Monday, October 3, 2011

Feeling Low

I had to take a little bloggy break. Truth be told, I don't feel like posting or thinking about weight or any of that, but I wanted to give an update so people wouldn't worry something happened to me.

My aunt passed away last week. We were closer when I was little, and had only seen each other for about a week two summers ago when I travelled back east to see her. It was a wonderful visit full of family stories and pictures and hugs. I felt connected once again to family who live so far away. This aunt was my mother's best friend before I was born. She knew my mother better than anyone alive. I had hoped to talk with her more about what my parents were like when they were dating, what my mother was like before and after I was born, what went wrong. But sadly, I won't get to do that. She passed away and I didn't get to say goodbye.

I feel bad. I feel guilty for not calling her that week but I didn't know she would be gone so soon. I feel empty because now there is almost no one left. My father died when I was 20, his parents long before, and he had no siblings. My other set of grandparents are also long gone, and all my uncles have passed years ago. I feel such a loss because I don't have a shared history with anyone. I have 2 aunts left and then the entire generation of my parents will be gone. I can't help but think "we're next." I can't help but feel sad that so few people are left that knew my parents and knew me as a child.

Anyway, if I sound sad, I am. Not only about the death, but because I currently have *the worst* PMS I have had in years right now. I am nauseous, sick, headachey, whiney, cranky, tired, crampy, and teary. I have had such an improvement in PMS over the years but this whole week has been awful. I am going to the doctor to see if the fibroid/cyst issues are contributing and to see if anything needs to be done. Probably in a week or two. But for now, I have been feeling a bit withdrawn. I am still making myself get out and live life, doing stuff with my kids and my dog, and that is what is keeping me going.

Thank you for the concern and good thoughts. Hopefully I will feel better in a day or two.

22 comments:

lisa~sunshine said...

Aww.. Lynn I'm sorry.. You have every right to be sad.. and to feel all those feelings.. I'm sorry you are going through this..

Keep your head up and reaching towards your goals as best as you can.. Take care...

N.R.E. said...

So sorry for your loss. Take care of yourself.,.,

Karen said...

Lyn, I am so sorry you are having such a tough time right now. I promise it will get better!!!

Tabitha said...

I'm so sorry for your loss, Lyn. That's got to be tough.

Deb Willbefree said...

Thanks for giving us the update, I was just wondering if I had unintentionally removed you from my blogroll and had clicked on to check, when--there you were!

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's okay to be sad; take your time with that.

Tough timing for it to hit at PMS--although, I guess it could be good timing in that you're getting all of the sad done at once rather than in consecutive weeks, you know?

Okay, that's small comfort.

You're in my prayers--and do be patient with yourself.

Deb

Sarah G said...

(((hugs)))

Lisa said...

so sorry :(

Anonymous said...

Sorry to hear about your Aunt. Thanks for posting, was wondering what was up with you.

PaulaM

LHA said...

So sorry....for all of the things you are experiencing right now. It is tough to go through times like this. Just know that there are a lot of us out here thinking of you and hoping that things turn around for you soon.

Anonymous said...

I totally understand how you feel. I have very little family left on my mother's side and zero on my fathers. I am (sadly) not close to my mother or two brothers and the few cousins, uncles or aunts that are left I have not had contact with in years and years. If I did not have my own two sons I would have no family connection at all. It can be depressing but I keep moving forward and appreciate the children I do have and the fact that life is a gift and I am grateful to be living it. Oh...and my PMS now being on anxiety! Can't life just cut some people a break! =)

Shayna said...

I'm so sorry Lynn. It is so hard to lose someone that you love. I hope you feel better soon.

Gavz said...

I'm really sorry for ur loss...
Please take care...
Bhargavi

Diandra said...

Sorry for your loss. Now go and make apoint of calling your remaining aunts every now and again. And don't remember, you have a shared history with your children!

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry for your loss. Wish you all the best.

❀❀ Dawn (Lay Down My Idols) ❀❀ said...

I'm sorry too. ((( hugs ))) We are here to help you go through this. Don't forget that!
Dawn

Anonymous said...

((((HUGS)))), Lynne. I'm so sorry you are going through this, and I can at least somewhat understand what you are feeling.

I lost my mother a month ago, and it's hard. I, like you, have a couple of aunts/relatives I'm very close with, and I am dreading losing them too.

I remember how bad PMS could be (I'm in early menopause, with it's own set of symptoms, no fun either), so I truly can relate.

Hang in there, sweetie, your little one (like mine) needs you!

kristi said...

I am sorry for your loss. I am 40 and have just about become the elder of the family...It is a rude awakening. I have never felt old, not ever, until all the "adults" you grew up with start passing away.

BTW, your "Feeling Low" post name has me singing, "do your arms hang low, do they wabble to and fro" ---all I can say is thanks, it will be weeks before I get that out of my head...... :-)

Dawn said...

My Mum once told me that for years she was the child, her Mother was in the middle and her grandmother was the old lady at the evening of her life. Then when she had me, she became the middle one and when I had my children she moved up to the oldest one and she said that move made her a little sad for she knew where the ages of life were taking her. I like you am now in the middle and I feel as you do the sadness as the older family members pass not only for their loss but for my movement along the family tree. You are doing such a good think to make this life the best and the happiest it can be and to make every age - the best, the happiest it can be. Take care during such a hard time and be kind to yourself. x

Kim said...

Lynn I'm sorry for your loss.... Let me add you are entitled to take a blog off moment you deserve it. You have been an inspiration to all of us for years; so it is time for us your *blog peeps* to give some of that back. You are being thought of today, and you and your family are in my prayers..

Not just another "Soccer Mom" said...

Lyn,

Today is my first time visiting your blog... A random Google search brought me here. I am in your same boat. I have one uncle and one aunt living and NO other relatives... both of them are fighting cancer. I gained over 30 lbs since January of this year, the day I found out my step father died and my best beloved uncle had stage 3 advanced lung cancer. I intend to fight back and loose the weight. I hope you stay on your journey too and I will be back looking for inspiration!

Shannon

Theresa said...

I am sorry for your loss. I am very happy that you are making wonderful memories with your children though.... you can tell them so many things. Do it Lynn. At the supper table make a game out of "when I was a kid I remember...." this is so awesome to play with children as they think they are so mature.

Dinahsoar said...

"I feel such a loss because I don't have a shared history with anyone."

You have a shared history with all your children...focus on that.

You can't undo the past.