Sunday, May 22, 2011

Mirror Check

Yesterday, I took a long, hard look in the mirror, trying not to be critical but also not gloss over what I see. I have had a lot of trouble with the image of myself in my head being very different from what I see in the mirror, and both of those things being very different from what other people see. I looked yesterday for two reasons:

1. Nothing fits. Okay, some things fit, but sure as heck not much. I am still down four pounds this month but am bloated from PMS and the scale was up a pound a few days ago even with being on plan 100%. I had an event to go to yesterday, grabbed my jeans and could not zip them. I put on a shirt and saw a muffin top bulging through. I looked through my closet and had a difficult time finding anything to wear.

2. No less than 3 times this week, I have had people I know give me "the look." You know the one. It's the look... the little brief glance/eye flicker that happens when you run into someone who hasn't seen you in awhile and you've gained weight. They smile and say hi but their eyes, just for a split second, flick downward to your belly or waist or legs, taking in the change. It is, in fact, the same look you get when you see someone you haven't seen in awhile and you have *lost* weight, except in that case the eyes may linger a bit longer and they smile bigger and say something along the lines of "wow! You look great!" Only, when you look fatter, they don't say anything. Trust me on this, I know the look, and I got it this week. Three times.

So I stood in front of the mirror and looked. The weight I have regained all went to my belly. In fact, in the wrong clothes, I look like I *could* be pregnant. Just not enough for people to ask (thank goodness). Between that and the oddly disproportionate arms, it's enough to keep me focused on eating right and getting that exercise started.

Tomorrow I will start doing my physical therapy and arm routine. I will share the exercises with you, in case you're interested. I think I will throw some crunches in there, too, for good measure.

13 comments:

timothy said...

my friend sheryl aka bitch cakes swears by the compression arm bands maybe youshould check em out they're supposed to help regulate cuirculation/heat. glad you're being sensible and taking this one day at a time, we may lose a few battles but we will win the war! xoxoxoxoxo

Deb Willbefree said...

How regained weight lands is interesting to me.

I have always been an apple. My waist has ALWAYS been much thicker than my hips say that it should be. And my hips are not curvey. Absolutely straight on the sides where many women have saddle bags. Lots of weight in the belly, tho.

When I started this last trek down Highway to Thin, my waist was 40", but my hips were 44". And my tighs are so much smaller in porportion, that if I get something to fit my waist (that was not all elastic), it looks like I'm wearing those parachute pants. Really. I can wave the fabric back and forth.

Anyway, regained 20 pounds. Last week, I looked in the mirror with my underwear on--by accident, let me assure you--and saw these hips and thighs jutting out. :0 It was a most pecurliar site to me. I just kind of looked at it.

I took my measurements. My wasit is now 36" and my hips are 46". Lost 4 inches from the waist and gained 2" on my hipz. How did that happen? I can't zip up my straight at the hip pants. :(

I'm just hoping that when the weight comes off, the porportion remains. Easier to get clothes with that waist/hip ratio. We'll see if I revert to the disproportionate shape that has always been my normal.

Onward we go, Lyn, onward we go. Wahoo. yeah. sigh.

Deb

Forty Pound Sack said...

I've gotten "the look". I know what you mean and it sucks. Every time.

Anonymous said...

Lyn,

I know how u feel, especially about wanting to get the excercise started, unfortunatly for me, I just had a c section 3 weeks ago (finally got a tubal at same time ;-) )
so I cant excercise. It was a horrible pregnancy and I was hospitalized the last 3 months of it, and boy do my arms look bad, as well as the hanging over stomach.... sigh


Mother of Many

Lori said...

I gained some weight back while on vacation and thought it all looked like it was/is in my belly. I thought that I was being overly critical of myself. Once again you've vindicated me!
Lori

Angela Cruz said...

I got "the look" this week from a co-worker... unfortunately, a strikingly slim/gorgeous girl, or else I'd have given "the look" right back, haha! It does indeed suck majorly, but it's a wakeup call. On plan, all the way! :)

definingmore said...

I describe myself as an apple (like Deb said). I have and hold and hate my muffin top. My trick is to wear skirts. Dresses work too but sometimes I look like I'm expecting.

I like what Timothy said. We'll win the war Lyn :)

Lisa said...

In that mirrior I hope you also see a strong woman who has come farther than most who are trying to lose weight. A woman who doesn't quit and a woman who provides truth and inspiration to others. :)

Scale Junkie said...

I'm battling right along with you. I'm nearly back down to where i was a few years ago when I was the blogging/exercise machine but not quite. I'm with you on the belly fat but unfortunately the only thing that makes my belly fat go byebye is saying byebye to the starchy carbs and sugars. My blood pressure is back to normal, my blood sugars are normal and I still want bread, I don't think I'll ever stop wanting bread but sometimes you have to skip things for a while to get your health back. I believe in you, I know you can do this, you're an inspiration to so many (me included but you already knew that) and just all around awesome fabulous!

Wencked said...

As I sit here eating leftover mac & cheese from the kids lunch, having just seen a recent picture of myself (and my tummy rolls), saying tomorrow is another day and I want to thank you. Thank you for keeping it real. This losing weight thing. This up and down roller coaster of weight loss. Thanks! Tomorrow is another day of getting back on track...of getting up early and working out...of cutting out the carbs and paying attention again.

Thanks

Darcy Winters said...

The truly "fun" part is when you lose the weight and the person says "wow, you look so much better! The last time I saw you - you looked so bloated and heavy"
Uh, yeah...thank you for that help with my self-esteem there...oy!

Jaime said...

It could have been me writing this post. After gaining back 18lbs nothing fits nice anymore and I feel like all eyes are watching me, waiting for me to mess up.Like a comment above I have been wearing skirts more because I can avoid the muffin top with them alot easier. I know I can get back at it and the scale is down 2 lbs this week which is a great start. I know you will do it too !!! You have come so far and I don't think when any of us look in the mirror that we "really" see what the world is seeing. WE see every lump and bump that no one else is paying attention to.

Anonymous said...

well well well......... why couldn't I have seen this earier? lol
I've just stumbled across your blog, and love it!
Having been heavier, smaller and then heavier again, it's great to hear about other people stories (which are scarily like mine!)
All the best with your future endeavours.
And PS
That 'look' is a killer!