Rebirth. Renewal. Resurrection.
Those are the words that we see thrown around during Easter weekend, and for good reason. If you're religious, it has to do with Jesus rising from the dead and giving us all a chance to be washed clean from past sins. If you're not religious, you can still appreciate the symbolism of a new birth, associated with this season of spring and all the 'new life' symbols such as eggs, chicks, bunnies, and flowers.
But what does it mean to you? Aside from the religious significance, if there is any for you, what does being reborn MEAN? Do you take it to heart, really? Or is it just a trite saying, an Easter phrase you put on display for a few days and then tuck back neatly in the closet until next year?
I am thinking about this a lot today. Shedding the weight has been a rebirth of sorts, but then, I sometimes feel like my spirit does not yet match the new outer me. It does, to some extent, but not to the extent it needs to. I still wake up in the mornings sometimes and think, "I need to fix my life." I wish for a do-over on the past ten years, and that's not just about weight. But my eating habits are primarily driven by my emotions. If, even for a split second, I let myself feel worthless and hopeless, I immediately want the crunch of tortilla chips to rattle those thoughts and feelings out of my head. Really. Have you even noticed the enormous amount of noise and vibration created in your head when you eat chips or other binge-crunch-frustration type foods? Notice. It is loud, it is distracting, it rumbles those smooth, flowing thought patterns and breaks them up so they aren't quite as disturbing. At least that's how it feels for me.
I woke up this morning thinking about renewal. So many things in life are out of our hands, at least to some degree: I can't make my fibroid disappear or my sore throat go away *right now*. I can't wish a million dollars into my bank account. I can't make the bills go away or cure my son or make the loose skin disappear off my body. Oh, I can work on things... work towards improvement in *any* of those areas. But when all is said and done, I have to live with whatever life gives me.
Yet I was not "destined" to be or stay obese. I did not have to sit on the couch at 278 pounds mourning the loss of my mobility and my health. I did use my own power to transform myself dramatically. We can do that. We do have some power. We can "fix" our lives at least to a point. I can eat for better health so I don't get sick as often. I can work hard to build up an income and a savings so I am not stressed over finances constantly. I can work on paying off those bills and help my son get the best treatment possible and do skin brushing/use good lotion to improve the state of my skin. I can lose weight. I can do *something.*
I think that's the key. We ALL want rebirth... a new life... a fresh start from *something.* And we are ALL capable of moving towards whatever goals we have, even if it feels impossible, and we CAN make progress. The thing is, we see new birth, the sweet, fresh new baby and we want that kind of "birth" of our own new improved selves... but we tend to forget the years it took for the body to be ready to conceive, the nine months of gestation, the hours and hours of difficult labor that made the new life possible. Renewal is not instantaneous. If you want renewal, it takes time and effort. But you can start the process *right now.*
I still want to change so many things about myself that it seems overwhelming. But I am taking the same approach that helped me lose 100 pounds: just this moment... a few steps down the sidewalk and back... a bite of strawberries instead of chocolates... a salad for lunch... a pint of ice cream into the trash. Little steps. Little tiny building blocks you stack up every day to create your castle... your life.
Happy Easter. I wish you all peace and the renewal you desire.
Friday Update and Reality Check
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