Thursday, November 11, 2010

They're Not Fat Anymore

My arms, that is. Oh yes, they have a large circumference. Oh yes, they take up a lot of space. They even look kinda big in my tight sleeves. BUT... something's changing.

I know people (myself included) complain about batwing arms that hang and flail and swing in the breeze. It's kind of a given that if you become morbidly obese and then lose a lot of weight, the arms will suffer. The fat might dissolve away, but the skin is very stubborn about shrinking. And for me, the arms were the very last thing to show any signs of getting smaller. So I have been left with big arms. Fat arms.

But not anymore.

My arms are not fat anymore. I was noticing this in the mirror the other day. I can see my *real arms*... the muscles, the stuff *under* all that fat. The fat is mostly gone, with a small puddle still hanging, suspended in a skinbag in a most unflattering manner. What I see now are the arms I had in my early 20's: normal sized, defined, real arms instead of the plump, soft, fat-laden things I've had for so long. It makes me happy, even though there is skin and some fat still attached. I can see what WAS, and what WILL BE. I feel like an average person, with battle scars that don't define me.

The rest of my body is like that, too, with the exception of my belly and thighs, which actually *are* still quite fat. I am nowhere *near* seeing the actual underlying thigh muscle or defined shape, nor is anyone going to easily feel my uterus through the belly fat. But my arms? Yes. My shoulders, collarbones, ribs, and hips all have come out. My wrists and ankles are becoming defined. My fingers are slender. My neck and jawline is great. I am, in fact, a thin person with a big, deflated skinbag hanging off me.

It's a little disconcerting when I lotion my body after a shower, sometimes. It truly does look and feel like I am in a bodysuit 3 times too big. It's kinda loose and hangy, and it doesn't look quite right. I often think, "If I could just take this skin off and change into one that fits, I'd look amazing!" It feels like I am wearing a 2X sweater and size 22 jeans on a size 10 body, if you can imagine that. I keep wanting to "change clothes." But I am very glad the body underneath is coming through. I am not open to plastic surgery for myself, so I just do the best I can with the skin care and remember that five years out, my body will probably shrink up the excess skin somewhat. And I do believe that as I work on building muscle, I will look and feel even better!

There's always a new discovery! Just another step in this wonderful journey called life.


Anonymous said...

Don't totally discount the idea of plastic surgery.

I can deal with the skin on my arms and legs and I doubt I will ever want to go to the trouble of surgery for those areas (not that I totally count it out).

But the torso... after living in skin several sizes too big for my body for 8 years, I just couldn't take it anymore and I had the surgery.

Totally worth it.

gaelowyn said...

I hope that it all does come together for you!! I bet you're right, the skin will shrink down over time.. and your muscles will grow to fill out and define that skin.. good luck!!! Thanks again for your inspiration. I've started journaling feelings and food and just about whatever floats my boat at the time I'm writing. I've never really done this before.. but I see how your blog has helped you to look back and see what was going on.. and helped you find ways to work through the hard times.. and to be proud of where you are and how far you've come.. so Thanks!!!!

-J.Darling said...

I'm sure over time, when you start being able to tone up more and work out more, you'll see some of that skin slap back into place (so some added muscle fill the space!).

Diandra said...

When my sister lost a considerate amount of weight, she treated her skin with wild rose oil, and it helped! Many drug stores should have some, often in the sense of body lotion for women who have gien birth... ^^

Lisa said...

So awesome to hear.

So I saw this thread on OH today and thought of you because you do all that awesome cooking... A LOT of these are low-carb.

Anonymous said...

I tried the zucchini noodle idea, along with carrot noodles the same way, with some skepticism. But, wow, they both really worked as a replacement for carbs in pad thai. I made it yesterday and let it sit in the frig and reheated it, convinced it would be a soggy mess. Ate it without looking at it, because that would remind me of what it isn't, and was completely fooled. It tasted like pad thai with vegetables, not pad thai made out of vegetables. A keeper.

Anonymous said...

You see! I told you (on your 100lb loss post) that your arms looked great!! It's so fun, listening to you re-discover your lost body; have fun!


Shelley said...

You are cracking me up with all of your new discoveries - bones! muscles! - it's so fun to see you go through this!!! :)