Thursday, April 14, 2011

Update

Just a brief update. Had another day home with the sick child and this morning I think she is on the mend. Apparently most of her good friends also missed a few days of school from a stomach bug. I have to work in her class today so I am glad she is better.

My appointment was not so great. I do have to wait 10 days for the cervical screening results, but they also said I have an enlarged uterus. I am going soon for an ultrasound screening. Main possibilities are fibroids or cancer (uterine, not cervical like I was being rechecked for). Needless to say this did not help my state of mind EVEN THOUGH it is highly unlikely it is anything serious. Really, I am pretty sure they will just say it's nothing. I tell myself it's because I've had 6 pregnancies. But it was not enlarged a year ago. Or ever before. And if you have read my story about holding my mother in my arms as she died of ovarian cancer only 11 days after being diagnosed, you may understand the undercurrent of horror that is there under the relatively calm surface right now. I just have to keep telling myself it is okay, it's nothing, and try to get the soonest possible appointment so I don't freak out waiting.

My eating has gone downhill but I am still trying.

Maybe I will get time later today to write something positive. It makes me feel better when I blog something rattling around in my head that other people might like reading. We'll see!

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. I so appreciate it!

27 comments:

Julia Stambor said...

Sending a prayer your way!
And wishing you the ability to get back on track no matter what- doing low carb, btw, is even recommended by some doctors as the way to eat if one doesn´t want to get cancer in the first place, so what you have done these last months should even have been beneficial in more ways than just about your weight.

LN said...

Main purpose of blogging is for you, so just keep posting about where you are. And I am sending you a big cyber hug as you wait for the results.

FitandFabinFrance said...

Only just found your blog so just catching up with your story.
Sending lots of positive thoughts your way... just remember that the chances are that it is Fibroids. Terrible fault of a human brain to always think the worse though... thats what I always do!
Keep strong and positive.

Laura said...

Glad to hear your little one is feeling better. Waiting on test results can be really nerve wracking, but try to hang in there. We'll all be here to listen whenever you need to vent =)

Diana said...

Lyn, prayers and hugs to you my friend. I know how upsetting it is to even hear the words "possible cancer but very unlikely". I've hear those words before too and it freaked me out big time. I often wonder why they even say that until they know for sure. I don't think it makes things better and its kind of cruel.

Like you said, try to stay positive, although I know it's hard.

I'm sure you're going to be okay. I just know it. :)

Theresa said...

thoughts and prayers Lyn,

It is very unlikely that you have the worst case scenario, you've not had any of the pre-symptoms related to uterine cancer..... hope that makes you breathe a little easier. Oh, and even if it is the c word.... it is one of the best detected and irradicated cancers there are. I'm still voting for the best case though, you just have a thickening of the lining. big hugs.

Princess Dieter said...

Sweetie, meditate,breathe, read inspirational snippets, whatever it takes. Pray. Just calm down, because no matter what benign thing it may be, stress aggravates a host of conditions, dormant or active. So, imperative: calm down as much as you can with whatver tools you can get your hands on that's NOT self-destructive (ie, food).

I hope the results are good and you can be yourself again.

I wish the intravaginal US was recommended routinely like mammograms. I know I felt a lot better after having one in 2009, my first. Didn't have one last year. And though the PAP was clean, I still feel like the uterus is this quietly mysterious thing that I wish it were screened more carefully, especially in us older women and women at-risk.

Hugs...now go do something centering...

Princess Dieter said...

Oh, and because you have been on Medifast, it may well be fibroids:
http://www.drweil.com/drw/u/id/QAA76903

Neesha said...

Holy crow :( I am sorry to read this. I am saying a prayer for you and keeping you in my thoughts. I am sure what you're eating is one of the last things you're concerned with right now. And I don't fault you or find anything weird about it if that's the case. Take care of yourself.

lynna said...

Hey Lyn,

I'm pretty sure that many women have fibroid growth while in their 40s. Something about the estrogen/progesteron balance that occurs during perimenopause. I went from having no fibroids to one the size of a 14 week pregnancy. So likely it is that "horse" and not the "zebra" of something ominous. Sending prayers for peace.

Anonymous said...

Sending prayers your way...it's scary and anxiety producing to have to wait out the results. I know you want to keep a calm, positive exterior for your kids, but it's got to be excruciating for you. Hopefully, you have good friends to rely on and that with which you can talk. Best wishes.

Debbie said...

You are in my prayers, Lyn. I'm praying that not only will your body be found healthy, but that you will have peace of mind.

spunkysuzi said...

"hugs" I'm so sorry your having to go through all this stress!!

Rachel said...

Did you get the "diagnosis" after a pelvic exam? I was told I had an enlarged uterus, freaked out about it, and in the end had a (big) ovarian cyst that was removed pretty simply. I'm sure everything will turn out fine, no matter the issue - sending my good thoughts your way!

Twix said...

Wow, hope all turns out well. I can understand your anxiety. ((hugs))

Lyn said...

Thank you for all the kind thoughts. My appointment is Tuesday and I have a 2 hour slot so I can talk to the Dr right after the u/s and get probable results then.

Rachel, yes, that's when they found the enlargement.

I admit I am a nervous wreck and shouldn't be. Mentally I KNOW my emotional response is not warranted (yet). If this was the only big thing I had going on I'd probably handle it very well. But it's one more thing, you know? I was already stressed to begin with.

I am taking Ann's advice and got a CD set of You Can Heal Your Life to listen to, and I am also being kind to myself and trying to NOT worry and just feel at peace.

katie said...

When the day's landscape looks bleak or gray my cognitive behavioral therapy teaches me to "choose one good thing in today and focus on it" rather than running the 'bad news' stories over and over in my head. It helps me turn around and reframe my day...less gloom more light.
I also use the saying "It is what it is" when confronting unwelcome news or situations. Ruminating and worrying are such draining practices. Best to you as your journey continues!

Losing 100 said...

I'm so sorry that you have to go through this emotional rollercoaster. Hang in there, and hopefully those good results will come soon. HUGS!

Bonnie said...

Lynn, waiting 10 days is unacceptable, I suggest you call the doctor back and tell him/her you need the results sooner because of the tremendous stress it will cause to wait that long. For a potential cancer diagnosis they should be able to respond much faster.

Jane Cartelli said...

Lyn, I know the pain you are trying to keep in check while you are in limbo. I have been there with the uterine tumors and the tests and the waiting. Breath deep and let it out as best you can. Remember that food is only a false comfort. When we eat in response to a problem we get two problems. Keep on sharing and know that healthy prayers are coming your way.

Jane~
Keepingthepoundsoff.com

Diandra said...

I am sure everything will be fine. But I'll make sure to light a candle for you...

timothy said...

i'm sure it's nothing do not buy into the gloom and doom drs sell!keep a positive outlook and KNOW that all is well. i'm sending prayers, love, light, and reiki!

ctina said...

I have not visited this blog for a couple years and I am SO impressed and amazed by your accomplishments with weight loss. It will take me a long time to get caught up, but I am also sending you a huge pat on the back for a job well done. I know right now you have health concerns that are eclipsing this, but what you have done is extremely hard, and you've done a fantastic job working on yourself and inspiring so many others. Please never forget that. You are an incredibly strong person and you can survive these fears, too.

My thoughts and prayers coming your way through this health scare.

Tammy said...

You are definitely in my thoughts and prayers. I don't know why doctors always make you wait so long for test results like that or for appts for things like this. They have to know how stressed out and worried it makes a person, but still make us WAIT. Hang in there.

Thirteenlbs said...

Have you been tested for the BRCA (BReast CAancer) genes? If you are a carrier, and even if you're not, you have options. If you've never heard of this-- breast and ovarian cancer occur on the same gene sequence, and often occur in families...there are ways to get past the terror, the feeling that your body will at some point turn on you. I held both my parents' and my sister's hands when they got sick from cancer...so I understand the fear.

Sorry for the tangent. I just read that your mom passed of ovarian cancer, and it struck a chord with what I am going through now. If you haven't already, ask your doctor to be tested for the BRCA 1 + 2 genes.


At any rate, I read often but post few. You are in my prayers.

Lyn said...

thirteenpounds~

My aunt and I both went to genetic counseling a year or two ago and they each told us not to do the BRCA test. I guess they feel it is "highly unlikely" that the ovarian cancer that took my mother was genetic, as we have no other ovarian or breast cancer in the family that we know of. There are apparently also some implications once you take that test re: insurability/pre-existing conditions.

But of course I still have nightmares.

They all told us the best thing we can do is... guess it? Lose weight. Lose weight so that we won't have a huge tumor and not notice as happened to my mother... and also obesity is a risk factor for many cancers.

I need to get back to drinking green tea, too.

Cynthia said...

Hang in there and remember, chances of it being something like fibroids is probably better than the chance of cancer.

Meanwhile, do what you can to de-stress. Take a walk somewhere lovely, enjoy a book, just something to get your mind elsewhere for a bit.