Saturday, July 2, 2011

The Sloppy Look

This might not be a popular thing to say, because everyone (myself included) is about self-love and saying positive things about one's body, but this is something I *do* feel and need to deal with. It's reality.

I feel like I look sloppy right now.

I don't mean the kind of sloppy look I had at 278 pounds. I was never one of those ladies who dresses up and wears makeup and looks gorgeous regardless of her size. When I was morbidly obese, I pretty much looked like crap. I did not take very good care of myself (I will cut myself a break, though, as I was caring for a critically ill child and put myself on the back burner). I had a few 3X tee shirts I rotated through for tops, and a couple of them had stains on the front. I had 3 pairs of plain black stretch pants I wore, and black stretch capri pants for summer. They were baggy and saggy and did nothing for my figure, and often had large holes worn through between the thighs. I did not bother with makeup and did the very minimal amount of hair care possible. My "style" was sloppy, but my body itself wasn't, really. It was fairly smooth looking and the skin was tight and firm and I just looked morbidly obese.

But now, even though I dress nicer and care for myself better, I feel like my body has this sort of in-between-thin-and-fat sloppy look. Like, instead of smooth lines, I have more lumps in odd shapes. I have more hangy bits. My arms, my thighs, my hips all sort of sag. They do not have that smooth, flowing curvy look but have a lumpy bumpy hangy look. I don't like it.

This is a partial motivator for me to keep working on my weight. I do think as I lose more fat, the lumps will shrink a bit and maybe the skin will even tighten up a little as I do my skin care routine. As I lift weights and get into better shape, the muscles will also firm up and, I hope, give my body more definition.

I know I would look less sloppy if I got some new clothes, too. Right now I have nothing that fits right on my bottom half. Everything is too big (except for my long jeans but hey, it is 90 degrees, I am not wearing long jeans!) or too small (like the capri jeans I bought last month that no way, no how fit me). I could wear spanx and other shapewear, but at this point it's hardly worth it. It is hot and I don't really care *that* much what random people in a grocery store think. However, people, I desperately need to do something about the bra situation! I have lost many inches in the bust, and things are *not* in the right place right now! My bras are too big, and the sag makes me look sloppier. I have never gone for a bra fitting before, but I think it is time. Can anyone direct me to a decent place/chain where I can be fitted for a bra? I am nervous about it but my gosh, it just needs to happen if I am going to keep my girls from meeting my belly on a regular basis! Help?

Ah well. When I look in the mirror, I don't love the way my body looks right now, but I do appreciate all it does for me and how much improved it is from several years ago. It is a work in progress. I also need to work on my posture. I have noticed when I walk by mirrors that my posture sucks! I think at my high weight it just got too fatiguing to stand up straight, and now I need to pay attention and practice this. If you have any good posture tips I am all ears about that, too.

Thanks for listening to me rant! Sometimes, I think we stuff our thoughts and feelings down because what we feel is not *politically correct.* But I have learned something. Whatever I think and feel, it is valid for ME. And it is best to get those thoughts and feelings out, process them, bounce them off people, and readjust. I appreciate being able to do that here.

I am planning to try my hand at making carne asada on the grill today or tomorrow. I have no idea what I am doing, but I got some nice thin cut lean steak to try it with! Have a great weekend!

32 comments:

Anonymous said...

Why not measure yourself to get an idea of your approximate size? Here's a link that explains how:

http://www.herroom.com/bra-fitting-advice,901,30.html

I've been measured at Victoria's Secret, but when I tried on bras in that size, my boobs squeezed out in all directions. Fit is more important than size: http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/Bra-Fitting-Tips

Lori said...

There is a place in my area called Soma Intimates that does free bra fitting.

I'm having a horrible time tucking my skin in around the waist of my clothes. I've started wearing a girdle! It keeps the skin from flapping all over the place and gives a smooth appearance.

I think it is a small price to pay for the weight loss. I'll probably have it removed once I get to my goal weight.
Lori

Ashley said...

After losing 75 lbs recently, my girls are definitely different. My old bra was loose (what was the point of wearing it?) and I felt frumpy. I went to Victoria Secret this week and had a fitting. Tons of bras and an hour later (and $90 poorer) I have 2 new beautiful bras. I feel SOOOO much better. I even feel like my waist looks smaller. And, hey, it's a mood booster to go from a 42DD to 36D! ;)

BigFire said...

I'm still in the same boat. I don't do too much shopping, and this year, I've spend more on clothing than I had in the past couple of years combined.

I'm still trying to figure out what my actual size is.

Okiebelle said...

I don't know if you have a Dilliard's in your area, but they have trained fitters that do an excellent job of fitting you. Also, I believe J C Penney does the same. I have found that not only do they know more than Victoria's Secret, their bras provide more support and a better fit overall, esp. if you are heavier up top.

vanessa said...

I just purchased 2 bras from Lane Bryant because they have a sale--buy 2 bras and get 2 free. The style I chose actually smooths your back fat! (it was pretty nice).Also you get the two bras on the spot as opposed to the places where they mail your free ones to you!!
Hope this helps

Shelley said...

Soma. I've been amazed at how much thinner I look after being fitted for their bras (and a bit perkier, too!).

I think after a big weight loss, we have to find a new normal - yes, there are weird sags that come with deflated skin, but you will figure out what clothing styles work to camouflage that - in my case, I found that print t-shirts hide those bumps pretty well. Good luck, and treat yourself to some clothes that fit - you deserve it!

Anonymous said...

Nordstrom's or Macy's also do great bra fittings, albeit on the more pricey side, esp if you are larger in the chest area. And you can always hit up a Nordstrom Rack or a Ross once you know your size and how bras should fit.
Also, after losing some weight I felt worse about myself for a while. Then I realized it was because none of my clothes fit properly. What had been cute when I was bigger now just felt frumpy. I hit up Goodwill for some clothes that fit, and it really helped. Just my two cents...
Marie

Jackie said...

Hey Lyn!

Congrats on all the positive changes you're making!

You will DEFINITELY see the change once you are properly fitted for foundation garments. When you have clean lines underneath (no lumps or bulges, plenty of support), your clothes will wear so much better. It will be a *huge* self-esteem boost. :-)

Are you close to Nordstrom's? In my experience, they do a really fine job of bra-fitting. They will not only be able to give you your band & cup size accurately, but give you different options for brands.

If cost is an issue, you can write down the brand and size and buy the items on eBay NWT (New With Tags) or TJMaxx, Ross.

Good luck, Lyn. :)

PS: Spanx are really not so bad, even in hot weather. They are a great choice with skirts or anything form-fitting. I like the "Slim Cognito" for dresses & vintage-y stuff.

Pure Sweetness said...

After losing about 126lb myself, I too need good bras. I really like JC Penny's. They have people who measure you. I would also recommend just trying on different bras and find which ever one you feel fits you best.

Hope that helps.

TwentyOneDaysTo-A-Fitter-Me said...

I really related to this blog, that is how I feel frequently/recently in regards to my look, sloppy at times, and need to put more effort in to finding clothes that fit better.

I have a child with disabilities and was also so wrapped up in caring for them that that is when the pounds started packing in for me. So glad I found your blog!

Jenn @ Cooking Aweigh the Pounds said...

I've been to JcPenney, Macy's, Victoria Secret and Nordstrom for bra fittings and Nordstom is exceptional at their fittings. I've never seen my girls up so high before (I'm a DDD.) Instantly lose 5 lbs! :)

Lily Fluffbottom said...

You deserve to take care of your self, and to start looking as good as you feel now. My friend got bra fitted at Nordstroms, and my cousin has a friend that bra fits at Dillards.

But mostly, take some time to celebrate you as you are right now in this moment. You deserve it.

Marshmallow said...

But mostly, take some time to celebrate you as you are right now in this moment. You deserve it. <-- THIS.

We only have one life and every day is a gift. If you don't celebrate you for who you are right now, what happens if tomorrow is taken away from you?

You deserve to look and feel your best every damn day.

Lyn said...

Thanks so much you guys, all of you. I am so blessed to have your input and support. Thank you!!

Sue said...

I second the remarks about Nordstrom's fitting. They are really careful and make a huge differrence. The bra you buy there will be pricey but great; you can use the size to get others by mail order. Try "Decent Exposures."

Ms. Scooter Butt said...

I love how you share your real feelings. It natural to be self critical and I so know the sloppy look.

Carne Asada is so good. I like the way they sell I think it is a beef bottom roast sliced in 3 to 4 ounce slices. For me I take the whole package and divide it in bags. It helps so much with my diet portions.

LHA said...

I tend to feel "crisper" and "neater" in clothes that are better constructed and a little more fitted. I also find clothing with not too much stretch tends to make me look firmer. I tended to wear too many loose clothes out of stretchy knit fabrics which weren't flattering. It is worth the extra effort and expense to buy some new, better fitting and better constructed clothing. Look how hard you have worked to lose the weight and you deserve to look and feel good! It is definitely part of my "new" self to treat myself as well as I deserve to be treated. I spent WAY too many years not taking care of my health and my looks because I didn't believe I was entitled to anything nice because I was overweight. I buy new clothes when I want to and if I only wear them a few times before they get too big.....that's fine! Someone else can enjoy them when I pass them on to charity.

I do agree with everyone else that a good fitting bra can make you look thinner.....and younger too! Good luck.

Anonymous said...

YES to what Shelley said, and I'm all for the great thrift stores out there -- shopping second-hand is one of my great stress-relievers, and I got several new wardrobes as I slid down the scale (and went the other way, too!). I agree that there's the tendency to stay sloppy while large -- it's more practical and takes less effort. And I know a lot of women consider buying new clothes an indulgence that we have to "deserve," but I agree that it's important to keep the self-esteem up and really see and feel how we're doing fit-wise by switching out the wardrobe occasionally, especially the understuff -- that makes all the difference.

As far as posture tips go, the only thing that works for me is regular strength-training, both upper and lower body. My posture naturally improved as my abs and and hams/glutes and shoulder/chest got stronger. Just sitting and working, however, I use a back support and a foot rest, or a good chair with a high back and adjustable seat. But the new bra will be an instant help!^)

timothy said...

i'm sure victorias secret does fittings, some of the larger chains probably do as well. postures also VERY important. i definately think caring for your apperence makes you feel better of course i don't have that worry but now (thank you very much) i have otto titsling by bette midler running thorugh my head! lololol

Diandra said...

There's an odd family "habit" we'Ve got about weight loss... we start each new stage by getting "holes" below the ribs, left and right slightly above the belly button. Looks absurd, I tell you! Fortunately, they smooth out over time, until the next stage begins. ^^

Have you considered wearing skirts during the summer months? They are very practical! I love skirts - long, short, hippie-style or more business-like for the office. They are a little more flexible for weight loss, as well.

Anonymous said...

I know you have gotten lots of responses, but I just want to encourage you to go get a fitting and get yourself some new bras. I went to Macys and had a great experience. I was wearing the same bras I had worn 60 pounds ago and can't tell you the difference the new ones have made in my appearance. My admin assistant at work even commented on it!

MargieK said...

No experience with professional fittings. I wouldn't call the one experience I had a a local Victoria's secret "professional." It depends a LOT on who you get there.

Manufacturers seem hell-bent on forcing women into A, B, C, or D. For A long time I wore 38B (hard to find), and more recently 38D. But then I ran across this site that determined I'm a 34G! I am not a freak, no one would ever guess that I'm a "G" cup, because a "G" for a smaller band size is not as huge as one for a larger. A site giving you directions for determining your size that is sponsored by a bra manufacturer (like Maidenform, Playtex, etc.) is probably going to bias towards steering you towards a smaller cup and larger band -- which doesn't give good support.

I would recommend this site:
http://venusianglow.blogspot.com/p/bra-matrix.html
It is what got me started towards wearing the right size -- which unfortunately isn't available in any of the major stores in my city -- but online sites like Freshpair.com are a godsend, once you know your REAL size.

Good luck.

Aimee said...

Thank you for this post. I needed to hear that others have the same problems as me.

I have just lost 113 lbs (from 397 to 284) so I am thinner in some areas, but still huge in others. We dont have too much money, so I'm still trying to make my old clothes work.

I know I should be proud of how much I've lost so far, and I am! But I almost feel more self conscious now than ever.

Sigh. Anyways thanks again for letting me know I'm not alone!

Brenda said...

Title Nine has the hugest variety of sports bras. Some of them are quite pretty, and most of them are more supportive than the regular department store variety. Stronger straps, better clasps, lots of choices for bigger sizes. Their catalog has good Instructions on figuring out your size, but if you live near a store they can help you there. I'll never go back to regular bras.

MaryEllen said...

I second the notion of measuring youself with the guidelines from HerRoom.com. They also have a vast selection of styles to choose from. I will say, if you are in a larger size, say 40+ and in the D cup plus sizes, check out Lane Bryant's Cacique collection of bras. Specifically, the Balconette ... it is a terrific bra. Really supportive, very comfortable and pulls the girls up to where your waist become obvious. This is HUGE in how your clothes fit and how you will look in them. Good luck. I am new to your blog and am working my way through your past entries. You impress me. Thanks for the motivation. The least I can do is suggest a terrific bra!

MaryEllen said...

I second the notion of measuring yourself with instruction from HerRoom.com. They have a vast collection of styles to choose from. You can even punch in your size and see what other women who wear the same size are buying, along with reviews. If you are, like me, wearing a larger size (40+ and D or more cup), please check out Lane Bryant's Cacique line of bras, specifically the Balconette. It is comfortable and very supportive. It pulls the girls up to where your waist become obvious and that is HUGE in how you will look in your clothes. I guarantee it will make a tremendous difference in how you feel. I am new to your blog and working my way through your earlier entries. I am impressed and motivated by your journey. The least I can do in return is recommend a great bra. Good luck.

Steelers6 said...

I have gone to Penney's to be measured. (they measure over a shirt and pull tightly, no need to bare it all..)
I've not had success in BUYING the bras there, though, unfortunately. Maybe I could now as I am slightly smaller, but one time the employee even recommended Lane Bryant. I think she had worked there before, or purchased her own there. [I hate spillage out over the top.] I've done well with bras from LB, full coverage I think it was. They have decent colors, and it isn't dowdy looking or anything. They just need to offer some racerbacks for pity sake!

Yes, please run, -don't walk- & go get measured. It makes such a difference even in how you feel. I'm wondering how long it's been since you went..you've dropped a lot of weight!

I hope to get even smaller as I continue to lose, bc I know it will make it easier to find such garments.

As always, you can email me privately with any questions.
Chrissy

Lyn said...

Oh you guys... you won't believe this, but according to the measurement sites I am a freakin' 36B! Wow! I looked and the bras I am wearing now are 40C and 42C! No wonder!!! And I did actually throw out all my old bras from my top weight which were 46D!!!!

I ordered some bras online and will try them on and return any that don't fit me well. Exciting stuff :)

Anonymous said...

Hey, Lyn,
I'm another big fan of Soma Intimates. Good quality, and the saleswomen at all three stores I've been too have been great.

With regards to posture, I think core training and exercises makes a HUGE difference. My mom keeps marvelling at how I look taller, and I think it's all from the core training. I also sit on a stability disc (sometimes called a "wobble cushion" at work--it's much more convenient and portable than a stability ball chair, and I got mine for about $12. Even if you just use it while you're online/eating dinner/paying bills, etc, it's a simple way to keep your core engaged and train your posture.

redjubilee

Xani said...

Lyn,

I hope you find a place locally to get a real fitting-- NOT victorias secret, a real lingerie store. They really know what they are doing, and they know enough about their inventory to know what size in what brand, style, etc will fit you. I have walked out of a store with bras from 3 different manufacturers, in 3 different styles, with three WILDLY different sizes. The manufacturers are not always true to size, so you can't just order by your measurements and get a great fit.

I hope you find a place and make the investment in new bras that really fit-- it is WORTH IT and will make you feel better and THINNER-- amazing what one piece of underwear can do but its true!! Good luck.

Kashif Ansari said...

fat and fit just have a difference of an a and an i...the a stands for anti and the i stands for intelligent...it is all those negative emotions that attract the adipose tissue...the intelligent eating of food and rationality and personality release the fat so it just melts off!