomit after bingeing. My guess is that you added that info because you are aware of the eating disorder, bulimia, in which people binge and, then force themselves to vomit (purge)in order to avoid weight gain.

What many people do not know is that one can have bulimia and NOT vomit. But others binge---->then exercise excessively in order to avoid weight gain. Exercise is their purge mechanism just as vomiting is for others.

You can look up the diagnostic criteria for bulimia on-line. Read carefully and you will find that exercise can be the purge option for this disorder.

This is good news. :) Good, because once you have a name for your problem, you will be able to find the right blogs, research and books that will help you find ways to combat it.

Best wishes,

Deb

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for responding to my post. I recently purchased ” ”Overcoming Binge Eating” (by Dr Christophet G Fairburn) He draws parellels among BED, bulimia amd even anorexia (similsr underlying psychological issues). However, does not mention the exercise/purge.connectiom which sounds very.plausable. (Food for thought, no pun intended.) I am trying to follow the self help program he outlines (applicable for either bulimia or BED).

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