Thursday, July 14, 2011

Trying to Turn It Around

Can I just say that I am so miserable right now? PMS hit me with lightening speed out of the blue, like a snake striking from behind a rock as I was walking a pleasant path. I should have known; the symptoms are always far worse when I eat sugar, and I am still not 100% recovered from my trip. Coming home has been stressful; I had to miss obedience and agility with my pup this week (and those are my favorite activities... the only "me time" I get to relieve stress) and now I am trying to hold it together for a big party that I am having for my daughter. I love, love, love my kids' birthdays. The fact that I am feeling so icky makes me sadder because this would be a very joyful event for me if I felt better. It's a vicious cycle of emotions that I need to pull out of ASAP. I can't afford to sit and coddle myself in a pity party today.

I am a huge advocate of "feeling your feelings." Stuffing them down got me fat. Eating my feelings because they were unpleasant led me to morbid obesity. And learning to stop eating and just FEEL and let the emotions BE has been key to my recovery. But there is a big difference between feeling the feelings and wallowing in them. It's essential to allow one's self to experience grief, sadness, anger, frustration, etc without trying to cover those emotions up with food, alcohol, drugs, or other things. That's why I sat on the floor yesterday and just cried for 20 minutes. It was how I felt, and it was valid. It was uncomfortable but it had to come out. And today I still feel the frustration (and the PMSy edginess) but I also know it is time to pick myself up out of the puddle and turn it around.

I want to enjoy every moment with my family and friends today. I am choosing now to let go of the sadness, let it shrink back to its normal, small size and focus on the many, many blessings and reasons I have to be joyful. Like this:

My birthday tea party, given for me by my daughter.

How can I not be happy with a gift like that? I have the most thoughtful, lovely, amazing little girl in the world! And today, we celebrate our lives together.

Hopefully by this weekend, the sugar will be out of my system, my arthritis flare will calm back down, and the PMS monster will be gone. Until then, I still choose joy.

16 comments:

Leslie said...

Hang tight, Lyn. Yesterday was my first sugar-free and white flour free day in a few months. I expect some withdrawal to kick in but am going to take it as it comes - not as I project it!

I just wanted to note a reaction to something you said, "I want to enjoy every moment with my family and friends today. I am choosing to let go of the sadness...". What came to mind is that I'm not sure it's possible to "let go" of sadness or any other feeling. I think that as we focus on the good stuff (like you said), the sadness diminishes for a time but may still hover in the recesses of our psyches. That doesn't mean you can't still enjoy your day and all therein.

You're doing amazing work by letting yourself feel, cry and just be. Just because a day has a special connotation (like a b'day)doesn't mean we "shouldn't" be sad or funky. If we are, we are. Feelings aren't always convenient.

Isn't it amazing how sugar can derail us? How many hundreds of times have I proved that to myself and still go back for more! I hope you have a good day.

Diandra said...

For some people, moderate exercise helps reduce PMS. Have you tried? Maybe going for a longer/brisker walk with your pup or doing the treatmill for 20min...

❦ fitcetera said...

Happy Birthday, Lyn!
The birthing of a new you! ♡

Vee and the Kid said...

How incredibly sweet! No pun intended. Don't our children constantly amaze us?!?!

Vee at http://veegettinghealthy.blogspot.com/2011/07/conundrum-help.html

Sandra said...

Happy Birthday Lyn! from a fellow Cancerian. xoxox

Eschelle said...

That is soo lovely I love your tea set!

timothy said...

just stick to your plan and you'll make it through. and the tea looks lovely!

S.A. said...

You have so many FANTASTIC things happening in your life right now. Be happy, be proud, be thankful. Everything else will come with time- you know how to do it :)

Bunpoh said...

You have my greatest sympathy! I have PMS like that too. My brain chemistry really drags me down, everything seems hopeless and horrible, and I get totally irritable on top of it all. Plus, migraines, increased joint pain, cramps, the works.

You're doing great by recognizing why you feel the way you do and taking care of yourself. That's what I try to do, cry if I want to a little, try to distract myself, wait it out.

The only thing that has ever helped me even a little is Emerita, an over the counter organic bioidentical progesterone cream that my naturopath turned me onto. I use it for the 2 weeks leading up the first day of my cycle, has lessened the severity a fair amount. BUT not completely. I still have ONE bad day and a few eh ones. Of course, it doesn't do any good unless you've been using it for the weeks leading up to it all. Still, just a heads up, in case you're interested for the future.

Anyways, I hope you feel better soon! And you're daughter's gift is lovely!

Jill said...

Hang in there! One moment at a time. I really like how you are trying to focus on the joy. I also think that you are so amazingly brave to be feeling your feelings and not eating them. You are an inspiration to me! Happy Birthday!

Anonymous said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Your little girl is so sweet!

Hugs, Maria (who is also having a birthday soon!)

P.S. - I'm proud of you for no longer stuffing down your feelings with food! I've been working on this myself, and have alienated some people who are used to me being so accommodating and never letting anyone know if they hurt me. My (morbidly obese) sister is like this, she never says how she is feeling and goes overboard to make people happy... at the expense of her health and her own happiness. My (supermorbidly obese) mother is the same. It's the way we were raised, to give the shirts off our backs to help others, at our expense.

I can't do that anymore. I need to take care of myself and my child.

Hugs, Maria

Lisa said...

Happy Birthday to you, what a sweet gift. I hope you are feeling better soon!

Ximenax said...

Happy Birthday and thank you so much for your blogs you are a real person and reading yo gives me a perspective I didn't have before.
Take care,
Ximena

❀❀ Dawn (Lay Down My Idols) ❀❀ said...

It hit me also this week...I really needed to take a mental break and let things go for a bit...a tea party sounded PERFECT! LOVE the plates & cups. So pretty!
Dawn

definingmore said...

Happy happy birthday. Lovely post. When I need a good cry I pop a movie. I completely bawled over the sad pink flamingo in Gnomeo and Juliet tonight.

kass09 said...

Hey Lyn,
I just wanted to say your post on this totally inspires me and encourages me to be able to allow myself to just feel the emotions I try and hide with food. I am SO the emotional eater and am almost scared to let my body feel the sadness or anger or anxiety so that is 100% why I turn to food. Your realness in sharing that you sat on the floor and cried for 20mins is awesome because some days or nights I feel like doing just that but don't allow myself to and so I run to the kitchen. I am going to try that though and keep letting myself really feel the raw feelings and quit hiding them with the feeling of food and being full and binge eating. Again thank you! You are an inpsiration :).
~Kassandra