Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Circles

Here's what I think.

I have been walking in circles. Maybe not actually *circles*, but more like spirals. I mean, I am obviously making progress and getting closer to my goals of a healthy weight and well-maintained body, and even a more balanced life in general. But last night it occurred to me very clearly that as I am wandering in this vast forest of life, every so often I look around after walking what seems to be miles and miles, and I notice I am back at that same familiar stack of rocks that I thought I passed miles ago.

The nice thing about this very long-standing blog is that it has become a road map of a four-year-plus journey. I go back and read it sometimes and go "Crap! I thought I had dealt with that already! But it is cropping up again!" I walk my chosen path each day through what seems like new territory, but every so often the landmarks become eerily familiar.

It's as if you laid a stretched-out spring or a Slinky along the side of a mountain from top to bottom. I am hiking up, up, up the mountain, yes getting closer to the top, but still circling.

Am I wasting energy? Or taking the scenic route?

Either way, it is my journey. I am getting there even if I turn in the wrong direction sometimes. It always spirals back around towards the top. But some of this circling is crazy-making and I think I am going to pull that spring a little tighter, stretch it out a little further so that the circles are fewer and there is more of a wave of ups and downs than rows of circles.

It is maddening sometimes. I'd love to just be at goal and jump up and down and proclaim myself "done" as so many other weight loss bloggers have done. But it seems no one is ever as "done" as they think they are, anyway. Actually, as I have been spiraling up the mountain I've watched plenty of people sprint up past me and then sometime later roll right back down. So I embrace my journey, even as I decide to change it a bit.

Waves, not circles. That's what I am working on now. A little more effort will help me conserve energy in the long run.

I have some kinks to work out in my overall health plan and will blog about that shortly. I am still getting on the scale daily, sticking to Medifast, tending sick kids, and getting by on way, way too little sleep right now. I am logging my food and will post a weekly weight loss on Sundays.

9 comments:

Deb Willbefree said...

:o I just hit "Publish" on my version of this same post. Really, we could almost join them together and no one would realize they were two different posts.

Onward and forward, girlfriend. We're gonna get this thing.

Deb

becca said...

Great way to express your journey in words. Most folks who get to that "finished" position eventually end up slipping down the mountain/slinky at least a little bit. I also don't believe we ever get to the top or the finish, we just learn when we realize we are passing the same stack of rocks how to quickly navigate forward because we learned from this place in the journey where this stack of rocks is, and know where to go from here to make it towards the top.

All analogies or what not aside...this is your journey to better health, and if we look at a chart showing where you were a few years ago, to where you are now, we will see vast improvement, and that is what matters. Thank you for sharing your struggles and triumphs with the rest of us so that we don't feel alone in ours.

Lisa said...

Anyone who says their journey is "done" is a liar. Plain and simple. It is NEVER over. Keep riding those waves girl, you are getting closer to shore. :)

Lisa said...

Anyone who says their journey is "done" is a liar. Plain and simple. It is NEVER over. Keep riding those waves girl, you are getting closer to shore. :)

Lisa said...

Anyone who says their journey is "done" is a liar. Plain and simple. It is NEVER over. Keep riding those waves girl, you are getting closer to shore. :)

Princess Dieter said...

Every journey is different, and not everyone is lucky enough to have that straight trajectory and easy stroll. Spirals, circles, deserts, mountains, flooded bridges, pastures, whatever....we have our own path.

My point in losing weight and "fitting up" is to live my other dreams. To have the energy, self-confidence, strength, clarity, health needed to achieve OTHER STUFF. This was just step one. I figured if I could overcome this thing that plagued me for decades, I could achieve other things. I'd be body-ready, mind-ready in many ways to move FORWARD.

I stalled in life. Partly due to illness, partly due to lack of self-confidence, party due to neuroses.

But getting the eating under control has really empowered me, and that was what I was looking to find. I still have vexing health issues, and they may not go away, but I'm still fighting the good fight here and the point is...to CLIMB THIS MOUNTAIN and assess what my next mountain climb will be to have the life I want.

But I needed the fat out of the way to move to phase two.

Fat fight- foundation level of the house of Me I'm building for my last years. Phase 1.

The other phases will be easier with this done.

That's MY point. To be able to achievve those other things I've put off or couldn't do cause I was fat and sick and depressed about it all.

Weight loss isn't the point. Weight loss is to get me to the point. :D

You'll find your point. Just think of those dreams of yours..the ones you will follow with that new body...

Leslie said...

I'm with Lisa (all 3 times it was posted!) that there is no "done". It's been well demonstrated and researched that maintaining is harder than losing.

Sometimes our words define our reality. Thinking of this as an uphill climb and striving to aim back towards the top can leave me feeling defeated before I get out of the gate. I know you're speaking in metaphor, but I noticed it and related as I read your post.

The other thing is that for me, as a true and bona fide food addict, I know and I accept that I will likely always have to be very careful with certain categories of food, such as sugar and flour-involved foods. Maybe when I get to goal I'll be able to have an occasional piece of birthday cake or something, and I actually wouldn't want to ever give that up. But for today, I know that even one bite of my trigger foods greatly increase the odds that I'll end up overeating or bingeing.
If I decide to eat from that forbidden fruit list, it's with the knowledge, and maybe desire, that I'm choosing the dark side for myself, rather than striving for the light.

BTW, Lyn - I've finally posted for the last 2 days about my own dismal struggle, and cited you as my inspiration to be honest and real about what's going on. Check them out if you feel like it! Hugs -

beerab said...

I feel the same way you do- sometimes I feel embarrassed that I'm still on this journey 2 years later, but I try to remember overall how much better my health it. Which IMO is just as important as being at goal is. I'll never go back to the way I used to be because of all I have learned in those 2 years.

Karen said...

It's never done and each part of the journey can lead you somewhere that you never thought you'd be.

Good luck and safe travels.

I've found the journey easier without the trigger foods, that is for sure!!