Wednesday, November 3, 2010

My 100 Pound/Goal Rewards

For a long time, I've been thinking about what gift I would give myself once I reached 100 pounds gone, and/or "goal" (not sure what my goal weight is right now). After quite a bit of thought, I decided to give myself something that would actually help me keep the weight off and make a regain less likely.

This is a two-part gift, and although there are "things" involved, the real gift I am giving myself is the gift of self confidence.

I've blogged before about the abuse I have endured in the past. I've mentioned how as I lost weight, I started to get anxious about getting smaller... how I felt much more vulnerable. When I weighed 140 pounds, it was easy for someone to pick me up and move me against my will. It was nothing for someone to knock me down, pin me on a bed, or flip me upside down and mop the floor with my hair. I was helpless when someone wanted to push me into a corner or hold my arms against my sides or hurt me til I cried. It is not something I ever want to feel again. Ever.

The weight was a shield for me. I felt SOLID. There is no way anyone was going to pick me up and put me somewhere I didn't want to be. I felt like a wall. My head said, "You just try and push me buddy. You think you can pick this woman up? Think again." And to some extent, I was right. Sure, if a badguy had a gun or a knife or a forklift I'd be in trouble. But that was never the issue. And although my fears might be irrational, they still lurk and call and tease me sometimes with a bit of fear and nervousness about my own safety against any man who might want to do me harm.

I want to feel safe, and actually, I have come a long way in the regard. I have more confidence than I did 3 months ago. I have a more realistic outlook. Yet, a part of me still wonders, when I am home alone at night or when I am out walking in the park and no one is around. I no longer fear a domestic violence situation, but there is that uneasiness that "it could happen again" but at the hands of a stranger.

So the gift to myself is two part, and the second part has yet another layer to it.

1) I am going to take a self defense/survival course. They are offered by the police department several times a year, and these day-long seminars are geared towards teaching you how to survive an assault, mugging, attack, or other scary situation. There is mental preparation as well as knowing how to defend yourself physically. Once I take this course, I may also decide to take martial arts once I am closer to goal.

2) I am going to get a puppy :)

Yes, a puppy. Why? Here's the two parts to that:

a) This puppy will be a large breed with enough "look" and "bark" to be a deterrent to anyone who wants to mess with me. I have always felt safer when I am home alone if I have a large dog at home, but right now I have a very small dog who is a wonderful comfort but not much of a protection. I will feel much safer taking long walks or hikes alone with a large dog, rather than by myself.
b) This puppy is going to help break old habits and bring in new ones. This will be my partner... a dog who needs daily exercise and who I can take to get involved in active dog sports like agility, tracking, and obedience. When I feel like sitting around, this puppy will help me stay active. It will give me something new to focus on as I ease away from the "diet" mindset and all the worrying and thinking about food and binges.

This puppy, this dog, is going to be an important partner in my new, confident, active lifestyle. I may even teach them to run beside me as I rollerblade!

I have wanted and waited for this for many months. Now that I have reached my 100 pounds lost, I am getting my sights set on a puppy. The plan is to have a pup sometime this spring. I am so excited I can hardly contain myself! Stay tuned for super cute puppy pictures sometime early this spring!

31 comments:

Ms. M said...

Those are awesome rewards! Being a victim of domestic violence myself the idea of a self defense class makes perfect sense to me & I think its a smart reward choice. Congrats again on your huge accomplishment! :)

Ann said...

Self Defense classes are great for a boost of confidence and practical skills. Martial arts is even better, it is one my big goals too for when I am at my goal weight. I think it helps greatly with reflexes, posture etc. apart from the benefit of exercise and defense. These are some great goal rewards for a great accomplishment.

Rawbel said...

Those are both terrific and proactive and self supportive goal gifts!! Bravo!!!

chicu said...

such wonderful rewards! talk of gifts that keep on giving. you deserve this. And if you have access to one, may I recommend an aggressive class- kickboxing / martial arts?

Jess @ THIR said...

I know exactly what you mean with the puppy.
I got a Kelpie(Australian Shepherd)/German Shepherd cross that is now 4 years old when I came out of a particularly agressive relationship.
She makes me feel safe. She barks at intruders. She would pretect me to the death.

I now have a second dog who is a White Shepherd/Husky cross. He loves people to death, but he looks pretty fearsome!

They are great companions as well. I talk to my dogs all the time :)

Lissa said...

What a great plan! I want a puppy for the same reasons :)

Shane G. said...

great idea Lyn! I love the idea of a reward and I love both your rewards! I was wondering, would you be interested in possibly adding weight training for muscle building to your fitness regimen? It also will build your confidence and make you more of a threat to an attacker if they choose to mess with the "bad ass" Lyn!

Stacy said...

I love your rewards. I recommend a German Shepard. They are the kindest and most loving dogs to their family members. They can be pretty protective as well. We had one when I was growing up and he saved my Mom from a rapist who had "run out of gas" in our driveway. They sense your emotions and ours would only growl at people if we were nervous or upset around them. I'd give anything if Dh & me had a fenced in back yard to have one now. You will feel very safe and very loved by one of that breed.

Vickie said...

I went through a long spell of being fearful (just exactly as you describe, larger me - they could not push in a van, smaller me - felt they could). Self defense sounds like a very good idea.

I have just assumed you were going back to work once your daughter was in school full time. But sounds like you will continue to be at home. I would encourage you to find a good training program to do with your dog. If securiny is part of your goal (with the dog) having the dog very well trained will really help with this. I would encourage you to find the class/instructor before you get the dog - they will have very good suggestions for you in what to look for in a puppy/breed.

Anonymous said...

I have two dogs I got (as adults) at the local humane society. One is a st bernard x husky and the other is a labrador x doberman. They are both great dogs and I'm sure my doberador would lay down his life for me. Great reward. Ever considered adopting an adult dog? No house training, already temperament tested...

Well done and good luck
Barb

Anonymous said...

Great ideas. I went one further after my *puppy*, a full-grown lab, was picked up by the scruff of the neck by a wolf hybrid *dog* in a remote area.

I took a course and now carry a weapon and concealed weapon licence. I am prepared to defend my life.

Darcy said...

What a great idea. A puppy is my new reward!

Anonymous said...

Lyn,
These are great ideas. A dog will offer you some emotional support that you lost when you stopped binging, as well as the things you mentioned.

I've also had a German Shepard who was very gentle and loving, but she still scared people and she did want to protect me--just instinctively, no training required.

Theresa said...

great rewards! You know you will walk that puppy because you walk yourself so regularly!

Oh, and I love the side photos with your before and 100 pound off photos! Looks great!

Mim said...

Ypur rewards are very well thought out. You are so insightful! Congrats on your triumph!

Vee and the Kid said...

Terrific rewards. You've obviously given it a lot of thought, and come up with two great ones. We're getting a few dogs this winter too, but I'll tell ya, just running after my goats and chickens has helped me lose weight and get fit.

Yup. Great ideas. Vee at http://veegettinghealthy.blogspot.com

Ex Yo-Yo Dieter Debbie said...

Love the reward ideas, especially the self-defense course!

Great!

ryry the adventurous said...

YELLOW LAB! YELLOW LAB! I would never want to live without mine. The most loving companion one could ask for!

Gaelowyn said...

Martial Arts will be awesome for you.. why wait?? I took a class for 6 months, weighing about 230lbs and was able to do pretty much anything they put out there.
Martial Arts will help you w/self confidence, positive mental attitudes, physical fitness, and so much more. I can't wait till I can go back again! (injury and finances have forced me to take a hiatus). Good luck, enjoy the self defense class, the dog and Martial Arts!

Debbie said...

I agree with "Anonymous" that maybe you should consider a shelter dog from the dog pound! They are so loyal and protective... it's almost like they know that you've saved them from being put to sleep & they are that much more attached to you. (I have 4!) A vet can give you advice on the best kind of big dog to look for that will be both protective and loving toward you. Also, you can request that the dog pound call you when they have a dog available that might be what you are looking for. So glad to know that you will soon have a new best friend!

-J.Darling said...

Do you have any idea what breed you want to get? I have a boxer and he was part of my diet plan. They LOVE families and are big and strong enough that no one messes with me (even though in truth he's a total goof ball). They are very sensative to sounds and he is good at alerting me when a stranger is knocking at the door.

I think you already gave yourself the ultimate gift - a life free from morbid obesity!

Cortney said...

The good thing is you can still get specific puppy breeds from rescues- unfortunately there are tons of puppies that go unwanted, even those who are specifically bred to be sold :( My friends were able to get a very specific breed as a puppy rescue- the breed they wanted, a life saved, and about 1/3 the cost!

Lucy said...

They sound like wonderful rewards, Lynn! Can't wait to hear about how the self-defence lessons go and, of course, would LOVE to see some cute puppy pictures!

w0rld4vamps said...

I've been dying to take a self defense class. I'm thinking more of a longer term class... like kick boxing. Once I get more stable (I move around a lot) I think I'll do it.

I've been dying for a dog too! But I think, again, I'll wait until I can afford one and really put in the time.

I love it.
Congratulations once again!

-w0rld

Anonymous said...

My son got a Golden Retriever puppy last Christmas...we just celebrated her 1 year bday... and I enjoy walking her almost every day...in fact we just got back from a 2 mile adventure...
Good for you! You have done so well... your blog is awesome and so are you...

Karen said...

I am COMPLETELTY unbiased and I think you should get a Flat-coated Retriever....

Anonymous said...

i LOVE that you are rewarding yourself with a puppy!!! That is the best gift you can give yourself-- so much joy and fun for years to come. Do you know people who have dogs have a much lower risk of getting a heart attack? Definitely great stress relievers!

I got a puppy in July and my activity has increased so much as a result. When it was warmer out, i'd take him for a mile walk in the mornings and 2 miles in the evenings-- 3 miles of 'exercise' that didn't even feel like exercise!

icannotweight said...

I want a puppy! I wish that could be my reward.

I can't wait to hear how self defense and possibly martial arts go. I think they sound interesting. :D

Janis said...

That "wall" comment was interesting to me. I'm the low end of normal for my height in terms of BMI (19 or so) ... and I feel absolutely weak and like a stick in terms of strength. I dislike being around men, so my coping technique isn't to eat until I'm heavier, it's just to avoid men. The base of my braid is thicker than my wrist, and I hate it. It'd be nice to be bigger so I'd feel like I can hold my own and not fear getting snapped in two at the whim of any man around me, but I'm not interested in abusing food. Avoidance seems to be my way of managing it. That and dressing WAY down. It's interesting how the same issue will surface differently in different people.

Anonymous said...

A loyal, loving companion and protector an Australian Shepherd. Aussies are like Lay's potatoe chips you can never have just one. :)

elizabeth said...

Congrats on reaching your goal! PLEASE consider adopting versus buying your puppy - I know you are amazing and giving with kids so you're likely already considering doing this because adopting gives a loving home to one of the millions of dogs in need that would otherwise be put to sleep at overcrowded shelters - and yes, even puppies are euthanized! I work for a rescue and there is the right adoptable puppy out there for you, dogs should not be overbred and sold for profit as you likely know :) check out www.petfinder.com to search for your new best friend!