Saturday, March 19, 2011

Today, A Gift

"I am angry. I'm angry at my body for failing to cooperate. I'm angry because I am trying to keep this momentum going, and it's difficult when all I have to show for 4 straight weeks of fairly strict adherence to a weight loss program has yielded a miserable 3 pound loss. I lost more than that the first WEEK I was back on program. I am still well above 300 pounds and I'm mad. I'm sorry. Maybe I should be happy to have lost, but a .8 pound loss for a week of pristine eating is pathetic. I still don't even know why I gained the previous week. I have no idea why losing this weight is like prying up a cement floor. It's just not budging! I feel like my body is my enemy at this point. I have no idea how long this current stint of motivation will last, and I want to work it for all it's worth. I want to lose as much weight as possible while the will is there, but it's just not coming off. I almost feel desperate and panicky when I weigh and the scale doesn't budge much because I feel like my time is ticking down. I know that inevitably a time will come when I'll fall off the wagon again and not be able to pick myself back up for a while. Maybe I'm being too pessimistic, but I'm feeling frantic to see some serious movement on that scale..."

This post was written by my blog friend Bethany the day before she died. She had been fighting the same battle we all fight, day after day, year after year, blogging her struggles, successes and failures... and then one year ago today, on March 19, 2010, she passed away suddenly while shopping at a store. She was only 33 years old. She left behind a loving husband and two little boys.

We never know when we will breathe our last breath. We all think we have 'tomorrow' to start, to get serious, to lose weight, to do the things we keep putting off doing. We figure we have lots of time to enjoy life and play with our kids and get healthy. But maybe we don't. We just don't know. I know Bethany never expected it to be her last day. She had hopes and dreams and plans. And now she is gone.

I miss Bethany. She was a supportive friend and always had kind words to raise people up in their hard times. I never met her in person, but she is missed in the blog world.

In memory of Bethany, when she passed and with the permission of her family, I created the Bethany McDonald Memorial Blogroll. It's a way for weight loss bloggers to reach out and support one another and build friendships. It is so hard starting out a new blog and trying to figure out a way to start getting comments and connecting with other bloggers. The blogroll updates in realtime, so you can see how long it has been since someone has made a post. You can see those who have not posted in awhile and leave them an encouraging word. And you can connect with those who post regularly. Then when someone comments on your blog, you can in turn go and read their blog and make a new connection. You can be loving and kind to those who are having a hard time. And in that way you can carry on Bethany's spirit of love and support.

Please take a moment this weekend to go check out a few blogs on the Blogroll. Maybe you can "adopt" one or two bloggers to read and encourage on a regular basis. There are many who have only a few readers or none at all yet. And if you'd like to be added to the blogroll yourself, you can leave me a comment and I will usually get you added within a week.

Please hug your loved ones, treasure your moments, make your todays count. Make it happen now. Don't put it off too long.

26 comments:

Anonymous said...

This scared the pants off me. I'm ALWAYS afraid I'm going to die now. Being this big is new to me and it is HORRENDOUS. In memory of your beloved friend, I am going to keep pushing forward to lose this monstrocity ... sucking the life from me. Thank you for sharing and I'm so sorry for your loss. ~Tricia

Anonymous said...

Lord teach us to number our days..they go swifter than a weaver's shuttle.
Susan B

Dances with Corgis said...

Wow, this is such a great idea. How nice of you to put it together! I bookmarked it and will be searching through to adopt a few blogs.

Love it!

Cheers,
Court

Sandy "Sugarspice76" said...

Thanks for sharing this Lyn. It really surprised me and was a wake up cal.It is so nice of you to do a blog roll in honor of her. I will check out some blogs myself. Could you please add me to it as well. Who knows... maybe someone may need a recipe or two. www.lighterrecipes.com Thank you for reminding me how important it is to not wait to focus on one self and to appreciate life.

LHA said...

Thank you for a very moving reminder of why we are all trying so hard to maintain a healthy weight and lifestyle. This is truly a matter of life and death.

Pretty Pauline said...

I, too, will keep Bethany in my heart as I continue my journey in weight loss. I'm so sorry for such a big loss! Her smile is beyond beautiful. She will motivate many, many not to give up.

I would love to be added to the bloggy list as well, please. ( pushinthroughthepain.blogspot.com ) I have found support by being plentiful with comments on other weight loss blogs, and I have to say that it has been the best support system I've ever experienced in my life for weight loss.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing this. For years I have been off again and off again. Never being able to get serious with myself. Oh I tried, but I dropped the bag and made excuses all of the time. A year ago I was diagnosed with pre-diabetes. Even that didn't force me to get down to business with my weight. A week ago after feeling sick for two months, I was diagnosed with Type II diabetes.

The time I had to do the work I needed to do has come and gone and now I'm quite physically ill. It took an illness to force me to my breaking point.

The amazing thing about this is, for the last year I kept telling myself I wouldn't get sick. Nothing would happen and that I'd be OK. I ignored my test results and continued eating what I wanted giving half hearted tries at changing my life.

I don't know why your friend Bethany passed, I'm new to her story. But I think what you are trying to say here is not to put off getting healthy.

Thank you

timothy said...

sounds good darlin you can add me to the roll! try not to get discouraged maybe your body has adapted to your program and you need to figure out a way kickstart it. atkins has a three day "fat fast" where you cut down to 1000 calories but most of it comes from fat. that helped me break my plateau. good luck hon! xoxoxo

Beyond Willpower said...

wow. I'm so sorry...this is so sad. But it's so nice of you to create the blogroll, I will be checking it out right now. Please add me, http://www.beyondwillpower.blogspot.com

411 Gurl said...

Beautiful idea Lyn. Please add me. www.411gurl.blogspot.com

Candy kankles said...

Such a beautiful idea.Very nice of you to do it.Id love to be added as well.
http://candyandkankles.blogspot.com/

coloradosugar said...

That is sooo sad.:( May she rest in peace. I think it's awesome that you are carrying on her memory. Please add me: coloradosugar.blogspot.com

CJ said...

Thank you for sharing this. I am sorry you lost your friend. Reading things like this gives me strength to keep trying to live a healthier life. I would love to be added to the blog roll so I can find more encouragement, and hopefully help encourage others. ~Carla
http://cj-figuringitout.blogspot.com/

~ Lyndsay The Kitchen Witch said...

This was beautifully written and so terribly sad. Thank you for sharing your friend with us and an important reminder.

lilylosesit said...

Wow. Thank you so much for posting this. We all need to realize we're just here for a blip of time, but I know I'm bad at putting things off.

And thank you for the blogroll, it really is hard getting started out here in blog land, and becoming a part of this wonderful supportive community.

Anonymous said...

I couldn't figure out how to post on the memorial site but thank you for keeping her memory alive so that I could get the message. Here I sit; stuffed again. Pain in my abdomen, empty plates and glasses surround me as I skittishly tried to convince the room service man on the other end of the phone that I was ordering for two. I am in a different city to interview for a job; a chance to improve my family’s financial future and all I could think about was how much time I could spend in my hotel room eating. Now, filled to the brim, I am paranoid that the company footing my bill will look in to my expenditures and see that I am a hopeless pig. I logged on to the computer tonight after hanging up the phone with my husband and two children. I know I could lose it all in a moment, not even wake up tomorrow morning or wake up but keep trudging through sand, like running in a swimming pool towards a heart attack or stroke in the future. Loneliness is my killer, food is the weapon. I believe that a day hemmed in prayer rarely unravels but today did. I will pray tonight that tomorrow doesn't. Thank you, thank, thank you for sharing your life with us. You may have just saved me, my family and in a sense a whole universe. Tomorrow morning I will squeeze myself in to my interview suit like a sausage, sit uncomfortable in chairs all day, maybe wowing the people I meet with my brilliance, hoping they don't look too long at my necklace of fat. I know one thing; it won't be there for long.

Lynn Macke said...

I would love to be on the blog roll! Thank you so much.
www.skinnylynnie.blogspot.com

I have been overweight my whole life and now that I am 52 I worry daily about what I have done to my body. I am sorry for your loss and for her family.

Lyn said...

Anonymous~

Sending you lots of hugs. Remember how you feel right now, and let it motivate you to NEVER go back. You can change your life! I believe in you.

To clarify, no one can post on the blogroll. You have to click any blog to read it and comment on that blog. And if you'd like to be added to the blogroll, start a weight loss blog and email me or leave a comment with your blog address and I will get you added.

I wish you and your family many, many happy years together.

Lyn said...

Okay, I added everyone who has requested it up to this point...

*except*

If you have an Adult Content warning on your blog, I cannot add you. If you remove the warning and any explicit content let me know and I will add you.

I also do not add any blogs that are not primarily *weight loss* blogs (or maintenance/fitness) or that are commercial in nature.

Anyone who did not get added please drop me an email in case I missed you! Thanks.

Mommyto3andahusky said...

Love your blog! I am your newest follower! :) Erin

www.purplebookbloggingmommy.blogspot.com

Linda said...

Thanks for sharing----I am sorry that you have lost your amazing friend---no we are not sure that we ever have a tomorrow----you have a special soul--I am following you on my own journey to lose the weight...

Jennifer said...

My heart goes out to her family. Thank you so much for sharing this. I wish I could have given her a hug and tell her what a great job she is doing and let her know that every day when we get up with determination in our hearts is worth it's weight in gold - even if we can't make it without binging. Thanks for sharing this and also putting it together. I think she would be proud.

The Captain's Daughter said...

Gracious... This is so sad. And, it's also such a powerful reminder that no day is guaranteed. Live each day like it is your last - Indeed!

I read Bethany's last post and couldn't help but wonder, what if that happened to me... Because I know it surely could. None of are exempt from such a sudden and tragic end.

I was dedicated to being on plan today and to doing my usual workout this evening... However, after reading about Bethany this morning, I decided to have lunch, eat a cookie and go home to my husband after work tonight instead of leaving him home alone for the three hours I would normally be at the gym.

I can't help but think that if Bethany could do things over again, she'd probably opt to spend all the hours she blogged and obsessed about the stupid scale and her weight hugging/reading/just being with her children and husband and others that loved her.

Yes... It is vitally important to do what we can for our health so that we improve our odds of being around as long as we possibly can for our families; but it's equally as important to find balance.

Thank you for the wake-up call, and thank you for the way you are honoring your friend's life and memory, Lyn!

Beth said...

Love love love your blog! You're so inspiring and I so appreciate your wisdom, honesty, and ability to put into words things I can't.

I would like to be added to Bethany's blogroll. My blog is called "Journey to Jeans" and the URL is http://journeytojeans.blogspot.com

Many thanks! :)

Beth

N.R.E. said...

This is such a great idea! I didn't know Bethany, but I love reading weight loss blogs and getting inspiration. I, too, worry about dying; I've even known some healthy people who've suddenly passed and me being overweight doesn't help. I'd love to be added, if you have space (thighsofthebeholder.blogspot.com). Either way, I look forward to checking out the blogs on your list.

I enjoy reading your blog, not only because you write about your successes, but because you're so compassionate and real. Keep up the great work. We need more people out there like you!

PJae said...

I'd like to be on your blogroll. On just starting out and could use a network of people around me. Life is so short.....my health is a part of how I'll live it. Thank you for doing this. I plan to subscribe to several. My blog is omwjourney.blogspot.com.