Saturday, September 3, 2011

Thoughts

Up since 2am with my poor little sick girl. She has been vomiting for 6.5 hours now and finally is falling asleep on the couch all tucked in next to me. This calls for an extra cup of coffee.

Someone asked in the comments yesterday, "why not just go back on Medifast?" I'd be lying if I said I haven't considered it. This maze of low carb, Mediterranean, Paleo, clean eating, calorie counting, gluten avoiding, portion figuring has me pretty tired. I miss the simplicity of a specific plan. But I also know I was, in the end, very resistant to the structure. Actually, that is probably my main problem anyway. I am resistant to structure, rules, and limitations... which is what got me fat in the first place (at least in part.) It was the "who says I can only have one value meal from McDonald's?? Who says I can't eat the whole pack of cookies myself? So what if I just ate an hour ago, I want another meal!" I don't like that bit of myself that seems whiny and demanding and entitled. I try to think of it in terms of wanting/being entitled to better health and of choosing for myself a way of eating to nourish my body, but really in the end it comes down to me wanting a peanut butter cup and having that same stupid fight with myself over and over about whether I will have it or not.

Anyway, all of this is just thinking out loud, and I have had very little sleep so I will think more on this tomorrow. But right now, I am more annoyed than anything, that yesterday I had to try on five different shirts before finding one that covered my muffin top in a reasonable manner, and by the end of that fiasco I was pretty pissed off at myself for letting it happen.

21 comments:

Karen said...

Hope you and your daughter feel better soon. Ah, yes, coffee can be a real spirit renewing item.

For me, the structure of Medifast is a tool. A tool to loose weight and an open window of clarity to not feeding the food addiction.

Sometimes when I have thoughts of eating sugar I say to myself, well, that's the disease- the addition speaking. I don't have to act on it.

That's why I chose Medifast as a tool. First for the weight loss, but second for the personal health coach that can be on my "team" for transition and maintenance.

It's such a short time on Medifast, if you consider your whole life. But it's turned into the tool I'll need, temporarily, until I transition onto regular foods, but at a lower weight and a much more clear mind and way better habits. Health, energy, and a better way to live for the next half of my life.

I know there's a lot of Medifast haters out there, but for me it's the right combo to health, a healthy weight and healthier emotions.

I can spend my money on vacations, a dog for my daughter, and fun stuff and not healthcare expenses from the side effects of obesity and sugar.

timothy said...

sending prayers and healing to the little one! and the blessing of clarity to you! xoxoxoxoxoxo

Deb Willbefree said...

I hear ya, girlfriend. I do.

I yearn for the day when I decide, "i'm having an extra helping of broccoli and I don't care what anyone thinks!"

Yeah. It'll be a long wait for that one. :)

I hope you and your little one are getting some good sleep.

Deb

Floriana said...

Sorry about your little girl, Lyn. Hope she feels better already and if not then very soon.

Yeah, I don't think going back to Medifast would be a good thing for you. You already tried several times to get off of it and it didn't work. So, unless you decide to stay on it for ever it is better to stick it out and find a plan that will work for you for both losing and maintaining. Anyway, good luck, Lyn. I hope you will find your path back to the lower weight soon.

Maggie said...

Hope your little girl feels better soon. I found your blog and am now following it. Spent yesterday reading your posts.

Great blog.

Smile Bunches Today.

Karen said...

Medifast is not forever. It's for the first two phases, weight loss and transition. You don't have to eat Medifast foods the rest of your life. It's a tool to use.

There are many tools for weight loss and transition, in my opinion.

Unless you identify and deal with the root cause of reaching for sugar instead of facing the problem, you'll find yourself in the same circle of addition. Also my opinion.


Best of luck what ever you decide. You are worth it, we are all worth the work it takes to a healthier life, weight, mind, body.

Now off to make a most excellent cup of coffee!

Tabitha said...

Hope your daughter feels better soon, Lyn. And I hope YOU get some sleep!

Lori said...

I hope baby girl is better soon.

I know what you mean about limitations. They irritate me too.

You'll find the right path for you. You already know that it isn't always the same path. You've done whatever works for as long as it worked. That is the right thing. You'll find the next way of eating soon enough. You're strong and won't let this defeat you.
Lori

Princess Dieter said...

Sorry your little on is so ill. Puking...bad. :(

What Medifast taught you, you can carry--that you can do fine with fewer calories, that you can do better with lower carb, that you CAN lose weight steadily--those are actually good lessons.

But Medifast is, in the end, crap. Processed, non-real crap. And that's not food to eat in any sort of long-term. The idea is to replicate the good from the program using whole, real foods. That much soy is NOT beneficial, just ask the breast cancer survivors what they're told re diet. Just ask hypothyroids.

You are going to have to get over the don't like structure thing. Being civilized adults IS about structure. YOu get up, brush your teeth,eat reasonably, go to school or go to work or do one's home chores, and go to appointments, and pay bills, and see doctors, and cut hair, and bathe. Life IS structuer. Why should food be any different.

Get over the not liking structure. See it as part of being organized and productive, not as shackles. Food restraint can be liberating--as many folks on systems learn. Just set your own restraints. :) Not Medifast. You, with what you've learned and your health and flavor needs. YOUR structuer for health.

I pray wellness for your little one and for you.

Kristine said...

Poor little one, hope she wakes up like a new princess!

I have had many ups and downs with weightloss. I have tried many things; low carb, calorie counting, paleo. In the end I have found what works for me is eating a very healthy balanced diet and not restricting to this many calories or that many carbs. I eat 2000-2500 calories a day. I have learned to balance it out. I have also made exercise the number 1 priority. I get in at least 45 minutes of exercise a day. Not just a stroll down the road but not so hard that I am gonna pass out. Sure I am losing a pound a week, that's probably nothing to everyone else but I know I worked my ass off to lose it and I didn't restrict anything. I am happy with my slow and steady loss. I am even happier knowing that I don't have to figure out what the heck I am going to eat when I am at my goal, because I am already eating for life.

I really hope you find out what is going to work best for you. You just need to do what works for you and not what works for someone else, ya know. I honestly think you still have not found it yet.

downsizers said...

I agree with Princess Dieter. It sounds like you are trying to find something that works so you don't have to. You know better than that!

jmak said...

Hi Lyn,
Every once in a while I check in on your blog to see how you're doing. We're about the same weight now, and I feel your struggle. I've been on Medifast for a few months... and it's only temporary. Some day soon I will need to step out into the big, bad world of regular food. :) You know what I like about Medifast? No cravings that make me feel insane about food. People who don't get those crazy cravings just don't understand. But I do. I get it. It's hard, sometimes impossible, to resist and overcome. I'm finding my way too. I hope that your path levels out and gets smoother.

Lyn said...

I get that not everyone likes the concept of Medifast or any meal replacement system, and I understand that. I agree the ideal menu for most of us would be real, fresh, organic, unprocessed foods. However, even though I am not doingMedifast right now, I strongly disagree that Medifast is "crap". I did a heck of a lot of research before I ever decided to put Medifast into my body, including talking to my own doctor. Yes, it is processed, but it isn't meant to be a lifetime diet. It is a program for weight loss designed by cardiologists at Johns Hopkins, and it does what it is meant to do if one follows the program. And after months on Medifast my doctor was thrilled with the improvements in my health. Even my bloodwork was much improved including my metabolic panel. "Crap" didn't do that; a good, sound medically designed program did.

Jan Mader said...

Your blog is so inspirational. Thank you...

Anonymous said...

I wanted to chime in here, because hearing that Medifast is "crap" makes me angry too.

ANY food that makes your body feel worse rather than better is "crap". For *some* people dairy does that. For *some* people high carbs does that. For some people shellfish will do it. For some people peanuts do that.

If Lyn was feeling better (as measured by mood, triglycerides, lowered weight, cholesterol, headaches), I would argue that Medifast foods are a better fuel for her body, EVEN if used long term.

If what she eats causes cravings and the lack of self-control that inevitably leads to binging, weigh-gain, shame, join pain, depression and headaches then those foods need to be eliminated and have NO ROOM in a healthy food plan.

I think this idea that moderation is manditory for everyone really causes a lot of people who have food disorders to flail around for YEARS of their lives.

Is "natural/organic/local/blahblahblah" wheat bread healthy if it promotes high insulin levels (in a person who's cells are no longer sensitive)? What about apples? If you are spiking your insulin levels after eating an organic apple then are the nutrients you derive from the apple offset and negated by your body's hypersensitivity to the apple's high fructose levels?

I really respect how tenacious Lyn has been with the weight-loss journey and her honesty in sharing her struggles... but I think ultimately she and a LOT of other people (including myself) fool themselves into thinking that because an apple is organic and local that it must be something healthy for them to eat.

I would argue that if what you put in the car makes the car sluggish, have no power, not start well in the morning and blow black smoke (heartburn/gas anyone?) that it is not the appropriate fuel for that car.

I still am eating crap I shouldn't... and weigh much more than I should, but I have quit putting this holy status to whole grains/fruits/sugary vegetables. Maybe for my engine those fuels will never work well. Because my motor doesn't run well on them.

Early humans did not eat all this stuff... and like an older car, my body can't handle it anymore. I've got to quit expecting weightloss or the fact that it's organic or even if it was grown in my own garden to change that fact.

Anyway... it sucks. I want to eat like everyone else... but of course, when I go in a store, I notice that everyone else is fat too.

Karen said...

Lyn,

That's the amazing thing, my lab work was completely normal, too. Much better cholesterol, lipids, lower CRP.

I can't wait to see my HA1C test in a few months.

Not really sure why it works, but just glad for the time to get my healthy habits practiced so that they become part of my life.

Take care and hope your little one is feeling better. No fun when the kiddos get sick.

Anonymous said...

I also struggle with bad sugar levels.

I'm looking into starting the Paleo diet/a high-fat diet. The different sites I've been to seem to vary slightly in their definition of Paleo (mainly - can you eat fruit). Can anyone recommend a good site/book?

Has anyone here followed this diet with long-term success? Is there a transition period (at the moment, carbs(i.e. fruit, wholegrains) constitute about 60 % of my diet). Just tired of the sugar spikes.

Diandra said...

Have you heard of the "Master your metabolism" book and cook book from Jillian Michaels? I don't like her, and I don't like her style of writing and talking, but I was intrigued and got the cookbook, and it is great. No more "I act as if I am a food you have decided you cannot eat" stuff (like "tofu noodle substitute" or "I can't believe it's not butter" or whatever). Good explanations on what is going on with hormones and stuff. I am totally going to buy the other book as soon as I do have the money. ^^

Apart from that - I think you are doing great with figuring stuff out for yourself. No one else can tell you what is going on with your body (although doctors do have the explanations on all the biological stuff), and awareness, I guess, is the key to your well-being.

(Oh, and the recipes from the cook book are delicious.)

Anonymous said...

What I dont get is, how people are stuffing themselves and their fellow human beings are starving to death in the Horn of Africa (somalia). I am a Muslim and so just finished the holy month of Ramadan where we fast for 30 days from sunrise to sundown (no food or water) so that we feel compassion for the hungry, isnt that a motivator in even non Muslims lives?
People are watching their children/loved ones die of starvation, its sickening! Parents have to leave some of their children on the side of the road as they move from place to place hoping for some better luck (they cant carry all the children and some cant walk anymore).
Maybe if the obese think of that when they want to binge, it will help them to stop?

Lyn said...

Anonymous~

Interesting thoughts. I agree of course it is terribly sad and tragic that people are starving. The news stories about the children are heartwrenching. Of course if they were here in front of us I am sure ALL of us, obese or not, would give whatever food we are about to eat to them instead. Sadly, the two are not really connected... kind of like when our parents used to say "clean your plate! There are children starving in Africa!" Donating to the relief of such hunger is a good thing. But guilting myself into not eating because others have less has never been an effective (nor healthy) strategy for me.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous -

I'm glad you feel morally superior after your religious fast.

Maybe when people keep having children, they'll think about all the starving children and stop! having! children! they! can't! support!

Birth control/family planning. It's 2011.