Just wanted to update after a day at social occasions/parties.
These were nothing fancy, just regular folks in casual circumstances, but food always seems to be part of every social occasion. I knew it was coming; I posted about it this morning. I ate before I went. In fact, today I had some stomach pains that were rather disconcerting, which I chalk up to having too much fat yesterday as I blogged about earlier. It's happened before (the pains) and someone pointed out to me that it may be a gallbladder issue due to eating too much fat some days. I tend to agree. It scares me. A lot. I will have to see a doctor about it at some point.
Anyway, that pain was enough (if my own willpower wasn't) to keep me from indulging at these parties. At the first one there was freshly baked (real) pizza and pitchers of my old favorite, icy cold Coke (but no diet). They also had not one, but TWO cakes and ice cream. I helped serve the children and sat on the sidelines while everyone, including all of the adults, enjoyed the wonderful-smelling, tempting food. I felt left out, I admit it. I know it wasn't logical but there really was not much conversation going on except "oh wow this is yummy" as everyone was eating. I felt bad. I wondered if I would ever be able to eat that kind of thing again. Probably not. I can't seem to stop at one piece of anything like that. As I sat there I felt like I was in a bubble, alone. It was a crappy feeling. But it only lasted about 10 or 15 minutes, and then everyone was done eating and I could just enjoy the social occasion.
At the second party it was worse (better food) because there were open bowls of various kinds of chips, Cheetos, crackers, and Doritos sitting out as well as sugared drinks. I really, really like Doritos. I know they are bad for me. But I used to eat a whole bag, dipping them in sour cream. I sort of miss it even though I don't want to. It's a flavor thing. They taste good. They feel addictive. I like it. But I don't. Anyway, I managed to avoid those, ate the protein bar in my purse, drank some water. And then out came the yummy looking cake, and the ice cream sundae bar. All those toppings... candies, cookies, sauces, whipped cream, nuts... spread out for the taking. And I was helping serve, watching all the people making their sundaes, and you can bet that I wanted one. At this party, it was not the fear of a gall bladder attack that kept me from eating. It was fear of arthritis pain. If I eat sugary stuff, my joints hurt and ache so badly I have to take medication. Plus once I start I cannot stop and I didn't want to be 10 pounds heavier in a week from bingeing. So I didn't have any. And then they had another dessert, another cake that was homemade and looked and smelled just divine, and every other adult in the place was having some with ice cream on top, and gushing about how absolutely delicious it was, you have to try this, it is sooo good, and once again I was in my bubble, not joining in the group experience of this dessert.
I am not saying I didn't enjoy myself. The eating was only a small part of each occasion. But I will not kid you and say it isn't hard for me. It is hard. I wanted some of that food sooo badly. I was at that point of being *almost* willing to jump in with abandon, say screw it once again, eat what I wanted for a couple days and then get back on plan later. But the fear of medical repercussions kept me away from doing that. I fear the pain more than I dread that fat at this point.
I came home and made myself a completely on-plan, delicious dinner. In a nonstick pan, I sauteed 1.5 cups of chopped vegetables (green onions, mushrooms, green peppers, fresh tomatoes, baby spinach) with 1/2 cup of turkey sausage crumbles. Then I scrambled in 1/2 cup of Egg Beaters and when it was set, topped it all with 1/2 cup of shredded low fat sharp cheddar. It was very satisfying with a cup of decaf.
I know there are times food doesn't bother me at all, but this is not one of those times. Just the past two days have been a struggle. Hopefully it will pass and things will be easier again shortly.
Food on the Brain
1 day ago