I didn't give in to that latte and cupcake I blogged about earlier today. Oh, it was a close battle there for awhile. I actually found myself thinking that maybe I *did* want the cupcake more than I want to lose weight, but that's not really true. That's just the cravings talking. Your comments helped... lots of insights and things for me to think about. And after I blogged, I took the pup out for yet another 1-mile walk, came home, did some cleaning, and promised myself that if I could tough it out til 3 o'clock, I would make myself an iced mocha out of Medifast hot cocoa and coffee. I made it through, whipped up my iced mocha and out the door I went to pick up my daughter from school, enjoy playgroup, run her to her dance class and try on her recital costume, and then bring her home for dinner.
And let me tell you, it was touch and go all evening. I wanted to eat a bunch of crap SO BADLY. I ate some extra chicken, plain. I ate one ounce of cheese, and one fresh strawberry. I mixed up a Medifast chocolate pudding and stuck it in the fridge for later. And now I am okay.
Let me be frank. I want cupcakes. But I also want to feel better about my body. I want my knees to stop hurting. I want to stop eating in secret and hiding my intake from my children and feeling terribly guilty eating in front of my puppy who sits in front of me and stares. I want to get back to not feeling embarrassed of myself. I want to drop 20 pounds, pronto. A.S.A.P. Right now. And that ain't gonna happen with a cupcake.
I think it is awesome that some people *can* have one cupcake and still lose weight. But I am an addict. One cupcake is never, has never been, enough. I always go back for more. Yes, I go back to the store multiple times per day for *more junk.* It makes me sad. I want to be free again.
I want to get this damn thing done already and I am, right now, using Medifast to do it. If I can just tough it out for a couple of days while the sugar gets out of my system, the rest will be so much easier. I want that back. I am taking it back right now.
*FTC-required disclosure: Medifast provided me with its products for my personal use for free. I am not paid or compensated in any other way for mentioning their products.*
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