I had to take a little bloggy break. Truth be told, I don't feel like posting or thinking about weight or any of that, but I wanted to give an update so people wouldn't worry something happened to me.
My aunt passed away last week. We were closer when I was little, and had only seen each other for about a week two summers ago when I travelled back east to see her. It was a wonderful visit full of family stories and pictures and hugs. I felt connected once again to family who live so far away. This aunt was my mother's best friend before I was born. She knew my mother better than anyone alive. I had hoped to talk with her more about what my parents were like when they were dating, what my mother was like before and after I was born, what went wrong. But sadly, I won't get to do that. She passed away and I didn't get to say goodbye.
I feel bad. I feel guilty for not calling her that week but I didn't know she would be gone so soon. I feel empty because now there is almost no one left. My father died when I was 20, his parents long before, and he had no siblings. My other set of grandparents are also long gone, and all my uncles have passed years ago. I feel such a loss because I don't have a shared history with anyone. I have 2 aunts left and then the entire generation of my parents will be gone. I can't help but think "we're next." I can't help but feel sad that so few people are left that knew my parents and knew me as a child.
Anyway, if I sound sad, I am. Not only about the death, but because I currently have *the worst* PMS I have had in years right now. I am nauseous, sick, headachey, whiney, cranky, tired, crampy, and teary. I have had such an improvement in PMS over the years but this whole week has been awful. I am going to the doctor to see if the fibroid/cyst issues are contributing and to see if anything needs to be done. Probably in a week or two. But for now, I have been feeling a bit withdrawn. I am still making myself get out and live life, doing stuff with my kids and my dog, and that is what is keeping me going.
Thank you for the concern and good thoughts. Hopefully I will feel better in a day or two.
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