Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Fitting, and I Ate Cheesecake

I've noticed lately that I have this really unrealistic sense of how big (or small) I am. My body awareness is just not meshing with reality yet, just as it didn't when I was a size 26. I think I told the story before of how, several years ago, I was walking through a party store with a man I was dating and the aisles were quite narrow. I *thought* I could easily make it through a particular space, but instead, was horrified when my hip caught the edge of a glass shelf full of party favors and it came crashing down and shattered at my feet. I was horrified when everyone came rushing over to see what had happened. Yeah, it was just my hip... that's all. Sorry! I was totally shocked that I was wider than I thought I was. And I also used to accidentally bump parts of me into people, grocery carts, and end-of-the-aisle displays in stores because I did not have the body sense to know how far out my hips, arms, and legs really extended.

Now it is in reverse. I look at the space between my car and someone else's car who parked very close to mine and I think, there is NO WAY I can get into my car now! But I try... I open my car door just a few inches, I turn sideways, and I fit. I fit into some ridiculously small looking gap of space and I wonder how I did it. Same thing with the pants the other day. I look at the size of them and my brain tells me I absolutely will not fit into those pants, but I do. It is a surprise every single time. I guess eventually I'll get used to it.

Yesterday, I needed to go into the garage. My teen son was sitting in an office chair and was blocking my path because he was scooted all the way back, close to my exercise bike.

"Please scoot your chair up."
He looks at me. "Why?"
"Because I need to get by!"
He turns around, looks at the space between the chair and the bike and says, "Mom! There is plenty of room there!"
Annoyed, I say "No there isn't! Just scoot up already!"
He looks truly confused. Frustrated, I roll my eyes and proceed to SQUEEZE through the space to the garage. Only, I don't have to squeeze. There is plenty of room on both sides of me as I go through, with at least an inch to spare on either side. When I go back through, my son is laughing.
"Mom! Why did you think you wouldn't fit through that space?"
He is incredulous! Isn't it obvious I would fit? PLENTY of room! "Mom! You are not that big!"
He smiles, I laugh.
I look at the space and think, gee, that is crazy!
But let me tell you, it feels pretty good to fit.

The other day I mentioned that I made a birthday cake for my son: New York Cheesecake. That is *not* on plan for me, but I love, adore, pine for cheesecake. And boy is my cheesecake good! So, I decided to make myself a miniature, low carb, sugar free cheesecake to enjoy with everyone else. It turned out GREAT! Here is what I did:

In a bowl, mix:
2 oz. room temperature (soft) Philadelphia cream cheese (regular, not low fat)
1 Tbsp Egg Beaters
1/2 Tbsp half & half
few drops of vanilla extract
1 1/2 packets of Splenda

When this was perfectly smooth, I scraped it into a little glass custard cup and baked it in my toaster oven at 320 degrees (300 would work but mine has a 320 setting) for oh, about 20 minutes. It should look pretty much solid, not runny, but NOT very brown at all... maybe a little on the edges. Then turn off the toaster oven and leave it in there until the oven cools. It might crack, that is okay. Then take it out, cover and refrigerate. Chill several hours.

Boy, was that GOOD! I mean, wow. It was like real cheesecake. I even licked the spatula and bowl and the batter was amazing. It felt so good, because I had refrained from any licks or tastes when I made the big cheesecake and stared longingly at the batter as I washed the remnants down the drain. So having guilt-free licks AND a nice little dish of cheesecake with the family for my boy's birthday was just great!

How I fit it into my plan: 1 Tbsp cream cheese can be counted as a fat or a condiment. So I ate from the leanest proteins (egg beaters) for dinner, which allowed me to use 2T cream cheese as fat. The rest was all condiments (allowed 3 per day). It was slightly higher in fat than I usually eat, but it was, in fact, *worth it!* I have been 100% on plan all month, and having this bit of heaven was a real treat. *I did have some lean pork sirloin stir fry as well, which was FANTASTIC, but chose the main portion of my lean as a cup of Egg Beaters with veggies.

Scale is hovering between 180 and 181 today. Looking for a new decade soon!


Casey said...

What a great feeling to be smaller than you think!! You are such an inspiration. I share your story with my friends and family so that they can see how far determination and consistency go in reaching amazing goals. You're unbelievable.

Becky Perry said...

What a victory for you!! I am so proud of you and I don't even know you, LOL! I must be hormonal - but I can imagine how that must feel. I'm still working on it myself.

And your mini-cheesecake sounds awesome. I have a good mind to make myself one and figure out the points!

Helen said...

Isn't it strange how it takes our brains sooooo long to catch up? I honestly think that's one of the reasons that people easily gain weight back.

What a great idea you had for your personal cheesecake. Mmmmmmm I love cheescake.

K. said...

That is a wonderful accomplishment! Good job girl! Your brain will catch up eventually! K.

Lanie Painie said...

Sounds great!

Leslie said...

The cheesecake recipe is printing as I type. Your recipes are always good, Lyn.

Can't wait for the latest batch of "Skinny Lyn" pics!

fcornelius said...

I love cheesecake too and was in the grocery aisle yesterday trying to resist temptation... and I did. Will give your recipe a try. Thanks.

Lori said...

I was reading a book where Pamela Peake (BFL) was saying that for every 25 pounds you lose, it takes 1 year to adjust.

I find that after 2 years of maintaining 100+ pound loss, I am still having trouble seein my true size - although it is getting better.

Here's to a new decade!

Anonymous said...

All around the globe sales for cream cheese just skyrocketed!

Thanks for the recipe!

Kelly L said...

Love your willpower.... Here's to a new decade!

Love to you -and I love love cheesecake.

I've Become My Mother

Mind Over Fatter said...

what great problem to have, not realizing how much smaller you are than you think... I can't wait! I love your blog, one of my favs!!!

Anonymous said...

Lyn you are awesome and such an inspiration to me. You are at exactly where I want to be, and I have 125 lbs to get there. You make me 'see' what I'll look and feel like at that weight, and the feeling is GOOD!
I love your cheesecake, going to make one for myself. This time of year is so tough for me. My birthday is the day after Halloween, which has always meant a 2 day carb/sugar/alcohol fest, no matter how 'good'I've been. And that triggers my loss of control and then it's all downhill from there. But this year, I'm thinking ahead. I'm making a low carb/sugar free cake for myself and a low carb pizza. No champs for me this year, and no chocolate candy for the kiddies. Maybe this is the time I really don't let anything get in my way. Thank you for your bravery and honesty. You've really made me look at myself in a different way.

Ness said...

OMG, that's happening to me! Getting out of the car space (our spaces are so narrow) I got out easily!!
I also went shopping for clothes (my old ones are falling off me) and had to get 2 sizes smaller than i'd picked.
It's an interesting problem to have, hey? It's good, but difficult. I read the comments 1 year per 25 pounds!! I'll be over 40 before I'm used to this!! Holy Moly!! :-)

Tricia said...

Thanks for sharing your stories. They really are inspiring. I once lost 85 pounds but gained back 40. That's where I am today - getting back on track and love having someone to lean on.

Lori said...

Every weight loss winner seems to go through the 'brain-needs-to-catch-up-with-the-body" phase. Same for me with my 70 lbs loss. it took me a year to figure out I could shimmy through small spaces. When I pig out on occasion, I will be transported back to when I was severely obese and get down on myself thinking "I AM fat" and then I look at my flat stomach and realize, 'oh you fell off the wagon, but all is not lost! Quit over-eating before the weight comes back on!"

You go girl - keep fighting...