Sunday, December 5, 2010

Back to the Weigh-Ins...

I took a mental health break from weekly weigh-ins for a couple of weeks in November. I was feeling a bit fatigued with the routine, unhappy with how I was feeling emotionally, and worried that I would crash and burn if I didn't change things up a bit. While I spent some time figuring out how to pull my energy level and emotions out of a deep, dark cavern, I only hopped on the scale once or twice over the 2+ week period between 11/12 and 11/27. I had this overwhelming feeling of doom and gloom that I was trying to battle, and the scale became secondary for awhile. Now that I am back in a routine of supplements (including D3, B12, and fish oil) and getting more light with my tools for seasonal affective disorder, I finally have my stability back (I think!) and decided to go back to weighing in on Sundays.

When I stopped weighing on 11/12, the scale said 175 pounds. At some point, I saw 187 pounds. This Wednesday, the first of December, I weighed 181, and today I weigh 177. I am satisfied with that, and I expect to break into a new low within 2 weeks.

I had a couple of interesting experiences this week.

1) I have been feeling exceptionally large lately. In fact when I saw the 180's on the scale, it could have just as well said the 280's for how I felt. I imagined my body was ballooned out to monstrous proportions, that if anyone who had seen me at 175 pounds saw me now they would gasp in horror and say "oh my gosh, she has gained back so much weight!" It *felt like* I was many sizes larger. Somehow my brain was telling me I was morbidly obese again, and when I walked around I felt like I was "lumbering" and everything. But then when I washed my jeans (which still fit just fine) and held them up to fold them, I was *shocked*.... shocked, I tell you!, at how small they are. And these are the 12's, not even the 10's that I can also fit into albeit snugly. I actually paused in midair holding those jeans up to fold and thought, holy crap, whose jeans are these? They are too small for my boys, they are CERTAINLY too small for me! But yes, the tag said 12, and I had worn then 2 days prior. Looking at my own clothes, off my body, is a major reality check. I did *not* gain back 100 pounds overnight, even if my brain tells me I have.

2) All my life I have eaten at buffets (occasionally, like once a month). I have cut a lot of things out of my life entirely, like fast food and drive thrus, but the buffet has not been as easy to cut for me. I really like buffets when I am tired or don't have salad stuff at home. And the kid with medical eating issues EATS tons at the buffet. So there we were this week at the buffet. The usual problems for me are: fried foods (okra, french fries, potato skins, fried chicken), starches (mac n cheese, dressing, rolls, potatoes), fats (cheeses, bacon, dressings, mayo-laden salads), never-ending glasses of Coke, and the crazy insane triggering dessert bar (I used to have... I kid you not... 3-4 cookies, a bowl or two of ice cream with toppings, and no less than 3 different other desserts in ONE visit). So what did I have this time?

water with lemon slices
one large plate of salad (iceberg mix, spring mix, spinach, cukes, mushrooms, cherry tomatoes, cauliflower, bit of blue cheese dressing)
protein (1 baked chicken thigh and 1 baked chicken drumstick, skin removed; 1 thin slice of roast beef; 1 bite of baked fish, yuck)
veggies (small portion of green beans, larger portion of collard greens, one spoonful of broccoli salad)
and for dessert... a bowl of sugar free jello with sugar free whipped topping!

This is the most successful buffet trip *ever* for me, and one of the most enjoyable as well. I have to say it would be wise for me to NOT visit a buffet during the second half of my monthly cycle when my resolve is not as strong. But this time it was fun and filling!

I am very much looking forward to my goal reward which MAY happen in about a month or MAY happen later in the spring. I found a litter I am considering... can anyone guess the breed I have decided on? I'll post it in the comments later tonight ;)

24 comments:

Beth said...

I just did the same thing as far as clothes today - it's unbelievable how much our perceptions of ourselves can be distorted. I bought a pair of jeans in a smaller size today (a size 10) and when I bought them I thought, they will never ever even go up past my thighs, they are so small and I'm so fat. And I think this even when my size 12's are getting looser on me! What is wrong with our brains?

I tried on the size 10's and they slid all the way up. I couldn't button them but OMG my legs fit into those tiny jeans?

Not sure how this distortion happens to us.

How exciting about the puppy. Oh and also, thanks for the reminder about taking Vit D. It does really help with the low winter moods.

Diana said...

Great job on getting back on track so soon. Just a couple weeks instead of a couple of years (as I've done in the past).

And you survived a buffet. It's not easy, but it's doable and you did it!

I felt the same way when I hit 181. A huge difference from being in the 170s. Like I was gargantuan and had gained back every ounce. I tell you, I think we're kindred spirits. :)

The dog for you, my number one first choice is a Bullmastiff. He sounds perfect for you and your family. I especially like the knocking over intruders and pinning them to the ground. :)

#1 Bullmastiff
Number one on our list of guard dogs is the Bullmastiff (right), a breed that is actually 40% Bulldog and 60% Mastiff. A typical Bullmastiff is loyal, courageous and intensely loyal to its family, with a very strong protective instinct. Along with biting, they tend to defend their territory in an unusual way - using their great strength to knock intruders over, and pin them to the ground! Or they will defiantly stand in the intruder's path and won't let them pass. Bullmastiffs do have a natural wariness of strangers, but love spending time with their family and dislike to be left alone.

twiggy said...

German Shepherd or Border Collie? Can I have 2 guesses? Our German Shepherd is the BEST family dog. She ADORES my children, is super smart, and obedient.

Sheds a lot, though lol. That is the only thing I dont' *love* about her. I keep it under control, but you can still find white hairs if you look for em.

Anonymous said...

Your struggle with accuracy concerning your size seems universal. I struggle that way too. Thanks for listing what vitamins help you get back "with it" - as I bought all those and only have taken them now and then. I decided to take them regularly from now on. I guess I never associated them with my moods.
Waiting to hear what kind of dog will be joining your household.
N~

froggy said...

Two labrador puppies here - oh.my.gawd! The energy! After years of elderly, spinster lady labradors we now have a brother and sister team and they are a hoot. 5 months old and tons of fun.

Joy said...

Awesome job on the buffet, Lyn. You have come so far; you should be so proud!

My guess is Siberian Husky!

Lyn said...

Hint #1:

it is a large, intelligent breed with lots of energy to help keep me active!

Kupcake said...

I have to say that your blog is inspiring to me! I am also on my own weightloss journey, starting not far from where you started. You give me hope that it is possible! Thank you for your wonderful blog!

Anonymous said...

I stumbled across your blog today while googling a low carb recipe for meatloaf (I'll be trying yours for dinner FYI.) I started 1 year ago at 220lbs. This morning I am 161. I've been struggling with feeling huge this month as well, even though I haven't gained any weight. It's like I looked in the mirror from one day to the next and my mind went from "we're making progress" to "Where did all that fat come from.". Reading your blog made me feel much better. Especially your after pictures. I looked at them and thought I can't wait until I'm that small. Then I realized we are wearing the same size pants! (I'm probably shorter than you @ 5'6" though.) Just that realization has given me alot more peace of mind than I had this morning. You are an inspiration!!!

Lisa said...

glad you are feeling better!

clickmom said...

My guess is Golden Retriever. I find that if I am ovulating I look in the mirror and see a gorgeous babe, if I am premenstrual I see a troll. As far as size goes, I have no clue ever. Some days I see a shapeless blob, others I see the light at the end of the tunnel. There is no rhyme or reason to that one.

Joy said...

Okay my second guess (is that allowed?) is Labrador Retriever! Whatever it is, I hope we get pics when the new baby comes :)

Lyn said...

Someone actually guessed it already, lol...

I am getting a German Shepherd :)

GLEGRACE said...

Lyn, you are doing so well and daily inspiration! I have 100 plus to go but I know I can do it with tenacity!

Yay, on the German Shepard. We have a Shepard mix and he's the best, loving dog we could ever have and he's giant sized too 115 lbs. He loves our daily walks and pouts if he doesn't get one.

lynne said...

GoldenDoodle?????Best DOG EVAAAAA...

She keeps me sane....

Lynne said...

Oh... too late! German Shepherd?! Second best dog ever... except for the HAIR... I hope you like to sweep!!!

Jen said...

I'm glad to see that you made good choices at the buffet. And as to the puppy, I'm going to go with Lab or German shepherd.

Steelers6 said...

Oops, too late to guess, but I was totally clueless anyway.

Good thing you are the new and improved Lyn prior to getting a puppy! Whew, are they ever work, but I think tiny Lyn is up to it. :)

I was wondering if the buffet veggies and salad and stuff even appeal to you very much anymore, since the quality is usually not so swell. (overcooked veggies, swimming in ____?, & possibly too salty..at least at some places.)
So glad you were thinking at the buffet.

We are all going to enjoy meeting your puppy. I know u are eager for your reward, but wondering if it might be better to wait til summer. Eh, I'm pretty sure there is no holding you back now! ha.
Have a great week, Chrissy

Lyn said...

Steelers6 (Chrissy)~

yeah, the cooked veggies left a lot to be desired. I actually added water to the collard greens and dumped it off to rinse off the salt, lol. The fresh ones were good tho. :)

debby said...

German Shepherds are a great great breed of dog. You've probably done your research--they do have a lot of hereditary health problems. The last one I had was just a tragedy.

Don't mean to be a downer. Just want you to have a great experience.

Lyn said...

debby~

Yes I know... so sorry to hear about your experience! I've had two before and learned a little more each time. I am going with a breeder that I trust, who health tests her dogs before breeding. It can still happen but I am trying to stack the odds in my favor :)

Twiggy said...

Yay! A German Shepherd! Congrats :). I got mine from a rescue that specializes in white german shepherds (we wanted a white one) and we've been so happy with her. Here is a pic of her and my youngest. She is the awesomest. http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v62/gbmortie/006-5.jpg Hopefully that link works. If not, I will post pics on my blog of her for you.

Twiggy said...

Lyn, I put up some pictures of my dog in my blog for you! Wrote a whole post about her, actually lol.

Gofer said...

Thank you for writing this I have been going through the same feelings for at least a month now (prob closer to 2 months). I have lost 53 lbs but managed to find 10 of those lbs (guess they werent hiding well enough) and even though I still fit into my clothes i still have that moment of dread when pulling on the pants I can remeber when I was at my highest trying on pants and knowing the second they were at my calves weather or not they would fit and when I lost the weight and fit into 10's that feeling went away and I had that powerful feeling of I can fit into normal clothes I dont have to pick up sever sizes of the same item I can grab a 10 and know it will fit. But now I have that feeling again like you said of looking at my pants (exp. my 1st pair of 10's) and thinking yeah there is no flipping way these are gonna fit look at the calf area or even the thigh area I will look like a snausage in these, but they fit I havent out grown any of my clothes and I know what I need to do to lose this last 20 lbs but im scared of the scale now (oh when i was losing we were like peas and carrots heehee) but when it turned on me i unfriended my scale (both in fact) and now rely on how my clothes fit which is hard since I no longer like how i look in some of them. But its good to know im not the only one who feels this way its nice to hear from your hubby or family that you look nice blah blah blah but if you try to explain why you dont feel right in that shirt and you change they dont get it its nice/comforting to know im not the only one who feels this way.