Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Habits

I stayed on plan yesterday and am doing fine today, but I still fight weird food-crazy thoughts in my head.

Have you ever *seriously* wondered if you could just eat 6 cupcakes and a sugar free latte and then starve yourself for the rest of the day? No? Must just be me...

I wouldn't do it, but yes I think about it. I wouldn't do it because I am a major failure at any form of starving myself, which is good, (I get crazy and binge if I don't eat for 4 hours), so in the past when I'd try some harebrained scheme like "I will just eat this package of cookies but nothing else all day" I end up having half a pizza for dinner, because I get  crazy blood sugar drop and then think "oh well I ate cookies so I may as well have pizza and start again tomorrow." I cannot tell you how many "restarts" I have had with that way of thinking. I am working hard on not screwing around like that anymore. But yeah, it's a hard habit to break.

On another note, last night I dreamed my son was the size of a linebacker and Mary Poppins was at my church (I don't even have a church) and she was about 80 pounds overweight and trying to lose it. What does it mean?????????? lol...

24 comments:

Lori said...

I've had plenty of failed crazy schemes and restarts!

We'll both get to our goals this time because we won't quit this time.
Lori

timothy said...

lololol hmmmmmmm mary poppins i think you're not in kansas anymore. oh crap wait that's dorthy. i duuno but aint dreams grand!

seriously i do the food "think" rationale too, and it's so gorram hard to get it out of your head. it's one of those "just do it" things that only you can do, but you're not alone! when in doubt give a shout, just blog it don't eat it that's what i'm gonna start doin. i'll do my reg blog and comment if i need to say more! good luck hon! xoxoxoxoxoxo

Bunpoh said...

Man, I am so happy for you, fighting off those cravings and changing your habits is the hard part! You go Lyn!

Yeah, that's the problem with carbs if you're carb sensitive - the subsequent blood sugar drop and crisis will send you scrambling for more.

My husband, YEARS ago, put pizza on his "I can't ever eat this" list, because it does that very thing to him, worse than any other food, oddly enough. We've had it twice in two years, after helping move our friends, but even then, the carb rebound has been wicked. We do great off carbs for the long term.

Your dream is awesome, lol. I love wacky dreams! Don't know what that means about your son, but everybody knows that Mary Poppins is practically perfect in every way, and that she is magical. Perhaps if SHE is struggling to lose weight, your subconscious is telling you that there is nothing terribly wrong with you for having ups and downs, and that there is no magical solution! :)

Princess Dieter said...

I have had those exact thoughts, but it's the reverse. What I crave is the cheesy/fatty/carby stuff (pizza, enchiladas, lasagna, mac n cheese, chicken parm with pasta, sour cream and beef tacos, grilled cheese sandwiches with lots of butter). So, I'd figure out how I could have that and then not eat for a day or something. But once I had the carby/cheesy thing, then it's like, "Oh, might as well have Oreos or chocolate cake or pie, since I screwed up already.

My vices of choice were the eggplant parm with double cheese, not the cookies or cake first. The cookies and cake followed....

But it's the same thing. The weird bargaining thoughts. The idea that I could somehow make a deal and dilute the damage.

Unfortunately damage is a lot more than calories. Damage is guilt, remorse, shame, self-disgust, self-loathing. The damage is what all those starches/sugars/trans fats/gluten/salt did to the body. The damage is the wasted money. The damage is the wasted time. The damage piles up, and missing meals can't fix it. :(

Disorder can't be fixed by more disorder....

But sure. You and I cannot possible be alone. We are legion.

Susan said...

LoL This is what you gotta do:
The I SEE CUPCAKE DIET...only see it don't eat it.
The I SCREAM DIET you can only scream it and not eat it when you see Ice Cream..Scream your frakin lungs off! I think I will...

Anonymous said...

LOL at the 6-cupcake thing. For me, it's usually inhaling a bunch of salad and protein for breakfast, getting a good run in, and then eating a junky meal. 4 scoops of ice cream or half a large pizza or most of a loaf of bread. Maybe once a month or so is okay.

Anonymous said...

Maybe if Mary Poppins stopped using a spoonful of sugar to help the medicine go down, she'd lose that weight. LOL.

Jenn Brigole said...

You can do it, Lyn. Just try and remember to focus more on wanting to be healthy. It's not that easy, obviously, and that's why we help and support each other here through our blogs. Everyone of us has issues, it just so happen that ours is on how to lose weight and be more healthy. xoxo

Tammy said...

lmao....your dreams are as crazy as mine are, lol

hopefulandfree said...

Thoughts. And dreams. Hmmm. Not sure there is actually much difference. I prefer to ignore both. 'Course, I don't always get what I prefer. :)

Lisa said...

Stick with the medifast system....you'll make it!

Deb Willbefree said...

Ha! Have I ever thought about that? Well, not as far as cupcakes go--but I have not only thought about it in regard to other food, I have TRIED IT. Several times. :o

For instance, Edy's No Sugar Added ice cream is 1080 calories for the whole carton. :D Uh-hmm, there'a a reason I know that without looking... Never mind.

Love your blog, Lyn.

Deb

Anonymous said...

Have you considered putting more recent photos up? I know it might be hard (very) but maybe it would help give you an extra push and really stay focused. And accountable. Just an idea...

jiesa said...

I sympathize with you so much! Today I went to Panera to get my favorite soup, and decided when I got there to get a pastry and a sandwich, too. I stood firm in my Skinny Girl Diet by making them bag the sandwich before I even saw it. But they bagged the pastry before I saw it, too, and when I got to my table and ate my soup I realized I wasn't even hungry enough to get that stupid pastry out and eat it.

When I got home I did eat the pastry and it tasted like crap. Sure it was sugary and delicious, but it was now full of the bitter taste of shame, too. I should have just thrown it out, but I'm only just learning how to do that particular bit of magic.

Cinny said...

you are not the only one to think those things....this is the first i am seeing your blog and i am hoping it can be an encouragement to me..maybe my blog can be an blessing to you...as for the dream, kinda on your own there...lol

Diandra said...

Hehe, I used to eat a box of Pringles and then limit myself to vegetables all day... but honestly, it wasn't worth it. I'd much rather eat a few, tell the BF to hide the rest from me (yes, I still have to do that occasionally) and eat healthy for the rest of the day.

Dawn said...

Just a question...you're not eating or particularly drinking lots of artificial sweeteners eg diet sodas are you? i've been blogging about what I have learned about the effect these have on me and while not everyone reacts the same me...they have caused wild cravings in the past and without them, I feel liberated from food. Just wondering if you do too? There is a lot of scientific evidence out there...links to it on a recent post on my blog
Dawn

Catherine said...

Have you considered joining Overeaters Anonymous?

It saved me from a lifetime of food obsession.

The addict mentality comes through in your posts and you really can achieve freedom from it through OA.

I am not remotely religious (I know you have some difficult history there) and have no problems working the programme without religion.

Anyway, decades of overeating, bulimia, obesity, bingeing and starving and most importantly: constant thoughts about food and weight have vanished. I have freedom from my mind.

It's worth checking out.

katie said...

"latte and a cupcake" - wanting that has nothing to do with what you've eaten for the day.
You are craving the Dopamine hit your brain receives from an input of high glucose.
have you considered that you may benefit from an antidepressant? - which will address the dopamine issue. a chronic low level depression with anxiety, obsessive thoughts is really insidious and debilitating...

Lyn said...

Anonymous~

new photos?? arghhhh!!!! (running away)

well, no, I haven't considered that although I have considered taking pics of my "bad arms" to compare as I lose weight. Actually taking progress pics is a huge pain in the behind because I don't let my kids take them... I take them in the mirror which would mean I would actually have to clean my room :) So I will wait until I feel I have pictures to be proud of.

Dawn~

yes, I am using diet sodas etc but have a goal of not buying anymore once my stash is gone. They are a big crutch for me right now but I am sure I'd do better without them.

Catherine~

Yes, I went to OA some years back and didn't like it at all (may have been that specific group). I also have done the online meetings. It was helpful but not really my style I guess.

Lyn said...

katie~

yes, I've considered it, but have been told by a doctor that I am not clinically depressed. I agree. I think eating disorders are tough, and emotionally stressful, but not necessarily connected to depression. I am pretty happy most of the day... just tough to battle the obsessive food thoughts.

Anonymous said...

Jus curious as to why you would delete a comment suggesting you post current photos, I don't really get how that is offensive? It's obviously your choice but it seems like it would be more honest than having "current" photos from 20ish lbs ago. Am i wrong? Sorry if that sounds harsh- You have come SO far, we all slip up sometimes. Just my honest thoughts. Regardless I think you're doing great and are a big Inspiration to others.

Lyn said...

Anonymous~

I remember that comment and responding to it. I think maybe some comments were deleted when Blogger went down yesterday (my whole "Thoughts" post was also deleted!) So lemme look in my email, because I get all posts and comments in my email box. I will repost that comment and my response. BRB.

Lyn said...

Here it is. I have read that Blogger says all posts and comments that disappeared will be restored, but apparently not yet. Anyway, here it is:

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Habits":

Have you considered putting more recent photos up? I know it might be hard (very) but maybe it would help give you an extra push and really stay focused. And accountable. Just an idea...

Lyn has left a new comment on your post "Habits":

Anonymous~

new photos?? arghhhh!!!! (running away)

well, no, I haven't considered that although I have considered taking pics of my "bad arms" to compare as I lose weight. Actually taking progress pics is a huge pain in the behind because I don't let my kids take them... I take them in the mirror which would mean I would actually have to clean my room :) So I will wait until I feel I have pictures to be proud of.

Dawn~

yes, I am using diet sodas etc but have a goal of not buying anymore once my stash is gone. They are a big crutch for me right now but I am sure I'd do better without them.

Catherine~

Yes, I went to OA some years back and didn't like it at all (may have been that specific group). I also have done the online meetings. It was helpful but not really my style I guess.