Sunday, September 25, 2011

Update on the Parties

Just wanted to update after a day at social occasions/parties.

These were nothing fancy, just regular folks in casual circumstances, but food always seems to be part of every social occasion. I knew it was coming; I posted about it this morning. I ate before I went. In fact, today I had some stomach pains that were rather disconcerting, which I chalk up to having too much fat yesterday as I blogged about earlier. It's happened before (the pains) and someone pointed out to me that it may be a gallbladder issue due to eating too much fat some days. I tend to agree. It scares me. A lot. I will have to see a doctor about it at some point.

Anyway, that pain was enough (if my own willpower wasn't) to keep me from indulging at these parties. At the first one there was freshly baked (real) pizza and pitchers of my old favorite, icy cold Coke (but no diet). They also had not one, but TWO cakes and ice cream. I helped serve the children and sat on the sidelines while everyone, including all of the adults, enjoyed the wonderful-smelling, tempting food. I felt left out, I admit it. I know it wasn't logical but there really was not much conversation going on except "oh wow this is yummy" as everyone was eating. I felt bad. I wondered if I would ever be able to eat that kind of thing again. Probably not. I can't seem to stop at one piece of anything like that. As I sat there I felt like I was in a bubble, alone. It was a crappy feeling. But it only lasted about 10 or 15 minutes, and then everyone was done eating and I could just enjoy the social occasion.

At the second party it was worse (better food) because there were open bowls of various kinds of chips, Cheetos, crackers, and Doritos sitting out as well as sugared drinks. I really, really like Doritos. I know they are bad for me. But I used to eat a whole bag, dipping them in sour cream. I sort of miss it even though I don't want to. It's a flavor thing. They taste good. They feel addictive. I like it. But I don't. Anyway, I managed to avoid those, ate the protein bar in my purse, drank some water. And then out came the yummy looking cake, and the ice cream sundae bar. All those toppings... candies, cookies, sauces, whipped cream, nuts... spread out for the taking. And I was helping serve, watching all the people making their sundaes, and you can bet that I wanted one. At this party, it was not the fear of a gall bladder attack that kept me from eating. It was fear of arthritis pain. If I eat sugary stuff, my joints hurt and ache so badly I have to take medication. Plus once I start I cannot stop and I didn't want to be 10 pounds heavier in a week from bingeing. So I didn't have any. And then they had another dessert, another cake that was homemade and looked and smelled just divine, and every other adult in the place was having some with ice cream on top, and gushing about how absolutely delicious it was, you have to try this, it is sooo good, and once again I was in my bubble, not joining in the group experience of this dessert.

I am not saying I didn't enjoy myself. The eating was only a small part of each occasion. But I will not kid you and say it isn't hard for me. It is hard. I wanted some of that food sooo badly. I was at that point of being *almost* willing to jump in with abandon, say screw it once again, eat what I wanted for a couple days and then get back on plan later. But the fear of medical repercussions kept me away from doing that. I fear the pain more than I dread that fat at this point.

I came home and made myself a completely on-plan, delicious dinner. In a nonstick pan, I sauteed 1.5 cups of chopped vegetables (green onions, mushrooms, green peppers, fresh tomatoes, baby spinach) with 1/2 cup of turkey sausage crumbles. Then I scrambled in 1/2 cup of Egg Beaters and when it was set, topped it all with 1/2 cup of shredded low fat sharp cheddar. It was very satisfying with a cup of decaf.

I know there are times food doesn't bother me at all, but this is not one of those times. Just the past two days have been a struggle. Hopefully it will pass and things will be easier again shortly.

18 comments:

Karen said...

Wow...as always I am totally impressed. I have to admit that I would have caved telling myself "its only one day" but then that day would become a week, then several months, and I would regain every ounce of this 23 pounds I have fought so hard to lose!!! I applaud your wise choices, Lyn!!! I want to be YOU when I grow up!

timothy said...

i'm proud of you, you did what you know was in your best interest. the head over-ruled the stomach and that's always difficult! xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Steelers6 said...

Great job! I'll bet you are so proud of you! And probably even alittle amazed, right? Way to go!
Chrissy

Deb Willbefree said...

Oh, man. I won't relist the food, but what you had to face--twice!--was killer.

Take a deep breath and hang in there!

Deb

moving under skies said...

I'm really impressed Lyn. Whatever the reasons, you didn't give in. The number of times I've told myself I can and will be strong and then - I'm not. It's the kind of thing people with "normal" relationships with food wouldn't think twice about, which is why I'd like to say well done!

Forty Pound Sack said...

Wow, just wow. There is no way I could have stayed through two parties and not had even a sliver of cake or a lick of ice cream. You are very inspiring, my friend ~

downsizers said...

Did you notice those people indulging like you wanted to? Were they slim and healthy? I wonder. Just reading how you describe all that was available is proof once again the emotions we attach to food and eating. Well done. You prevented the consequences of eating things that are not good for you. Social occasions are certainly a challenge but you were proactive and did the right thing.

Marilyn said...

Hooray for you, Lyn! Like everyone else here, I am VERY impressed with your fortitude and resolve! I can't tell you how many times I've made those promises to myself and then caved in - let's just say DECADES-worth! And I know the sadness of giving up something that has so much tenderness associated with it; the many, many times I've taken comfort in sweets! But we're both making wiser choices now and I'm so very glad!!

Anonymous said...

saddened but not surprised that neither of these parties seemed to have any healthy food on offer. would it have killed someone to put out a veggie platter and some low fat greek yoghurt? not everyone wants to eat that stuff....

Erika said...

Lyn, YOU ROCK! That is so hard to do, and you did it. I hope you are incredibly proud of yourself.

I know there are foods that I must stay away from, because I can't have just one. Chips and dip are my total weakness, so I just don't even go there. Sometimes it's incredibly frustrating, especially at bbq's. But you know what? I look at my "before" pictures, and suddenly I don't feel so deprived :-).

Lyn said...

Thanks all, for the support.

downsizers~

there was only one female bigger than me there. Most of them were, oyu know, average men and women who might have an extra 5 or 10 pounds, or relatively thin.

Anonymous said...

I think it's easy, in the middle of dieting, to lose sight of what normal looks like. I mean, you could have had a piece of pizza or two, not eaten the usual protein and not lost weight today. It is possible for me to do that in maintenance mode, as a shorter female, as long as I exercise and eat right the rest of the time. Gathering together with friends once a week or so can be a time of small indulgence. There's a learning curve to how big is possible and how small is enough, but once you know how to eat really, really clean, you can add small bits of junk later. Believe you can, and you will.

Lisa said...

I admire your honesty about your feelings. I felt that way at EVERY event until after my surgery. I am in a place now where I can eat what I want but in really smal portions. It is enough to "fit in" but not enough to take of off track. I have a tool medically that helps me but you did this 100% on your own. GOOD for you. That is something to be proud of!

logovo said...

That is so hard to do! It's great that you were able to resist making a decision you would later regret.

becca said...

I felt this exact same way at a baby shower on Sunday. There were only 10 of us, and a ton of food including cakes, candy, and even fruit which I can't have on Medifast... It is so tuff, and I felt horrible and acquard during the eating frenzy. But made it through. It's real tuff, but I'm proud of you!

beerab said...

Great job resisting temptation- Doritos are also a HUGE weakness for me. My hubby buys a bag a week of NACHO CHEESE ONES! A few bags ago I ate HALF of it. Then the last bag I ate a few bites- this time I'm determined to NOT touch the bag!

N.R.E. said...

Great job! I'm proud of you for staying on plan and not giving in. One tip: I've found that if I eat before parties, it doesn't help me much. Instead, I bring food. I also try to bring stuff that will "mimic" the experience others are having, so for me, it's veggies and hummus (so I can munch and dip along with everyone) and yogurt or sugar free Jell-O (so I can have something sweet). This way, I don't feel left out and I'm not stuck watching everyone else eat.

Anonymous said...

Just a couple of thoughts from an addict: One bite is too much and a thousand never enough. And, when in the presence of indulgent eaters, I try to remember (like you did, indeed, state) that the eating experience only takes a few minutes and we are all on to something else. It's the all-you-can-eat, all day buffets that kill me -- every time. I'd love some advice on how to handle those. With the eating "trifecta" (Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas) right around the corner, it would be great to have some new tools in the toolkit.