Thursday, September 23, 2010

Random Thoughts

The last couple of days I have noticed that my energy level is dropping and it is getting harder to get up in the morning. I realized that I am seeing the very beginnings of the Seasonal Affective Disorder I have suffered from each winter for the last several years. It's crazy, because years ago I just figured "hey, it's winter, time to hibernate and eat!" and I let myself load up on tons of starchy, carby, fatty foods as if I were a bear getting ready for the winter slumber. I didn't notice an energy drop, per se, because I was 278 pounds and had no energy to begin with. But lately I have paid more attention to my body. For the last 2 years I actually noticed the dramatic increase in tiredness and sluggishness around December, and started using my Day-Light Light Box every morning for 20 minutes as I ate breakfast. It helped a lot! Last year I also started taking plenty of vitamin D3 which also improved my mood and energy levels (and then my doctor confirmed that AFTER I had taken 1200 I.U. D3 all winter I was still "borderline" deficient and to keep taking some D3!).

This year, I am more in tune with my body than I have ever been, and I noticed the slight drop in energy and desire to eat more just this last week as the sunrise got later and later. It's been really hard to wake up. I had cut back to 400 I.U. of D3 over the summer but now I am going back to 1200. I also ordered something new: a BioBrite Sunrise Clock. I have a friend who has one of these and LOVES it. You set the alarm (sound, or sunrise mode only) and then in the morning it just gradually turns on, brightening your bedroom over a half hour or an hour so that your body wakes up naturally like a real sunrise. I had wanted to order one for awhile but it's a little pricey... but I think I need this, this year. I had become a morning person and was waking up with the sun (even at 6!) in a decent mood, and now I am snoring away in bed *really* late. I think a fake sunrise in my bedroom will help me wake up more naturally and maybe even help prevent the SAD from getting bad this year. We'll see... it hasn't come in the mail yet but I can hardly wait to try it!

This morning it was chilly, so I pulled out some jeans and a long sleeved shirt. I have been wearing shorts, capris and tees all summer and the last time I wore long sleeves I weighed well over 200 pounds... more like 210. Over the summer I cleared out all the XL tops but I had a bunch of nearly new size L long sleeved tops I'd purchased but never wore, because they were too snug. Way too snug. I do wear mediums now so wasn't sure how the L's would fit. Well, I grabbed a nice dark 3/4 length shirt this morning, threw it on with some black jeans, and when I looked in the mirror I went, "Oh, wow! Just wow!" I could not believe how good I looked! Way better than in shorts and tees!

I went on about my business and when I took my daughter to her gymnastics class I went to the bathroom, and after I washed my hands I caught myself in the large mirror as I turned to go. I almost cried. Honest. I put my hand over my mouth and got tears in my eyes, because I look like a NORMAL PERSON. I know, I know, it is silly and ridiculous but I just did NOT see what I used to see. I saw a really normal sized looking person with a nice waist and butt and everything! Even my belly looked pretty decent. I don't know when I will get used to seeing myself in mirrors, but I was truly touched. It just seems like a dream sometimes!

I've been working *very* hard sorting and decluttering to make an exercise room for myself. I have given away and sold so many things that I thought I HAD to hang on to, and I feel so much lighter without it. Now I know where the really important stuff is, and I have uncovered things that are true treasures... like an old photo album of my father when he was young, and the cute little notes my boys wrote to me when they were little. All of it was hidden before, stuck under tubs of old clothes, books, and random junk. Now I just have what I care about and have room for important things. Like an exercise room! We actually cleared the floor and brought in all the pieces from my weight system from the garage. It's old and dusty and needs a good cleaning, and we have no idea how to put it back together, but I am working on getting a manual for it so we can get it working. It's a nice, two-station thingy with big weight block doohickies that you lift with wire thingsmajiggers. You know what I mean :) I purchased it with student loan money way back in, oh, I want to say 2002. I was intent on getting fit. I had someone set it up in the family room for me. I used it a few times. I was feeling so buff. Ha, one time I was talking to a guy online who was 'interested' in me (yes I was single) and he asked how much I could leg press, and I proudly bragged "250 pounds!" And he, being a fitness buff, exclaimed, "WOW! You are really strong! Most people just starting can only leg press as much as they weigh!" Um.... yeah.... about that.....

So I used it a few times, then let it sit gathering dust for a year, then dismantled it to rip the orange shag carpet out of the family room because some ridiculous boyfriend's cat that I was catsitting for him was in fact NOT litter box trained like he TOLD me it was... and orange shag carpet + cat urine does not bode well for the family nor the relationship (the cat was, in fact, TOILET trained when he adopted it... would flush and everything... but he thought that was "gross" so he kept the toilet lid shut and HOPED that cat would use a box. FAIL!!!) So yeah, we tore up the carpet and moved the weights to the garage and it has sat there in pieces ever since. I am really excited to get it together and start using it again! For real this time. And my exercise bike is now also in that new exercise room, along with an old TV so I can bike and not be terribly bored this winter. So I am making progress on the exercise room, and it should be done within a week (if I can find a manual on how to set up this machine).

That's all for now! Have a great weekend!

23 comments:

Anonymous said...

Lynn,
That clock sounds awesome! I am going to check it out. I also get a little sad when the seasons even when we go from winter to spring for some reason. It sounds like you are making great progress with your exercise room. I have been collecting a few weights and videos here and there so soon I will be using them because we are getting into the rainy season here in Italy. I also wanted to let you know about this way of eating I just discovered. I'm sure you've already heard of it but thought it might help you when you transition off of medifast. It is the Eat clean diet by Tosca Reno. If you haven't heard of it then you can look her up online. I've been having great progress with the recipes in her cookbook and some of them my kids like! It is so hard to get kids to eat healthy lol. Well have a great day!!

Sarah L.
sarah_lownsbery(at)yahoo(dot)com

Lanie Painie said...

Sounds like you are really kickin it in all kinds of departments Lynn. I'm so proud of you and happy for you! Keep it rockin'!

Shane G. said...

Lyn, I so relate to your mirror experience. YOu go girl. I know we don't "know" each other but I am so proud of you! You have done a tremendous job in this weight loss journey. You are one of my favorites to follow! Congrats on the new found wardrobe and the cleaning out of stuff you were done with. Great great achievements!

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Tammy said...

It's so nice to hear you sounding so good. I love that catching your image in the mirror caused a tear or two...that's just awesome. :)

A woman in transition... said...

I'm going to check out that clock...sounds like something I could use. I'm always deficient on D...not sure why. I take a supplement and eat plenty of D-filled foods, but it doesn't help much. Maybe it's a weight thing?

I can't wait to look in the mirror and see someone normal instead of someone who's close to 250. You're giving me hope here!

Kurzweil - MF Boards said...

You're going to love that clock. I have something similar that hooks up to an existing lamp and makes it into a sunrise (or sunset!) and it is hugely helpful in waking up in the winter.

Steelers6 said...

Good job on the decluttering. I am encouraged by you in that dept. I need to do the same..

And wahoo about your fitness room! That is exciting.

I had to chuckle about the leg presses and the online convo. haha.

Happy weekend, Chrissy

The Captain's Daughter said...

Go on-line, google the make/model of your weight machine and download the PDF file for the manual. :)

The clock looks great - I have one and it works! I know you'll love it. I like mine because I love to wake to the sounds of nature!

Congratulations on how you look and especially about how you feel about yourself! You deserve every bit of this success!

Tristessa I said...

I really enjoy reading this blog but my hackles went up when I read "look like a normal person". What is a normal person supposed to look like? I'm trying very hard to work with my daughter on body image and accepting her big nose and big feet. Know what I mean?

icannotweight said...

What size are your pants now? I'm 170lbs and I wear a size large for tops unless they run really big (and if they run small I wear a size XL still in a few brands). I'm jealous! Even at my current weight my belly is pretty prominent. I'm 5'7" (ish) so it's not like I'm short!

Lyn said...

Tristessa~

I have blogged extensively about acceptance and differences, and I too have some children who are not exactly average in various ways.

I think if you've ever been morbidly obese and gotten used to seeing the almost deformed, puffy self in the mirror and being emotionally hurt by it, you'd understand the desire to just blend in and be "normal." I am of course still very overweight, but I no longer draw negative attention and I pretty much can go anywhere, fit anywhere, and look like your average mom. THAT is a major victory and a blessing to me... to no longer stand out because of my weight.

Icannotweight~

I really need to go through my jeans and see what fits now! I can wear 16's but most of them are kind of baggy. I can fit into 14's but last time I wore my 14 jeans (May? June?) they were a bit too snug for all-day wear. I bet they'll fit me fine now.

The belly is pretty bad with no clothes, but throw on some reasonably tight jeans to hold it in and I really look decent! I am 5'6. Most of my weight is in my thighs right now.

Lisa said...

Sounds like an awesome mirror moment. :)

Shelley said...

Very, very cool on the new clothes and how you look and feel in them - one of these days you should do a Fashion Friday!

-J.Darling said...

Hi Lynn!
Believe it or not, it took me 26 years and 1 ex-husband to truly believe I am beautiful. Not in a "vain" way (which I always thought was what it ment to take pride in your apperance), but in a "So this is what OTHER people see" kinda way. And ya know what I've discovered?

I look better smiling. I look better rested. I look better when I feel fit. I look better when I drink enough water. I look better when I'm ENGAGED in life rather than a spectator.

-J.Darling said...

BTW - I HATE the thigh weight! It's the last to go.

It's been hangin' in there on me for YEARS, but I'm shedding it through toning. :)

screwdestiny said...

That's so great that you're really happy with what you're seeing in the mirror! It's kind of a wonderful feeling to change so drastically (in a good way) that it surprises you. :)

icannotweight said...

ahh, I am oddly distributed but I'm more hourglass than any other shape, with a larger lower belly. It's so strange how different bodies can be isn't it?

Becky said...

I can totally relate with your mirror moment, too!!! I lost about 95 pounds myself, and I STILL check myself out in window fronts when I'm walking down the street. People must think I'm crazy, but I can't help how much I love the way I look! Live it up, Lynn, and enjoy it!!

kathy said...

Lyn,
I loved this post today, I've been following your blog for a while, and it so moved me when you said you looked in the mirror and saw a normal person. :) Thanks for inspiring me through your blog, it may sound like just words, but really and truly, you are a true inspiration to me and motivate me to make me believe that it is possible to overcome overeating. Thank you so much. :)

best wishes, k

Fiona said...

Hi I have the clock and the light and this is the first winter I have been using them. I have to be up at 5:30am for work so I set my clock for 5am then once it has woken me up I go back to sleep until the regular alarm at 5:30. I find this lets me wake up gradually rather than the abrupt yank from deep sleep that I usually get in the winter. It seems to be working so far. And I also have my bright box on while I get ready in the morning. Thanks for the tip about D3 though, I will give it a try.
You look amazing by the way.

I Will Lay Down My Idols said...

Awesome! Funny you should mention about your morning light - I just hauled mine out this week also. I began to feel like it was time :( . I'd love one of those sunrise clocks - have looked at them but that's it so far. My light has helped me soooooooooooo much!
Congrats on the "new you" -- I know what you mean about looking "normal".
D

CathyB said...

Love, Love, LOVE the Mirror Moment. I can't wait for mine!!! :-)