Hmmm. I was thinking today. I haven't been on the scale in weeks. My pants still fit but just today felt a little tighter. They are jeans with no stretch to them so they let me know what's going on. I have a feeling I am not exactly 189 pounds anymore.
Anyway, I have so much stuff going on the rest of this week that I barely have time to think. I have been busy all day, and made the mistake of giving my daughter half a gummy worm for a special treat after dinner. She is not accustomed to sugar, and thus was still awake and popping out of bed at 9:15pm (with a 7:45 bedtime). It's past 10 now and I am trying to motivate myself to get up and move furniture and toys and such since I have carpet cleaning people coming at 8am. I'll be up and vacuuming at 7. Not my idea of a fun morning, but hey, I did get a puppy this year and the carpet cleaning is essential. It'll be nice to have fresh clean carpet. I'll have to be gone with the dog for about 4 hours while the carpet dries, though. And then, do I bring back my muddy puppy into the fresh carpet? Probably not. Will need to set up the hose and puppy shampoo in the backyard with some towels (now THAT will be FUN!). I also have volunteering and the usual other stuff. By Saturday I will be so ready for a day to kick back and be home with the kiddos!
Here's something interesting. When I am eating according to some plan, and I *want* some particular food that would not fit my plan that day, that food turns into the most appealing, magical, desirable food ever. I wish and wish for it. And I get a running list in my head of ten or fifteen foods I would really love to eat. I want them and think about how wonderful it would be to eat those things or to eat anything I felt like eating. It seems like it would be the most amazing experience, to be free to eat anything in any amount. I imagine each food to be so delicious, so inviting. There are so many foods I'd like to eat that I imagine how hard it would be to decide which ones to have even if I took an entire week off plan. And then, at whatever point I either *decide* to have that one amazing food, or go completely off plan and eat whatever I want, suddenly it is not so appealing. I eat that ice cream I was dreaming of, or whatever it was, and it is just okay. And then maybe I tell myself I can have anything I want and I will "start over tomorrow" or Monday or whenever. And suddenly, I can't think of anything I really want. Nothing. I have even gone into grocery stores with "permission" from myself to buy junk, and then end up wandering the aisles frustrated because I don't really want anything, and I leave, and go home and eat a chicken breast.
I know it IS the restriction itself... the thought that I can never have xyz again... that makes those off limit foods so desirable. I know that when I let that go and just allow myself to eat whatever, whenever, I no longer really give a darn what I eat. I am just as fine with a chicken breast as a piece of cake. So you might think this is *the answer* to eliminating those cravings. But it isn't. Not for ME. You know why? Because without a plan, without *some kind* of restriction even if it is calorie counting or portion size, I eat way, way too much. I put things in my mouth in the search for fulfillment. I go ahead and eat a peanut butter sandwich because nothing else is terribly appealing, and then when that doesn't satisfy I eat a burger, and then some cheese, then some banana bread. And I am sort of *meh* about all of it. Oh, I do get in a tizzy for a certain food sometimes, but once I get it, *meh*. Without a plan, I overeat, I eat things that are not good for me, I gain weight, I feel like crap. With a plan, I want things that are off plan. If no food is off plan, I want to eat quantities of it that are not conducive to health. And once I get started on certain foods like cake and ice cream, it is very, very difficult for me to stop at all.
So far the only time this cycle has been broken is while on Medifast. Eating that way the cravings and food obsession and desires all go away almost completely. I've written about it before. I am pretty sure it has to do with blood sugar levels being very stable and having most of the guesswork taken out of my eating. I have been doing a 'partial' Medifast plan lately, trying to sort of put my own spin on it and do it my way, but I've come to the conclusion that the doctors who made the plan know better than I do. I am now giving it my all, back to the plan as written because I am tired of the brain battle over food, and I really prefer the peace that comes with eating that particular way.
I guess I better get back on the scale soon.
*FTC-required disclosure: Medifast provided me with its products for my personal use for free. I am not paid or compensated in any other way for mentioning their products. Medifast states an "average weight loss of up to 2 to 5 pounds a week."*
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