Wednesday, October 27, 2010

They Didn't See

Second post today...

Yesterday my son asked me to take him out for driving practice. It's gotten cold, so I reached in the closet and grabbed my warm winter coat. Now, this is a coat with a history. Back when I weighed 240-245 pounds, I was having a tough time with clothing. I had almost no money to spare, so I was walking around in a coat too small that gaped open in the front (or no coat at all). A kind friend saw my dilemma and knew my circumstances, and she ever so nicely came over one day with one of her "old" coats. "I have too many coats," she said, "and I thought maybe you might like this one! It is a good color for you!" I gratefully took the coat, which was in nearly new condition, and stayed warm that winter.

Not too many years went by before I was in the 260's and 270's. The coat was barely closing anymore. It has a zipper in the front and I was barely, just barely able to zip it up. If I sat down I had to unzip it. But it was all I had.

The first year I started blogging, I dropped a good amount of weight. At about 235 pounds, I bought myself a new winter coat. It's built for being out in the wind: puffy, with a fur hood. But last night, I didn't see that coat in the closet. I saw the old zippered one. Being in a hurry, I grabbed it and put it on.

It was truly astounding. This coat that was so tight I could not sit down with it zippered now hung on me EVERYWHERE. It is so large that I could fit any one of my children in it *with me,* including either of my two sons who are over 6 feet tall and one who weighs more than I do! It was gaping like a parachute when I zipped it. I showed two of my sons. "That's weird," said the 18 year old. I said, "Yeah, I have lost some weight." He continued, "Nah, coats just do that. It's the material. I can buy a sweater that fits me just right, and after a few months they stretch out and get baggy like that." I smiled.

We went for our drive, and when we came home I decided to see if he *really* didn't know I'd lost weight. I pulled up some of those "before" pictures on my laptop... the ones from 2006-7 when I weighed 278 pounds. "Look at this," I said, calling him over. He bent down, looked, and said, "Whaaaaaaaaaaat?????" The he said, "Noooo!" He looked at me, and the pictures, and back again. At this point another son came to look. "What happened??" he said. "I lost a hundred pounds," I said. "Nuh uh!" said my boy. "How come I never remember you looking any different?" "Because you are my sweet boy, and you just saw your MOM."

So true. All this time I was worried about them being so embarrassed by me and hating having the Fat Mom. All this time I thought that when I'd mention my size and they'd say "Mom, you're not that big" that they were trying to spare my feelings. But I think they just never really paid attention to my size. They were just happy to have a Mom to who loved them and did everything she could for them.

And that makes me VERY happy.

49 comments:

Lanie Painie said...

awwww. .. you made me cry a little bit. So sweet!

Jayne Doe said...

That's so sweet!

My 8-year-old got upset this morning while I was reading blogs.

I was reading, "The Fat Mom" and he said, "You aren't fat, Mom!"

And I said, "What?"

And then he said, "That's not a good blog name for you, because you aren't fat, Mom."

Kids can be awesome!

Denise said...

Dear lord. I am sitting at my desk bawling now, thank you very much.

I can not wait to see my 18 year olds reaction once I am where you now are!

-J.Darling said...

Ya know, being adopted, I always thought of my mom (the one who raised me) as one of the most beautiful women in the world. I still do. She's a really looker, even for a women in her 60's now.

Maybe I was seeing her through rose colored glasses. Though weight hasn't been a problem with her, she's one of the most spectacular women I know - and I'll always see her as beautiful.

Maybe I need to tell her today.

icannotweight said...

:D That is amazing! I can't imagine that happening!

Everyone in my life has noticed my weight changes and mentioned them the first time around but not so much this second time.

Your sons are so sweet, it is shocking to me how much love they must have for you :)

Sasha said...

This was so beautiful. When you love someone you never see their bad things. Beautiful

Heather said...

omgosh Lyn...the flood gates have opened. This is exactly where I'm at, right at this moment. Always worried that I'm embarassing my babies and wondering what they think of me. It's a horrible way to live. Hopefully one day I'll too find out that all they saw was Mom.

Anonymous said...

Awwww. You are a great mother and you should be so proud of yourself. This post made me so happy.

I Will Lay Down My Idols said...

Wow! That's amazing. At first I was sad that they didn't see your journey, but then I was so happy for you b/c they didn't realize that you needed to take the journey!
D

Chris said...

When I had lost about 60 pounds my oldest daughter was trying to be encouraging and said "wow dad, I bet you have lost at least 10 pounds". It was such an innocent encouragement! Kids don't see numbers, they see the fight and want to help! :-)

Memoirs of a Makeup Addict said...

Love this post!

Anonymous said...

that made me tear up too- so touching. i love being a mother.
~tiffany

Erin said...

Isn't that the true gift of family? They really do love us.

carol said...

That was sweet of your son. We really don't see faults in our parents. I was always attracted to tall men so I married one. When my dad died and I read his army discharge papers, I saw where he was only 5'6" and I am 5'5". I never noticed when he was alive.

Anonymous said...

Part of the inability to see a loved one as *fat* stems from our cultural bias (OMG teh fatz people!) against obese people. Loved ones may not *see* the obesity because that would mean *seeing* a *disgusting* or *gross* or *bad* person. Cognitive dissonance prevents them from seeing the *reality* because the *reality* is, in the current social construction, too painful to face.

Prairiemaid said...

This is the sweetest post!

I think this is so true, we look at those we love ans see the love, not so much the physical person.

When I look at my husband, I see the guy I married 37 years ago....I don't see the wrinkles, the balding head or the fact that what hair is there is now gray.

Thank you for this post.

mk said...

This made me teary. I love your boys! And I'm SO thrilled for you. :)

Julie said...

I teared up when I read this post. Thank you so much for writing it.

Lisa said...

:)

Lori said...

That makes me happy too. It brings a little tear to my eye, it is so sweet.
Lori

Vee said...

I admit that I teared up a little too. I'm almost at my 100 pound mark (down 94.6 pounds as of yesterday). Wonder if anyone'll notice? I did fit into a coat this week that I haven't even SEEN in years. Amazing! Vee at http://veegettinghealthy.blogspot.com

Piper said...

One of the sweetest posts ever. <3

Tamzin said...

That is just the best thing I've read all day! :)

spunkysuzi said...

That is one of the most important things in life "just being mom"!

Mind Over Fatter said...

That is so cool. Actually my son is the one person who swears to me I am not fat. He is a lean mean athlete and every time I say "I'm fat", he says I am not. Your photo is a good idea once I get closer to goal...

Jessica said...

Awe, your blog made me happy! Thanks so much!

Tammy said...

That is just TOO awesome. :)

Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit said...

Okay, Lyn. That very well may be the sweetest post I've ever read...

CJ said...

Awww shucks! I teared up :) Thats the sweetest story ever. You should be the proudest ma ever :)

Steelers6 said...

Aw, what you and J. Darling wrote is sweet.

Kinda funny they didn't see. My kids do comment from time to time. I got a kick out of the coat description. "I have lost some weight, Nah, coats just do that". haha and "I lost 100 lbs..Nuh uh!" cracks me up.

I think a pat on your back too for not making your WL a big deal in your house. [although I know you took it very seriously!] I try not to have it a huge focus and overtaking everything here either, I just do my thing, ya know? Obviously you just plugged away as well. I guess when you wanted to talk about everything you talked HERE!

And Yay! You weigh less than your son! Good job! I kind of feared bypassing my dh in weight, which didn't happen.

Not sure I would have been able to be as contained and smooth around my kids about losing ONE HUNDRED POUNDS!! Sheesh! I can't believe they didn't hear you hollering from the scale that day! haha

Thanks for sharing; love it.
Chrissy

Catherine F. said...

Your boys are amazing! Hearing them say that must have made you feel so proud.

If only a lot more people were capable of looking through the eyes of love at all the people they come across in their daily life - the world would be a much less judgemental place!

Lisa said...

Oh my gosh. That was the best read ever. ;-) Thanks.

Donna C said...

Awww ! They are so sweet and it is nice to know that they had no negative feelings about your weight ! You have raised them right for them to see the beautiful person you are inside ...... at whatever your weight is ! you should be so proud of them and yourself ! ( Congrats that the coat is HUGE now ! Wow 100 lbs gone still amazes me !!!! )

Spaghetti Cat said...

So adorable, its true, you were a good mom and thats all that mattered!

globalmom said...

You made me cry at my desk! Thanks for sharing this, it really made my day because I worry about how my kids might be disadvantaged by my weight all the time.

pinkvision said...

awww - that's such a great story, I'm grinning like the cheshire cat!

Ness said...

I got goosebumps reading your post.
I love it when my kids tell me I look beautiful, it's always sincere.

Susan said...

I am sitting here with tears in my eyes. Happy tears for you - I've followed your blog for a long time and I'm so thrilled that you have met your goal. Sad tears for me - I am heartbroken over what I've done to myself. I weight 262 pounds (I'm 5'4") and wear a 26/28. I want to lose weight, but I'm just not 'there' yet. The first thing on my mind when I wake up is food. The last thing on my mind when I go to sleep is often food. If I'm stressed out, I turn to food. If I'm lonely, I go to my old friend food. Even now I'm plotting my next binge. I can't see my way out of this disgusting cycle.

I hope you'll keep writing on this blog even though you've lost the weight. I need to somehow find my motivation and knowing that there's someone out there who understands everything I just wrote makes it a little better.

Congratulations, Lyn. We are all so proud of you! Maybe one day this will be my story. My kids tell me I'm not fat, but I'm so afraid of being an embarrassment to them. I think they just tell me I'm not so I won't be sad, but maybe they really think it.

Thank you, Lyn.

Barbara said...

Okay you seriously made me cry. You have such a wonderful family.

Anonymous said...

aww, i started tearing up too. i have the same thoughts about my kids, but they are the same. :) i tried on my pants from the day before i started losing weight. they are the largest pants i have and they were tight that day. we went to a kids birthday party. i explained how i was embarrassed that day, this was all that would fit. dressy pinstripe pants, when i should be wearing casual clothes for spring. when they looked at me wearing the pants, they were surprised at the waist. they could fit their whole arm in next to my waist. if i walked around or bent over, the would have fell down lol. they thought that was great, and they try to show me how proud they are when they can :)

sandy said...

I am crying right now. I also was afraid my children were ashamed of me, but soon realized that just as I love them as they are, they love me just as I am.

Anonymous said...

Wow!
Very, very cool!

Marie

gracies tough journey said...

OMG, that was so sweet, it was so touching. I know one of the top reasons I want to loose weight, is for my kids. I too, didnt want to be the fat mom. God bless them.

JettSetter said...

I'm crying my eyes out right now!

Linda said...

That is so touching...both for you, and because it fills me with hope. Thank you.

screwdestiny said...

What a sweet post! And I actually know how that is. I had a friend who lost 60 pounds, got to a healthy weight and looked really great. He started his weight loss efforts about three or four months after I met him. He lost the weight fairly quickly and started looking really good. But what I noticed as he was losing the weight was I didn't remember how big he was before. His weight wasn't something I paid much attention to, and he also had to show me a picture for me to remember how big he had been before.

Anonymous said...

Love it. My dh never saw it either. He always just thought I needed to lose " a couple" of pounds. And only then bc I wanted to.

You made me tear up too

~~misty

myformerlife said...

I've been reading your blog for a while now, but this post made me want to let you know I'm here. Thank you for sharing this! What an awesome story.

Robin said...

omg...this made me cry too!