Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Tough Moments, and I Almost Lost It

Boy, I almost lost it today! I really had a moment there. Today is day 4 on plan, and it had a rough spot.

I got up, very slight headache, but had a child with a migraine staying home from school. After my usual tea, I made my 8am meal: banana French toast (made from Medifast banana shake powder) with sugar free syrup and a cup of peppermint coffee. That was filling, and I set about working on the first of six laundry loads I needed to get done. Had Medifast hot cocoa mid-morning, chicken noodle soup for lunch and a Smores bar for an afternoon snack. Did a few other things but noticed my daughter was acting a little "off," not sure why, maybe tired or something, but nothing concerning. However, after school she had a full breakdown complete with kicking, flailing, and screaming (which is rare for her, she is 5 and mostly past the tantrum stage) which went on for almost an hour and caused us to miss dance class and dinner prep. After the meltdown was over and we had a long talk about behavior and feelings (and the fact that one of her closest friends is moving away this week), I was *extremely* frazzled emotionally. I am a very patient mother, quite good at holding it together and remaining calm and dealing with things appropriately, but inside my nerves get seriously frazzled sometimes. In the long-ago past, I remember dashing to the kitchen to stuff my face with unhealthy food while one of my sons was in time out or screaming in his room when they were small. I would feel so desperate for calm... so helpless to stop their tantrums... that I'd go through an entire bag of chips or box of cookies in between dealing with their behavior. And this time, I still got that urge, specifically for something to CRUNCH. When it was over and all was back to normal, I seriously just wanted the satisfaction of CRUNCHING into some food... Kettle chips maybe, or toffee peanuts, that kind of thing. I was racking my brain for some kind of ON PLAN crunchy food I could eat, because I was feeling a bit desperate. I could almost feel the frayed ends of my nerves sending out sparks or something. I was wishing I had some cucumbers or celery to nosh on, or kale to make chips from, but I didn't. I tried distracting myself but I could feel the "I NEED FOOD" sensation building. I wish it wasn't like that, but it is, sometimes. So I compromised.

I made myself a little plate of crunch: half a dill pickle, a packet of Medifast soy crisps, and a bit of low fat cheese that I nuked on a plate until it was crispy. I also added to the plate one wedge of Laughing Cow Light chipotle cheese and about a half ounce of cheddar. By the time I got through with all that, I felt *much* better, calmer, and soothed... although exhausted.

Dinner was filling: an Egg Beater omelet stuffed with spinach, mushrooms, a bit of onion, and light Swiss. I also had a side of Morningstar Farms veggie sausage links and a cup of sugar free gingerbread coffee. Now that my little one has had her stories and songs and is in bed, I am relaxing, about to make a cup of herbal tea and do some reading online. I'll have a nice, warm, soothing Medifast chocolate pudding for dessert in about an hour, and get to bed early.

But wait! There is one thing I have left to do before I make that tea: physical therapy exercises. I have grown to love them and the feeling of pride, strength, and success that comes with completing the 30 to 45 minute routine every day. I may be tired, but that exercise is something that will soothe me and help me feel better as well.

Another good day for us all tomorrow!


Carol said...

Yes, the stress of being a Mom. I have many times found myself in the pantry crunching away whilst my children are screaming or having a major meltdown. My husband will come to look for me and find me immersed half inside the pantry just shoveling "it" in. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" as if he didn't know..
I'm de-stressing.. Duh. ;)

Autumnforest said...

You are amazing. I look at your pics and I'm floored but it's reading what you contend with that impresses the hell out of me. I know what it's like, that conditioned response to deal with issues with food. I had never done that in my life. I was a skinny model (yeah, hate the old me that was that way) and my way of dealing with issues was to stay away from home and exercise to exhaustion. There was no refrigerator nearby but I had a tennis racquet, a diving board, a running track, rollerskates, skateboard, basketball court. In my marriage, I used food instead. Now that I'm out of that miserable situation, I find myself going back to the exercise again and it's weird how it's so much more satisfying than the food was. I like how my muscles feel after working out much more than how my stomach felt (distended) after eating. You seem to be getting a great balance and figuring it out. There are other ways out than the old routine. People that adapt succeed. Congrats on your adaption and your success.

PlumpNotFat said...

How incredibly well you did! You've hit a low point and didn't eat an entire cheesecake. I'm so impressed with your choices! :)

I love reading your blog because it's like you're writing from my head some times. And since you're further into this journey than I am, I can see your choices and they give me ideas on what I can do.

Thank you!

Eschelle said...

sounds like some yummy good!!

you're doing great!

Shae said...

I have a 5 year old son. And he still has his occasional meltdown. I can so relate to your post. Thanks for being an inspiration. We can make better choices...even in the midst of a crisis.

Vee and the Kid said...

Good job at changing things around and managing the stress differently. My kid had a situation yesterday too but I responded with ignoring my belly and not eating for the day until almost 1 p.m. That's not acceptable either. Sigh. I'll figure it out. Eventually. Vee at

Joy said...

Thank you for sharing this. I'm another SAHM who can relate! Eating cookies and sweets is (was) my "escape."

It's wonderful how well you are doing on your plan - very inspiring!

Your children are fortunate to have such a caring and kind mother who is clearly devoted to them!

The Captain's Daughter said...

OMG! PICKLES save me so many times, I cannot tell you!!

I am severely kettle-chip addicted, but as crazy as it sounds, a few pickles satisfies the need for crunch and salt I crave during periods of stress.

Good for you to diving into the pickles, and other on-plan options!

A medical nutritionist I once saw, (for binge-eating disorder) gave me a feelings checklist with appropriate and inappropriate responses to choose from after I identify the feeling... It's just a piece of paper, but I have copies I've laminated that I keep at home, at work and in the car. It's nothing we don't already know, but having that tangible reference has helped me through some pretty rough spots!

If you'd like a copy send me an e-mail to

As always, thank you for all you share!

Roxie-Girl said...

Congrats for overcoming that stress bomb today! The thrill of having young ones still at home, but you conquered....great job!

AnneH said...

Hello, I haven't read your blog for a while. I'm glad to see you are still going forward. Congrats. However, there is an advertisement for some kind of chocolate milk diet that covers part of your blog. Even thought I clicked on it, read the advertisment, and returned to your blog, it remained. Is there something else I can do to make it go away? I missed a good portion of your blog because of it. Thanks

LindaGee said...

Tell me more about the banana pancakes made with the shake mix. This is my first day on Medifast. And your blog is just what I needed. Thank you for inspiring with your amazing journey.

Lyn said...


that should absolutely not be happening. I will see if I can turn that off... not supposed to be any pop ups or anything that covers the blog at all. I have never seen it so I will look into it, thanks for letting me know!


I will post a recipe and link to where I got it on my Medifast Recipes page sometime tomorrow :)

anna said...

wow, do I know that need for crunch. Good for you sticking with the plan!

Dinahsoar said...

The wrong kind of crunchy foods always get me into trouble. Crunchy, salty, sugary = danger. Good for you having the right kind of crunchy.

It's amazing--I too used to stuff myself with crunchy stuff--the wrong kind-- when I was feeling overwhelmed. It was as if the crunch crunch crunch of my jaws was smashing away at my tension diminishing it, destroying it or at least cutting it down to manageable size.

Well, it was...but it also made me fat in the process.

Anyone who doesn't think there are head things for us to learn doesn't fully understand the dynamics of food and frenzy.