Tuesday, March 1, 2011

March 1, 2011: 185 Pounds

Today the scale said 185 pounds. That's exactly what it said on February 1, as well. I guess I am getting good at maintaining, at least. It's no easy task to maintain after a huge loss, and I've been around this weight now for 6 months. Well, I was trying to *lose* weight over that 6 months, but I will look at the maintaining as the silver lining.

That's about the only good thing I have going at the moment. I am still sick, still on painkillers and two kinds of strong antibiotics at once (3 weeks on antibiotics) and a steroid. My body is still recovering from the flu, and the doctor today said I have a staph infection in my sinuses. They are so compacted that if this infection does not resolve in the next ten days I have to go back in for a CT scan and/or MRI. My symptoms remain: exhaustion, severe constant headache, congestion, and nausea. Oh, there *is* another good thing... my ear infection has resolved. I still can't hear quite as well as I used to, but the fluid should be gone soon. My blood pressure is also up significantly but they think it's because I am sick, stressed, and in pain, so hopefully that will also resolve itself in time.

I keep trying to take care of myself. I am drinking lots of water, taking vitamins, forcing myself to go out in the cold and rain for at least a 15 minute walk with the pup each day. I am really not getting enough sleep *at all* though... maybe 6 hours a day, broken up in 1-2 hour chunks. I am eating a mixture of healthy and junk... everything from fresh fruits and vegetables to chicken soup to ice cream to a donut and lots of coffee. Honestly, some days I just feel so miserable and in pain (since I can't take the painkillers when I have to drive, so I just take over the counter stuff during the day) that I do turn to food for comfort. Some days I have no sugar, no junk. Other days I just wallow in it. I guess it is balancing out since my weight seems stable right now. I don't think there is much chance for me losing weight until I am feeling at least partly better.

Thank you for the caring, kind words and support many of you have left me in comments and emails. It means a lot to me that people do care how I am and wish me well. Your words have been a comfort to me during a hard time. I hope your kindness returns to you in your life tenfold in your time of need. Be well.

39 comments:

Jean said...

Thank you. Your blog has and is helping me-even your prolonged illness reminds me that you aren't giving up-that you just keep going. (And I can keep going too!)Even when you're down, you're still inspiring!

I grew up with dogs similar to your pup-wouldn't mind if you shared another picture or two...they're such a wonderful breed, aren't they?

Lyn said...

Jean~

Thank you. Yes, I adore my pup! I will try and get a few pictures up this week of her.

He Took MY Last Name said...

Do you have anyone who can take care of your kids or maybe your puppy for a day or two while you get better? Like a neighbor or a dog sitter or something? it would be best if you could get a solid 8 hours of sleep with out having to worry about anyone but you for a day or two.

LessLacie said...

Hey little lady,
Give your self a little credit! You maintained during what sounds like just an aweful illness. Be proud that you are aware of what you are eating. Be proud you are out exercising for even 15 min a day, be proud that you are blogging and still caring for others in their weight loss journey when your sole focus should be on yourself. YOU are a freaking wonder woman. Stand up..be proud! We are all so very proud of you and are praying you recover soon. But most important Love yourself...dont say "Ive only this" You my dear...are doing it!!! Yeah YOU!!!!

Anonymous said...

Hey Lyn -

Sorry to hear you are so sick. A staph infection in your sinuses does not sound fun. You mentioned being on a steroid - my mom got a rash and was put on a steroid called Decadron, which significantly raised her blood pressure. Just wanted to let you know this as you mentioned your blood pressure was elevated.

Hope you feel better soon!

Cari

PS - I second more puppy pictures!

Anonymous said...

Ick! Sorry that you are so ill!! Sounds awful. I think it's great that you are maintaining your weight while on a steroid! Those things make you hungry and don't let you sleep at all. I hope you feel better very very soon!

Diandra said...

Hope you'll get better soon!

And, by the way - maintaining your weight while using steroids is great, most people tend to pack the pounds during steroid treatment!

Anonymous said...

Hope you get better soon !!!

Ria said...

Hi Lyn!

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad -- keep taking care of yourself, and I hope the infection resolves itself soon.

I'm just getting back to the blog world (sadly, starting over on wl, as a year of lack of attention had the effect you'd expect).

It is awesome to see how well you're doing with your weightloss -- girl, you look great and are really an inspiration. I'm looking forward to catching up on your archives/reading about how you did it and following along as you make it all the way to your goal.

Shan said...

I agree with some of the previous posters - it's amazing that you've managed to maintain your weight through all of the stress and illness you're experiencing. The most important thing is to get well. The weight will be waiting for you when you do. Allow yourself to be proud of all that you've accomplished. And, if you can manage that, please let me know how to do that for myself?!?! Feel better!

Banded Girl said...

I ALWAYS gain weight when I'm on steroids. I did a five day course of prednisone last week and gained several pounds.

It's no less discouraging, but remember that the reason might be pharmaceutical and because of anything you're doing wrong.

It really sucks that you've been so sick for so long--sending healing thoughts your way.

Banded Girl said...

It's no less discouraging, but remember that the reason might be pharmaceutical and because of anything you're doing wrong.

That should read: "...remember that the reason might be pharmaceutical and not because of anything you're doing wrong."

Insomnia FTW.

BrendaKaye said...

Oh I just hate it that you are still so sick. You have been on my heart and in my prayers every day. I wish I could do something more. Try to rest and hopefully healing will come soon!

Get Skinny, Go Vegan. said...

Get Well!!!
Have you read any of the John Robbin's Book,
Kris Carr's "Crazy Sexy Diet", or Colin Campbell's???

You might like Kris Carr, if you haven't already read it!!

Hope you feel better soon!

theresa said...

Lyn,
Praying for a full recovery soon for you. Cyber hugs.
Congratulations on maintaining! I totally know you are working hard at this! It is easy to backslide so you are doing an awesome job.
Get well soon.
PS. Is it possible you have pet allergies?

Lyn said...

He Took My Last Name~

I am sadly lacking in support in real life, but I do have a couple moms who I trade kindergarteners with. Maybe I will do that one afternoon... just for the rest. I do have a very hard time sleeping in the daytime but in this case I am pretty exhausted.

theresa~

I am in fact allergic to cats, which I didn't find out until we had ours for many years. She is mostly out in the yard in good weather but has been inside a lot this winter. We keep her downstairs in one room but I bet her dander is contributing to my sinus issues. She is 12 years old... I won't be getting another cat, ever! No allergies to the pup, though :) Thank goodness.

Thank you all for the words of healing and encouragement.

spunkysuzi said...

Just focus on taking care of you for now! Weight loss will come after.
I love that now you have a puppy you pretty much have to get out on a walk every day no matter what :)
Hope your feeling better soon.

Anonymous said...

Lyn,

So sorry you are ill. Hope good health returns quickly.

You've lost a massive amount of weight. Perhaps your body is just stabilizing for a bit...maintenance (even unplanned) is huge! I sometimes joke that I know how to lose and how to gain, but I've never maintained for more than a day or two.

This too shall pass. Meanwhile, accept a virtual hug.

Claire said...

Oh man, spring can't get here soon enough, huh?! I'm so sorry you're still sick.

Please consider taking the sugar out of your diet. It is very detrimental to healing infection. Maybe substitute some kind of sweet fruit. Also, walking in the cold and rain can't be good. Can't one of your boys walk the dog until you are better?

You are bringin' out the mama bear in me, Lyn! :) Big hugs.

Lyn said...

Claire~

You are SO RIGHT about the sugar. I am convinced that sugar causes immune system issues. I always get sick when I start eating a lot of sweets. When I stayed OFF sugar for 6 months I didn't get sick once! I am trying to limit it today and tomorrow, and my aim is that IF these meds help me in the least, and I feel slightly better in 2 days, I will get back to no sugar/low carbs.

Yeah, my boys do take the pup out in the yard to run around with her, but I think my body needs some movement and fresh air so I am forcing myself to take that short walk. The cold/rain isn't ideal for sure. But I am doing way, way to much sitting.

Deb Willbefree said...

Man. That sounds miserable. maintaining thru all of that + steroids is a magnificent feat. Truly.

Prayers said.

Deb

The Captain's Daughter said...

Hang in there, sweet girl. Brighter days are ahead!

journeytobehealthy said...

Hi Lyn - thanks for the update; I've been concerned about you! I'm so sorry that you're still sick. Hope that you will recuperate soon!

AMT said...

i have been thinking of you the last few days. ... i'm having a really hard day in lots of ways, but thinking of you having an even harder time, and yet staying as strong as you can, is helping me a lot. we all really hope you're better soon.

Christel said...

Hi Lyn! I hope you are starting to feel better. I've read the last few months of your blog, and I can't help but wonder if some of your thought and behavior patterns are more of a physiological response to restrictive eating. I have been reading about the Minnesota Starvation Experiment, and it's striking to me how much the behavior of the test subjects resembles that of those on restrictive diets. Particularly the binges followed by feelings of strong remorse and self-depreciation. I know that you had BED before using Medifast, so it's unlikely that that is the only thing going on, but even so, this has really made me think.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Minnesota_Starvation_Experiment

This is some excerpts from the actual study:

"As starvation progressed, the number of men who toyed with their food increased. They made what under normal conditions would be weird and distasteful concoctions, (p. 832). . . Those who ate in the common dining room smuggled out bits of food and consumed them on their bunks in a long-drawn-out ritual, (p. 833). . . Toward the end of starvation some of the men would dawdle for almost two hours after a meal which previously they would have consumed in a matter of minutes, (p. 833). . . Cookbooks, menus, and information bulletins on food production became intensely interesting to many of the men who previously had little or no interest in dietetics or agriculture, (p. 833). The volunteers often reported that they got a vivid vicarious pleasure from watching other persons eat or from just smelling food. (p. 834)"

Christel said...

"In addition to cookbooks and collecting recipes, some of the men even began collecting coffeepots, hot plates, and other kitchen utensils. According to the original report, hoarding even extended to non-food-related items such as "old books, unnecessary second-hand clothes, knick knacks, and other 'junk. Often after making such purchases, which could be afforded only with sacrifice, the men would be puzzled as to why they had bought such more or less useless articles" (p. 837). One man even began rummaging through garbage cans. This general tendency to hoard has been observed in starved anorexic patients (Crisp, Hsu, & Harding, 1980) and even in rats deprived of food (Fantino & Cabanac, 1980). Despite little interest in culinary matters prior to the experiment, almost 40% of the men mentioned cooking as part of their postexperiment plans. For some, the fascination was so great that they actually changed occupations after the experiment; three became chefs, and one went into agriculture!"

"The Minnesota subjects were often caught between conflicting desires to gulp their food down ravenously and consume it slowly so that the taste and odor of each morsel would be fully appreciated. Toward the end of starvation some of the men would dawdle for almost two hours over a meal which previously they would have consumed in a matter of minutes. . .they did much planning as to how they would handle their day's allotment of food. (p. 833) The men demanded that their food be served hot, and they made unusual concoctions by mixing foods together, as noted above. There was also a marked increase in the use of salt and spices. The consumption of coffee and tea increased so dramatically that the men had to be limited to 9 cups per day; similarly, gum chewing became excessive and had to be limited after it was discovered that one man was chewing as many as 40 packages of gum a day and "developed a sore mouth from such continuous exercise" (p. 835)."

"During the 12-week refeeding phase of the experiment, most of the abnormal attitudes and behaviors in regard to food persisted. A small number of men found that their difficulties in this area were quite severe during the first 6 weeks of refeeding:"

Christel said...

" Binge Eating

During the restrictive dieting phase of the experiment, all of the volunteers reported increased hunger. Some appeared able to tolerate the experience fairly well, but for others it created intense concern and led to a complete breakdown in control. Several men were unable to adhere to their diets and reported episodes of binge eating followed by self-reproach. During the eighth week of starvation, one volunteer flagrantly broke the dietary rules, eating several sundaes and malted milks; he even stole some penny candies. He promptly confessed the whole episode, and became self-deprecatory" (p. 884). While working in a grocery store, another man suffered a complete loss of will power and ate several cookies, a sack of popcorn, and two overripe bananas before he could "regain control" of himself. He immediately suffered a severe emotional upset, with nausea, and upon returning to the laboratory he vomited. . .He was self-deprecatory, expressing disgust and self-criticism. (p. 887)"

I also have a history of making pretty poor food choices and eating waaaay too much. At my highest weight I was 205 at 5'2". I am currently 11 lbs from my goal weight, though it has taken a year and a half, and there wasn't any one thing. Kind of like you. The single most helpful thing I can pick out is that I became a daily weigher. Even during the periods that I didn't lose, some of which went on for months and months, I never regained more than 5 lbs. It's a lot easier to deal with a 2-3 lb gain than a 15-20 lb gain. I would bet that much of the reason you never got back up to your starting weight was because you were weighing in consistently.

A lot of what you say I can really identify with. I do hope that you find the answers you are looking for. :)

Anonymous said...

It's so good to see you post again, I have been getting more worried every day without word for you. Take care of yourself --

Michelle

Lyn said...

Christel~

Interesting study... thank you for that link! I do think extreme restriction can backfire and lead to binges. Like you said, in my case, I was having a major binge problem way, way before I started trying to lose weight seriously. I do also want to add just for clarity, that I am in no way in a starvation mode when using Medifast. There's a post on my blog about when I went to my doctor after being on Medifast for several months and had a physical. My health was dramatically improved to the point he was really amazed. He even did a metabolic panel and some other things he checked in my blood to see what my nutritional status was, and everything looked perfect.

I dunno why I have the binge issue, but it is improving over time, less often and less frequent, and for that I am sooo thankful!

Princess Dieter said...

This is very concerning, so I'm hoping it resolves and does not need invasive stuff. Hugs to ya, Lyn.

I always gained on courses of Steroids. I started on them very young (I have had respiratory issues from birth). I finally decided to cut back on them in my mid thirties (after way too many and my immune system turned on me big time). I still only let the doctor shoot me up or pill me when it's necessary, but we discuss it and try to minimize how much. I fear what decades of steroids has done to my insides. I still firmly believe it was part of my getting so fat.

Cut the sugar now. Don't wait 2 days. Seriously...I think you, like me, behave to sugar as if something toxic was put into us. I really do.

I'm assuming your'e doing saline rinses (it Neti Pot)--since this is one of the basic and most effective for sinus issues. I forget as I write this if you mentioned this.

Also, look around your environment. Has something changed? Is it possible it's the puppy? Seriously, could it be allergenic...?

My horrendous allergies only started to get better when I moved (still awful, but not so crippling I can't function) and we cut the mango tree down. I suspect mold in the old place and noticed flare-ups in the newer place when the huge tree in our current yard (where we've lived 14 yrars) bloomed. Huby chopped the tree down. I got better (though neighbor has one, makes a difference haing huge blooms essentially "in your face" right outside the front door.

Look for anything new--flooring, a leak causing molds, change in food, the dog...

Take care and be well, sweetie...

Debbie said...

Lyn -

I've missed you!! I've been checking your blog ~ 20 times a day for an update on your condition... or even just a short note in general. So many of these comments have such wise words or advice. Maybe tomorrow is your day to feel better...? (Fingers crossed!)

twiggy said...

Oh my, Lyn :( That sounds terrible. I hope you get to feeling better soon. I can't believe all this just because someone decided to invite you over when they were sick. Big hugs!

Lyn said...

Princess Dieter~

amen to the sugar poison sentiment. That's what it does to me. I try to "feed" my pain with sugar to quell it, but that's just making it worse. Time to knock it off. Yeah, I do have a neti pot and my dr told me to use it and I promptly forgot! I have pain med brain. So thanks for the reminder... I'll get it out tonight!

Dr said the staph sinus infection is something he is seeing in large numbers right now coming on the heels of the flu, as a secondary infection/complication. So that's pretty much why I got it.

twiggy~

Yep. Same person who sends their kids to school even if they vomited the night before. Some people have NO sense. I won't be going over THERE again!

Lisa said...

Lyn - your maintaining should be celebrated as a victory. 97% of those who lose weight can't maintain for even one month. Had I maintained the 100 times before that I lost weight I would not be in my position now so please be proud of yourself! (I hope you feel better soon.:)

Diana said...

Lyn, I'm so sorry you've been ill. You're doing good just maintaining. It's hard when you're sick to stay on any kind of eating plan. We medicate with food, for any reason. :)

Take care and get better soon.

Karin said...

Oh my goodness girl...I hope hope hope you feel better soon and get back to your awesome self. Sick sucks! Rooting for you to kick that sugar to the curb. It sounds crazy to some people to NOT have sugar in your diet but boy oh boy, it's SO good for you. Since i've been off (and I say this over and over) I have never felt better. Good luck to you and keep your eye on the prize. And I too am waiting for more pics of the sweet pup. I miss my german shepherd so much...she was the best dog ever. She's been gone for 7 years, we have two other dogs (shitzu and aussie) but part of my heart will always be with Misty (my shepherd).

Christel said...

Hi Lyn! Thanks for your thoughtful response. I'm glad to hear that your health checked out, and I'm not surprised to hear it. From what I know about Medifast, I don't think it's going to leave anyone malnourished.

I've kind of got a theory that there can be sort of a system communication error between our pure biological responses and what is in fact reality. To make an example, at some point many years ago I lost the ability to absorb vitamin B-12 from food. I can supplement with injections and/or massive oral doses (only about 1% of which is absorbed), re-build the stores in my liver and be fine for months on end. Now, I really detest red meat. It's vile and disgusting to me. But every six months or so I will have this major craving for a cheeseburger, and it never tastes good when I get it, but sometimes I'd just keep getting them anyway. I finally figured out that that only happened when my B-12 levels had dropped substantially. My body/brain had no idea that I could eat a hundred cheeseburgers and it would do me no good at all. Those responses just kicked in automatically.

Likewise, it's my personal belief that any time your body is forced to start burning a significant amount of fat for energy there is a biological switch getting triggered that thinks "OMGtheresnomorefood!" regardless of the benefit the weight loss is giving to your body. That's just my theory anyway. It kind of helps in a way to see it through the lens of "this is normal" rather than "what the H is wrong with me?!"

Valerie Adams said...

Hi Lyn,
I've only just discovered your blog today but simply had to comment on your sinus condition!

You're describing what I went through last year; I was in excruciating pain between my sinuses and the unrelenting headache.

My doc suggested 2400 mg of plain Mucinex (not Mucinex DM or any other additives) taken in two 1200 mg doses for several days to unclog me.

I was astounded to have my headache disappear after the first dose. My symptoms cleared up quickly after getting rid of the compaction.

Hope you're on the mend soon. I'm going back to read more of your amazing journey.

Valerie

Pretty Pauline said...

I think you're amazing! So much so I'm going to folloe rather than keep happening upon your blog...