Saturday, December 25, 2010

Dichotomy of Emotions

Oh my gosh, I am an emotional *wreck* today! But in a way, it's a good (but painful) thing. I learned something insightful about myself today.

I've come to the conclusion that there are two different kinds/origins of emotions and feelings. I hadn't thought about this before, but today being as difficult as it's been has given me some new insight about this. I think some feelings/emotions arise from the mind, while others arise from the body. Here's what I mean, and how I figured this out:

I feel, as I said, like an emotional wreck. I have been on the verge of tears today, wanting to curl up in a ball and cry or sleep. However, I am, on a different level, content and happy. I had a lovely Christmas morning with my children who all loved their presents. We enjoyed a peaceful, quiet day together which is just what I wanted. How is this even possible without a split personality?

I started paying attention to where the feelings were coming from. The first set of feelings, which came and went in waves all day long, seem to be coming from my body. I am in full-blown PMS mode right now. I am bloated, I have the worst cramps I have had in months (no doubt from the sugar I have eaten the past week), I have a PMS headache and a backache and I feel like I want to rip my uterus out. These physical feelings and the hormones that go along with it are coming though in the emotions of desperation, sadness, frustration, weepiness, and discontent. The second set of feelings, which are fairly constant but sometimes get overrun by the first set of emotions, seem to be coming from my mind. I am thankful for a Christmas together with my kids. I am utterly happy and content to have them with me, to not have to go anywhere or really do anything today, and to just sit and *be* and enjoy life. It feels wonderful and in my mind I know how blessed I am and what a great path I am on right now. These thoughts and this knowledge in my mind is coming through in the emotions of contentment, peacefulness, and happiness.

And so I have all of those emotions at once, which can be exhausting and confusing (What is wrong with me? One minute I am joyful and the next I want to cry!). But when I started examining *where* the feelings are coming from and why, it makes sense. I am NOT sad because I miss anyone right now, or because of any sad thoughts I am having... I only feel sad in waves of nondescript raw emotion, which as I said is coming from my physical body. The contentment and happiness is certainly *not* from any physical condition (I have felt that, though, and I am sure you have too... when something feels really great physically and makes you happy). The good feelings are coming from the positive thoughts I am having.

Interesting, no? I think perhaps the hardest thing is when the mind and body are both in "down" mode, when you feel terrible physically *and* your mind is having truly sad thoughts. And the wonderful days are those where the mind and body mesh in positivity. Today, though, at least I understand that I am in a good place mentally even if my body is miserable.

Enjoy the rest of your Christmas!


Lanie Painie said...

I'm sorry you're feeling so miserably physically but I'm proud of you for being able to differentiate between the physcial and emtional things going on and realize how they effect one another.

Take care of yourself. You deserve some TLC.

KS said...

So weird! I am in the exact same place right now. Happy to have had a good Christmas with my family, but weepy and sad and hopeless feeling at the same time. And...yep, I'm pre-menstrual.

Anonymous said...

You're seeing how emotions come and go, stepping back into an observer space and exploring what's happening instead of being overwhelmed by it! How cool!


Twix said...

Be sure to look into hormones. Might be all out of whack. I know mine are. ;-)
Hope you had a Merry Christmas!!

MizFit said...

reaching through the monitor and grabbing you for a bigASShug.

One Thick Chick said...

I totally understand what you are feeling. I spent most of Christmas in a whirlpool of emotion stemming from my want of some the Christmas festive foods and and everyone suffered a bit. I am glad you are to pinpoint the difference between the physical and the emotional things.You are doing great!