I looked in the mirror this morning and saw the skinny me. The one in the "100-pounds-gone" pictures there at the left. I saw her when I got dressed this morning, and it made me happy.
How is that possible, when just ten days ago I looked in the mirror and saw a huge, bloated, unhappy, aging, hopeless mess? How can I see the skinny me when I am still 16 pounds heavier than I was when those pictures were taken? I dunno, but I saw her, clear as day. I guess it means she is coming back.
I feel like her again, instead of feeling like the 278-pound wreck I was when I started this journey. It's not just about the weight, obviously. It's about a mindset... and it's also about how I physically feel. Before I started this journey, I was tired, achy, embarrassed, frustrated. And when I eat junky food, I feel that way again, even 100 pounds lighter. When I am eating well and not obsessing about food, the bloat goes away. The pain goes away. The embarrassment, the frustration, the exhaustion goes away. This up-and-down experience has taught me that "skinny" is not a number to me, but a feeling and a way of living. Not many people would call 175 pounds 'skinny', but to me, it is. It feels that way. I guess it's all in where you've been, and where you are. Don't you think?
My mind is clear now, and I don't think about eating junk anymore. The obsession has once again lifted and I have hope. I've made a new goal for myself, to reach a new low weight by my birthday in July. My old low on this journey was 175 pounds, so that means I'd like to weigh 174 or less by mid-July. Can I lose 20 pounds in 6 weeks? Yeah, I think I can. It's a bit of a stretch but I like stretches. I still have a bit of water weight that needs to drop off this week, and that will give me a head start. If I don't make my goal, I will come very close! It will be my birthday present to myself.
Some of the dinners I am eating while on Medifast:
5 ounces of lean grass fed beef steak with 1 cup steamed green beans and 1 cup mixed green salad
6 ounces of poached chicken breast with 1 cup of broccoli and 1/2 cup of cauliflower 'rice'
5 ounces of baked wild salmon with 2 cups of Romaine and 1/2 cup cherry tomatoes
6 deviled egg halves (made with lite mayo), a cup of steamed asparagus and a half cup of cucumber slices
7 ounces of Buffalo steak with 1/2 cup sauteed mushrooms, 1/2 cup of mashed cauliflower 'potatoes' and half a cup of steamed bok choy
fajitas made from 6 ounces of chicken breast strips, half a cup of mushrooms and a cup of red, green, and yellow bell peppers
2 small cans of tuna over a bed of 1 1/2 cups of shredded cabbage with light coleslaw dressing
1 cup of Eggbeaters cooked with 1 cup of turkey sausage crumbles, 1/2 cup of cooked spinach, 1/2 cup of mushrooms, and 1/2 cup of pepper strips
5 ounces of lean pork chop with 1/2 cup sliced fresh tomatoes, 1/2 cup green beans, and 1 cup of mixed green salad
on and on... I love this way of eating and really enjoy it. It is very satisfying and I don't miss the grains at all.
The other day I saw a girl I've known since she was a little child. She went through a chunky phase in her childhood, and then got heavy in middle and high school. But she was always bright and happy and loved to dance. She has always been an amazing dancer at any weight. Well, she is in her late teens now and she has dropped a significant amount of weight recently. I watched her flit across the dance floor in her new body and I thought, wow. I wonder how she feels, being 40 or so pounds lighter and so much more agile and able to move. It makes me smile to think of how much freer she may feel and the joy she is getting from being able to move. I personally can tell you that moving your body rapidly at 190 pounds is way harder than it is at 150. Imagine carrying that weight as you leap across a dance floor. And then when it is gone, the freedom. I am really happy for her. She is a sweet girl.
You can have it, too. I can have it. I signed up for an agility class with my dog this summer. There is no way in heck I am going to be able to run or jog or compete in agility with my knees the way they are, but I can do the classes. I can walk pretty fast. I can be on my feet for an hour and keep up and have fun, all of which would have been impossible at 278 pounds for me. The freedom of a new, lighter body is amazing. The new life we can get by dropping weight is out there waiting for us. No, losing weight doesn't fix all our problems. Not even close. But the freedom... I cannot even express how much more freedom there is in movement, in ability, in less pain, in more confidence. Just being able to mop all the floors in my house or rake the leaves in the yard and ENJOY it is amazing. My wish is for all of you to get to experience it. Don't give up. Keep trying. You never know which 'try' is going to take.
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