Sunday, August 22, 2010

Weigh-In, and Seeing the Real Me

This morning I weighed in at 187 pounds: a new low! I am pretty happy with that. I didn't weigh last week because I was on vacation, but 2 weeks ago I weighed 188. So that is a 1 pound loss for 2 weeks... slow, but considering that 10 out of the last 14 days were on vacation, I am satisfied that the scale went down instead of up! That's 4 pounds so far in August. Might not seem like much, but when I remember the weeks and months and almost 2 years of not losing *anything* even while working hard at it, I feel pretty blessed that I have found something that is working for me to consistently see a loss every month. I have lost 7 pounds every month for the last 4 months, and 15 pounds when I started Medifast in March. It is adding up. Consistency is the key! Even a pound a week over a year is 52 pounds gone off your body, so hang tough. It's worth it!

I saw something interesting in the mirror the other day. I saw the girl I was at 19 years old, back in college, with the long curly hair and the pretty blue eyes. Back when I got over about 230 pounds, my face seemed deformed to me... distorted by the extra fat hanging under my jawbone and cheekbones so that when I smiled I got this weird crease between my fat cheeks and my chin. I hated it when I saw that in pictures... I was like, "what is UP with my face???" It was so puffy and altered to the point that people who used to know me might not recognise me right away. So round, red, spotted with acne from the sugary greasy diet I was consuming. I couldn't find the bones that defined my face.

It's funny, but even though I am 40-something pounds heavier than I was in college, my face finally looks the same again. I see what I wanted to see all this time. Fairly clear skin, bright eyes, cheekbones and a chin without a bunch of hanging, puffy flesh all around the bones. The U-shaped line is gone when I smile. Yeah, I am 22 years older, and I see some fine wrinkles. I am obviously not 19 anymore. But when I look in the mirror now, I see ME. It is so good to recognise myself again.

My body is a different story. Some parts of me are so much bigger than they were at 187 pounds going UP the scale... my thighs and upper arms still look like they belong to someone who is quite obese. I do not have the firm skin I had before, so things droop a bit more than they used to. I guess my weight is distributed a lot differently now: not much in my face/neck/shoulders and waist, but a lot in the lower belly, thighs and upper arms. Parts of me look 150 pounds, parts look 230 pounds, and the parts in between look deflated. And I am okay with that. I think it is important to make these observations for my own mental health. If you avoid the mirror, or pretend you look like something you don't, you are going to be freaked out or disappointed someday when it dawns on you what has happened to your body. So stay aware.

At any rate, yesterday I dug out a couple of shirts I'd gotten a loooong time ago. One is olive green with pink flowers on it... a simple tee with a curvy cut to the waist. I got it for free from a website targeted to teenagers, and when it came in the mail I held it up and thought, ah, this is never, ever going to fit, even if I get thin. It looks tiny. My own young teen sons wouldn't even fit into something that small. But I folded it and put it away, because it was pretty and maybe I'd make something out of it or give it to some teen girl someday. Yesterday, I found it. I held it up. Still looks awfully skinny but I thought I'd see... could I get it on?

I got it on. It is body hugging but it FITS, and when I looked in the mirror I exclaimed "oh my gosh! holy crap!" over and over. I turned away, looked again, exclaimed some more. I am just in shock at how thin my waist looks... how curvy and sexy my body has become. I would NOT wear this shirt in front of anyone right now because I think it would be kind of attention-drawing (I mean, holy crap!) but wow. Maybe I will wear it for pictures on my blog someday :) I cannot believe it fits me. I just can't!

Only two more pounds to lose, and I will have an 'overweight' BMI rather than an 'obese' one. I will have finally, truly, escaped from obesity.


*FTC-required disclosure: Medifast provided me with its products for my personal use for free. Medifast states an "average weight loss of up to 2 to 5 pounds a week."*

31 comments:

Annabel @ www.FeedMeImCranky.com said...

Congratulations, Lyn! I am happy you're happy :)

Alan (Pounds Off Playoff) said...

Two more pounds for your "escape"...that's great! It must have been very satisfying to see your college self in that mirror.

skinnyhollie said...

Lyn, thanks for your constant inspiration. I was looking through your pictures last week, and it is one of the reasons I decided to try again... you never gave up, even after struggling for so long. And look at you now!

I am so proud of you, Lyn. I hope to finally "get it" one day, too!

Anonymous said...

"Only two more pounds to lose, and I will have an 'overweight' BMI rather than an 'obese' one. I will have finally, truly, escaped from obesity."

Awesome! Awesome! Awesome!

I am so pleased for you.

WebRover

oh_mg said...

Only two more pounds! That is fantastic! I'm so happy for you! :)

Floriana said...

I am still working to shake off the word morbid out of my BMI. Getting rid of obesity all together sounds amazing. You are so close. Go, Lyn!

Mom to the Fourth Power said...

That is so awesome that shirt fits you! How exciting. I'm so happy for you to "escape from Obesity" and I'm following right behind ya girl! Way to go!!

~Margene

Mrs. Thighs said...

Congrats on being able to get into the tiny shirt and for almost leaving your obesity behind. You are doing a wonderful job!

Baby Stepping said...

So glad you got a sweet surprise when you tried on that shirt!!! Good job on your new number - especially after a vacation!

Hugs,
Mary

Anonymous said...

It's such a joy to see you celebrate your weight loss!
And it's such a joy, in a different way, to see you face up, hang in, learn and grow, when the numbers don't go down.
Your determination, your 'no failure, only learning' attitude is an inspiration for me, and I thank you again!

Marie

Lanie Painie said...

That's so cool! I feel like "overweight" is a dream destination!

CONGRATULATIONS!

Steelers6 said...

Yay for a new all time low! You kind of predicted this one..

I'll be watching for the next "the" shirt photo on this blog!! Tiny Lyn + olive shirt w/pink flowers. Coming soon to a blog near you.

Blessings, Chrissy

ps-haha my word verif is "bless"

Alexia said...

yup, as i gained weight it got to the point where i'd look in the mirror and i could barely recognize myself. fat steals our beauty.

congrats on the loss!

Brandi said...

Come on, Lyn, show me the money! Or ... um ... the shirt. Take a pic, please?

Fit B said...

Congrats!!!!!! I bet it must be such a rewarding feeling to know that you will be escaping obesity! Keep up the awesome work

Christina said...

Congrats on getting that cute shirt on! That must have felt so amazing! Happy for you!

screwdestiny said...

That's great, Lyn! You should totally rock that shirt. Since when is drawing attention a bad thing?

Becky said...

Congrats, Lyn! I exactly know that feeling to look at a piece of clothing with doubt and the shock of it actually fitting! That feeling? That's the feeling of hard work and determination paying off. :)

yomama said...

Amazing weight loss! Congratulations and I will keep watching for inspiration.

Taryl said...

That has to be the best feeling in the world, to physically find yourself again, so to speak. I can't wait to see you rock that awesome shirt!

Anonymous said...

Congrats on your loss this week Lyn.
With regard to the shirt, you have a lovely body shape and I'd suggest that you always try to wear things that show off your waist,you have one girl so flaunt it!

Lynne said...

I love that you are seeing *you*... There is the person we THINK we'll be when we lose all the weight, and then it's scary (?) disappointing (?) I don't know, but it's not that pre-fat girl... You are SO real, and so thoughtful about truly experiencing this journey... It gives me a lot to consider as I think about what *thin* will be for me...

lynna said...

Yesterday,before reading this post, I had been sitting in my car and I got a glimpse of myself in the rearview mirror, and I sat there for about 10 minutes gazing at the face I once had that i thought was lost to getting older. I didn't realize that it was the weight that had been distorting my face. All this is to say, I get what you said here and have experienced similar joy, surprise and awe that the 19 year-old me, the face that I know to be mine, is reappearing.Sooo invigorating to become me again!

The olive shirt photo will be a gift to your readers. Today? :)

Christine said...

Congrats on your non-scale victory with the shirt! That's wonderful! Keep up the great work!!

NewGilmoreGirl said...

Yay! I'm so proud of you for all that you have accomplished. Almost out of "obesity" and into "overweight". That is an amazing feeling!! I hit that goal a couple of months ago and am now anxiously awaiting to be out of "overweight". :-) We can do this!!!

Alfred Tran said...

Great job take all the pounds you can get off! I've lost 70 pounds my self in 5 months!
-Alfred Tran

Vee said...

That is great! I love how you tried that on and it totally fit. Ok, it might seem a little snug but still, you got it on, and by time you get to 100 pounds lost, you should fit in it AND go out in it AND take a picture in it!

Vee at http://veegettinghealthy.blogspot.com

Hope said...

Yay! It's always fun to fit into smaller clothes. I know how you feel when it comes to parts of your body looking slightly alien. I always feel like my upper arms are huge compared to the rest of my body, as well as my thighs. But, when I think about it, I'm glad that I have arms and thighs, even if they aren't perfect. :)

Fat Grump said...

I am beaming here Lyn!

You have Escaped From Obesity! That is just wonderful and I am so happy for you! Now, don't go changing the name of your blog!

Congratulations! What a stirling effort! (I am jealous of your waist :))

spunkysuzi said...

I love surprises in the mirror!! Congratulations

Deanna - The Unnatural Mother said...

Here's to an overweight BMI, I know that afeeling!! Congrats onyour success!!!!!