Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Perspective

I watch the Biggest Loser. I've watched it every season since it began, and I used to be so religious about NEVER missing an episode that I would skip other events if they'd make me miss My Show. I loved it. It gave me so much hope the first couple of seasons. It *sort of* inspired me (I say *sort of* because it made me cry, it made me believe it was possible, it made me want it, it stirred something inside me... but I still ate chips and ice cream while I watched it, weighing 278 pounds).

A few seasons went by. I watched all these people losing weight. I'd lose 10 pounds sometimes, and then gain it back. Or not lose at all. At the end of each season they were thin, and I was morbidly obese Every time. And every time a new season came on I'd think, "hey, maybe I can do it with them this time." And they'd lose, and I'd stay fat. And I'd cry.

After awhile I guess I got numb to it or used to it, but I still loved watching people change their lives. Everyone loves a good before and after picture. I liked watching people who were my size get to a normal weight and I imagined what was possible for me. And during the last 3 years I have watched and felt pretty good that I was losing, too, finally.

This season was different. When it started, on the very first episode, it dawned on me that "hey... wait a minute... I *think* I weigh less than *every one of those contestants.*" It was truly a shocker for me, since usually the contestants began the Biggest Loser journey *lighter* than I was. I mean, you hardly ever saw a woman on there even on week 1 who was 278 pounds like I was. They were *starting* at 228 pounds or something and I'd think, geez, how would it be? How would it be to be 228 pounds? Gosh, I'd give my right arm to be that "fat." And then, this season, they were all heavier than me. And I was amazed and surprised and just... wow.

And even now, I watch it and a lot of them are still heavier than me after nine weeks of being on the show. And I have a hard time in my head, switching to a different mindset of not being *jealous* of their weight. This week, several of them were showcasing how they have lost 70, 80, 100 pounds and I am thinking WOW that is amazing! A hundred pounds! Incredible! Wait... I have done that. I have lost 70, 80, 100 pounds too. Haven't I? How is that even possible? And I look at myself and think, I have done something truly amazing. I have changed my life, like those people have, like I used to be so jealous of and cry over wanting it so badly. And I did it without Bob and Jillian. I did it. It seems like I am imagining it, still. It is hard to believe it is real! But it is.

It really *is* possible. Even for someone like me, who never felt strong enough, who never thought it would happen. If you want it, if you are afraid it can't happen, erase that thought. It can happen. It might take awhile, but it is SO WORTH IT.

18 comments:

Ex Yo-Yo Dieter Debbie said...

I used to be one of those people, too, who watched the Biggest Loser while eating chips and ice cream...and for the longest time I wouldn't even watch it at all because I knew it would force me to think about my own weight and what I was doing to myself. If I didn't watch a show like that, I didn't have to think about my weight and I could stay in denial.

These days, I invariably end up crying at some part of the show...there are times that I still feel the emotional pain of being obese, even though I'm getting close to being a "normal" weight.

I think it takes a long time for the mind to catch up with the body. I never let myself feel bad when I was fat...I stuffed it all down with food. So it takes a while for all the bad things I smothered with food to come to the surface and work themselves out.

It's real, Lyn. You have lost that much weight. You have changed your life!

Rosie's Weight Loss Blog said...

Way to go! I never really watch that show, but only because I can't seem to find the time. But when I do watch it every once in a while, it really gets to me because I know how they feel! When they step on the scale and I see their emotions, I'm right there with them!

bd160 said...

Wow -- what a realization!!! Look at how strong and determined you were, and still are! You mentioned watching people change their lives -- you've changed yours in the SAME WAY! And in a much healthier way than the contestants on the shows do!

I really hope you shed some of those happy, inspired tears for yourself, because you've earned them. You deserve every single one of them, as much or more than the contestants on the show!

Diandra said...

Those moments are so incredible...although I have only been reading here for a while, I am deeply impressed by the changes you achieved. If only my sister (who weighs about 250lbs, I guess) could read English, I'd totally send her this way. You're an inspiration!

Something About Kellie said...

I could have almost written this post - all of the stuff in regard to eating while watching and being jealous, oh and the crying....

I am only 3 weeks into my weightloss journey but I have never felt more excited that this is going to work for me and I hope that when biggest loser returns to Australia I can be that person who weighs less than those contestants too :)

tattered 'n torn prims said...

I just found your blog a few days ago while researching the Medifast plan....I've ordered it and will be starting my journey on Sunday.

I don't and haven't watched Biggest Loser but wanted to share with you.....as some may watch that show for inspiration.....I am reading your blog for it!! I have gained such knowledge from your sharing and I am excited about this new journey I'm about to begin!! Thank you for sharing.....and I hope you don't mind if I stalk you a bit for continued inspiration!! :O)

Enjoy all your new revelations..... take pride in your accomplishments..... and know there are many being inspired by you!!

Happy Wednesday!!
Stacey

Judy said...

yeah YOU!!!! and you did it it on your own and more safer than the contestants.

hmmm.... where's your $100,000???

Meghan said...

Yes, Lyn, you did it. Yout perseverence and fortitiude are what got you here. You didn't need Bob and Jillian. This is why you will never gain it back. Congrats!

Christina S. said...

You rock! You should be very proud of yourself. And I believe 100% that you are going to be successful in the long term.

Speaking of BL, just curious to know what you thought of this season. I started watching maybe four or five seasons ago (I think my first season was the one with Heba and Vicky). For some reason I just could not get into it this season - the gameplay and alliances have really begun to grate on my nerves . . . I miss some of the nicer players from seasons past!

Jen said...

That's great! I've never watched the show, but people who have had told me it's really inspiring. You were inspired watching the show, and now people are inspired hearing about YOUR journey. :-)

Twiggy said...

What a great feeling :). Personally, I'm looking forward to not weighing the same as the linebackers on an NFL team ;).

LN said...

How wonderful for you to realize that!! Kudos and congratulations on your very own successful transformation.

Lisa said...

Inspiring post! Thanks. :-)

Sunny said...

Congrats to you! Know how I started using Biggest Loser to my advantage? Not this season, but last season, I started dancing through every commercial break. I got over 30 min. of exercise in during that 2 hour show. every.single.week.

Still do it! :)

♔Reyna♔ said...

gosh-I know exactly how you felt! It does feel great though watching it now that I've lost weight, not feeling horrible about myself. wat's funny is that I just posted a b4 and after picture after losing 51 lbs. If you want come by and check them out! I can't wait to read more--officially a new follower!

reyna
www.glamglory.blogspot.com

Lisa said...

Wow, I was exactly the same. Being in the UK I don't get to watch the seasons until about three years late I think but I still love them all the same, and I could have written your post because it's just how I used to feel, and felt when I watched the latest season shown in the UK recently. I couldn't believe that I weighed less than those people at the end, and they all looked stunning. Couldn't believe that I maybe looked like that. I still am shocked regularly to think that I've lost over 130lbs, it just doesn't seem real. 16 months ago it seemed like an impossible dream, but I've made that dream come true, no-one else, ME, and I am so proud.

Lanie Painie said...

I can't understand why they don't have bigger girls either, other than they can't win the beginning contests to even get on the ranch.

This is the first season I've watched all the way through. I tended to lose interest once they got smaller than me (you know, episode 2) before. Next season I want all the women to be bigger than me. Since the only one I can control is myself, I'm workin it at the gym!

Chris of Frecklemama.com said...

YES! I am with you (uh, except I've lost 24 so far, not 100!). I used to watch it while snacking and feel guilty but inspired. Weird. Every season I think, what if I started when they started? Where would I be by the finale?

This year I started MF on Oct 6. I have lost 24 lbs so far and still don't believe it. I have to look at a cell phone pic I took of myself to help it sink in.

You are such an inspiration! Thank you for your continued honesty and sharing.