Sunday, August 29, 2010

Tough Weigh-In

This is a post I almost swept under the carpet with a shrug and a "I don't feel like posting today, I think I'll skip a weigh in post this week." But I always try to be true to myself AND transparent. The day I start hiding things from this blog is the day I start heading back to hiding everything else, like my feelings and my binges, and that leads back to 278 pounds. So I won't go there.

This post, which is already in my head and oozing out my fingers right now, feels eerily similar to the posts I wrote in the old days when I was doing a lot of gain/lose/gain stuff with no overall loss. Even though things are different now, I feel the similarity and I don't like it. Yes, you guessed it right, I gained weight this week. I gained in a scary way, *without* a binge. In 3 days, I have gained 7 pounds.

I have always shared how easily I can gain weight. Even when I was calorie counting or doing something NOT low carb, I could gain weight so fast it was hard to believe. I have gained 40 pounds in 3 months. I have on a separate occasion gained 80 pounds in something like 10 months. When I'd binge, watch out... 11 pounds in a week has happened right here on my blog.

There are three reactions I *always* get via comments and email when I post a gain like that.
1) Oh my gosh, I am so sad/disappointed/upset! Stop messing around! (This is a process. Let it be.)
2) That is not REAL weight. It takes X calories to gain Y pounds, and you didn't eat that much so it can't be REAL weight. (Yes, actually, even water retention is REAL weight. Ask my knees. But I am well aware it is not all FAT I gained. Doesn't matter. Lots of people "not real weight" themselves back up the scale 100 pounds).
3) You messed up, just get back to work and keep going! You can do it!

Thank you for the #3's! That is the approach I am taking.

In fact, I decided that it's time to get out of my head for awhile. Maybe you know what I mean. Sometimes, I get so wrapped up in the "how am I feeling/why am I gaining/what's the emotion behind this" that the actual details of my eating get ignored. Now, I am a HUGE fan of self-examination and awareness. I did not lose this weight by ignoring my feelings; that's not what I'm talking about. But sometimes I just get so wrapped up in my own thoughts that I lose focus. I think it's time for a focus on action, on getting this last 30 or so pounds off so I can be done with Medifast and get back to my oatmeal with walnuts and pumpkin. I am very thankful for all I have learned and am learning with Medifast; it has been absolutely invaluable in my weight loss efforts. It came along at the right time for me and has helped me stop a lot of destructive behavior in regards to my eating. I am hoping it will help me peel off the last chunk of weight and transition back to a totally whole foods way of eating. In order to do that, I have to stick to the plan, as written. It takes discipline and determination, and I am ready to do this.

My goals from now until Christmas are:

1. Stick to the plan tenaciously, which means, eat my 5 Medifast meals and my Lean & Green meal daily. Measure my protein (chicken, beef, fish, eggs, tofu, etc), my vegetables (fresh local stuff when I can... 1.5 cups per day or 3 cups of salad greens) and my healthy fats (olive oil, olives, etc) as well as any condiments I use (staying at 3 or less) and having the optional snack only when I really need it.

2. Get the exercise room set up within 3 weeks AND start using it. By December I hope to be biking 6 days a week and have a strength training routine in place. I will continue walking outside until it gets too cold for my comfort. I do plan to walk my daughter to Kindergarten every day (a mile round trip).

3. Get that water in, as well as green tea. I want to cut the sodas out. I have been using the diet sodas as a crutch and I want to quit that (they are Diet Rite, no calories, no caffeine, no sodium, but I want them gone).

4. Declutter my house and my life. My *stuff* has been dragging me down. I have been in this house for 14 years now and I need to clean out some space. This will be my project while my daughter is at school: declutter and reorganize.

5. No more off plan days. Yes, it's nice to have a cornbread muffin here and an ice cream cone there, but more than the food I want this weight gone and the weight loss phase of my life to be OVER. I am ready for a new phase: maintenance.

My goal is to weigh 156 pounds by January 1. I have no idea if that will be too heavy, too thin, or just right for my body. It's hard to set a goal when you've been obese for so long. I have not weighed in the 150's for 20 years. I know I felt like I was "fat" at 160 pounds on the way UP the scale, but felt thin (but flabby) at 168 on the way down. I think when I get there I will know whether I need to keep losing or not, but the general ballpark I am aiming for is 140-160 pounds.

See you there.

*FTC-required disclosure: Medifast provided me with its products for my personal use for free. Medifast states an "average weight loss of up to 2 to 5 pounds a week."*
Use coupon code LYNESC50 for $50 off your Medifast order of $275 through 8/31/10.


Anonymous said...

"Lots of people 'not real weight' themselves back up the scale 100 pounds."


I did that. It took a few years, but it was soooooo easy it's scary. Creepy scary. :)

Thanks for a great post. I've lost 68 pounds this year and never want to lose those again. Ever.

Go Lyn!


Jaclyn said...

I rarely comment, but I read faithfully. I just wanted you to know you've got one more cheerleader you mightn't have known about. :)

It's beautiful to see you be so real about your setbacks, and so *forgiving* with yourself! I know for me, beating myself up always ends up leading to a guilt-induced pig-out, and that doesn't help anybody.

I'm looking forward to watching you continue toward the 150s (and I look forward to jumping back on the weight-loss wagon after this baby is born!). :)

Dinah Soar said...

Granted water is weight, but when you are low carbing and eat a lot of carbs, your body must have water/fluid to metabolize those carbs. It's a given that the number on the scale will go up when you deviate. That part is no biggie.

You ate some 'eat once in awhile foods' at the fair. Perfectly reasonable.

The fair was one day. Now you are able to move on, not obsess, and focus on some other area of your life. That is HUGE.

You are dealing with your situation with honesty and integrity. You can't help but succeed.

Forty Pound Sack said...

Lyn, I wonder if you're having trouble hitting new milestones because something inside feels like you'll be losing more than weight. A while back you wrote about giving away your mom's sweater because it no longer fit. And then you wrote something similar last week about a sweater you found comfort wearing.
Honey, buy yourself a cedar chest and give yourself permission to keep a few thing that give you comfort. Who cares if they fit?
You have been an inspiration, every step of the way. Personally, I feel better about my own screw ups when I know I'm not the only one. Your honesty is very powerful. I'm cheering for you, and I know that you will make it.

Debbie said...

I have gained as much as 7 lbs in a week before. Stupid eating was my problem. I agree with your #3 get over it get back on track and do this. Your blog is one of the most motivating ones that I read. You have come so far and you can reach your goals by December. You did give me a good idea about cleaning out some of my junk though. Have a good day.

Alan (Pounds Off Playoff) said...

I have complete confidence you'll make your goal. When I have a setback, I look back to what worked and get back on the horse. (At least that's what I do that works! I can't say I always have.)

Polar's Mom said...

Alright, bad weigh-in for both of us this week, and it sucks. But it is over, it's a new week, high-five on 'moving on and getting moving' and making new strides. Skinny awaits...

screwdestiny said...

Okay, you were so perfect on this plan for so long, you were bound to have a less-than-perfect week eventually. I was just amazed at how long you stuck to it without slipping up!

Your plan through the end of the year looks great. I especially like the part about decluttering--I think you'll find that when you're not being annoyed with the state your house is in then it'll be just a little bit easier for you to get that weight off. Also, that's great that you'll be cutting out diet soda. Even though it doesn't have calories, it can negatively affect the thyroid, making it harder for you to lose weight. We'll all be rooting for you to hit your goal. You can do it, Lyn!

Anonymous said...

I really enjoy your blog. You openness and honesty are very helpful to my own journey. I am trying hard right now, but also struggling and this post came a good time for me. I'm glad you posted even though you were not sure you wanted to.

~~a new reader.

Diana said...

You have the right attitude Lyn. You did mess up, but we all mess us sometimes. It's called being human and making mistakes. If you were perfect 100% of the time, you wouldn't be normal (nor as likeable as you are now, flaws and all).

Great goals for the coming months. Sounds like we both have the same goal weight for Jan. 1. I want to get to 155, twenty pounds to lose. I was there a few months ago and it's a comfortable weight. I'm also 5' 6".

And just like you, I can gain weight like people wouldn't believe. Seven pounds in three days is nothing for me. I've done it many times.

Hang in there Lyn, and stick with your goals. I can't wait to see your picture at 156.

Lucy said...

"I get so wrapped up in the "how am I feeling/why am I gaining/what's the emotion behind this" that the actual details of my eating get ignored."

Oh honey, me too. This really hit home with me.....

Lisa said...

Oh Lyn, I SO know how you are feeling right now. I wasn't going to get weighed for a few days because I was so scared of the number I'd see, but I did it and say a 7.5lb gain in 8 days... I considered not blogging but I needed to get it out so I've just posted myself as well.
We've just got back today from a week away and I've been totally off plan for the week, binging like I used to because I was unhappy for various reasons while we were away, and I even avoided exercising right from the start which is unlike me.
I've been having way too many days off plan this summer and that ends NOW. Tomorrow morning I am back on plan and staying there. Like you, I'm getting close to my original goal and I really want to be there by the end of the year. So I'd better get on it!

Anonymous said...

Hi Lyn, Can I see all your Medifast food reviews in one area?? Not sure if I'm just not seeing it on your blog.


p.s. How are the two people doing who won the free month supply?

Anonymous said...

Hah, I've kidded myself about no. 2 too many times. You're exactly right about no. 3. I can see you doing this and doing it well, again. If you overcome this hurdle, it will make you stronger and be a really good lesson for maintenance, too. Keep us updated, please, and a good next week to you!

Lynna said...

Reading through the comments, I was struck by the person who observed that you feel some pain at letting go of clothes that evoke memories or to which you are attached. An idea: Make a memory/comfort quilt out of pieces of them, and wrap up in it. There's more than one way to "wear" fabric and this might be a way to surround yourself with the familiar warmth while embracing the changes.

By the way, I have an idea for a ministry: A clothing bank where people can trade in their clothes as they lose weight. It will minimize the costs of numerous size changes and be a fun way to celebrate the losses and to derive satisfaction from donating clothes knowing they will be used as encouragement for another persons journey to find wellness. (I intentionally changed "Escape from Obesity" to the positive of "Finding Wellness". :)

Blubeari said...

I have faith in you. And you're an inspiration. That's all. :-)

spunkysuzi said...

You know me i can gain 5lb overnight! I think sometimes our brains tell us that just a little of this and a little of that won't hurt. Which may be true, unfortunately my brain sometimes just keeps saying it and that's when the weight goes up and up.
I have absolutely not doubt that you can and will get where you want to be by Christmas and i will be standing cheering you on :)

Anonymous said...

It sounds like you have a good plan, walking, decluttering (am working on that myself ;) ) What a smart idea to have a reasonable range for a weight goal. I'm sure you will refine it as you get closer and get an idea of what is right for you. Keep up the good work!

Anonymous said...

LOVE LOVE you. You have hit the nail on the head for me. I need to quit with my "days off" as well.

Anonymous said...

I know you'll get back on the horse. I have always wondered about the relation between obesity and clutter! Jo

Anonymous said...

Hey lyn,
I too gain weight far too easily and unfortunately the fat is desperatley stubborn to take off. I've only just started reading your blog and trying to diet once again and I find I throughly relate to what you say each day.
Sadly the past two days haven't been at all good diet wise and your post is frankly inspirational! It's exactly what I needed! Keep up the good work!!
Well done and thank you!!

Lyn said...

Anonymous (PKK)~

I don't have the reviews consolidated, but if you search for Medifast Reviews on my blog, the latter ones are linked to the earlier ones and there is one post that has 90% of the reviews linked in it.

The winners are doing well; you can read about it on their blogs by looking at the links in the winners post. I don't want to post details without their consent though.

LHA said...

Echoing what has been said by others, this does happen to all of us at times. You are brave to face it and deal with it, as well as share it on your blog. By doing this you are providing inspiration for many others.

The road to improving your health through weight loss is never an easy one. I have every confidence that you will be successful in all of your goals. There are lots and lots of us out here working toward our own goals and also rooting for you. I say let's all get going and have a great week this week!

Lori said...

I've gained 10 pounds this month. It is scary to see how quickly the pounds pile on. It seems like just a nibble here & there off plan, but for me, at least, it creates far more weight than just a nibble.

I need to lose a little more than 30 pounds also. I want to have it gone by January 1 too. I want 2011 to be the year of keeping it off.

We can do this - I know it.

Ms. PJ Geek said...

Hi Lyn, this is how I imagine fat cells. They look squeezed out and shrunk like little deflated balloons when we've lost weight. When we eat "naughty foods" high carb/ sugar /'s like the vacuum is turned on and everything / water especially gets sucked in .

Now that is completely non scientific and is just how I imagine it happens since I can gain 7 lbs in just a day or two of eating out-even good choices...

I like and relate to a lot of things on your list. good luck.

Anonymous said...

I can't imagine that much water fluctuation overnight, so I'm baffled by what's really going on there. In my experience with water weight, it IS "real weight" in the sense that a low-carb diet produces water loss but you'll be eating more carbs on maintenance and those carbs will put the water back on. You just need to account for that when you're losing weight, i.e. go past your long-term goal with the expectation of putting water weight back on.

Amy said...

Those are great goals!!!! I totally understand the "weight loss part of my life" comment. My desire was to losse the weight by the time I turned 30 - because I don't want to be obsessed with this the rest of my life!!! I don't want to be 50 and trying to loose the same 30+ pounds! I didn't make my goal because I got pregnant - but you've just reminded me of it - and maybe my goal will be to reach it by the time I'm 31. - yikes! 4 months away!!! I'll have to blog about this! Fee lfree to check out my blog! And thanks again for not hiding your weight gain. I often do. sigh....

Fit B said...

Hey Lyn,
Love your honesty on the blog this is what keeps me reasding everytime. It sounds like you have a good plan in place and I am confident that you will meet your goal. We will be here cheering for you along the way :)

Anonymous said...

@Ms. PJ Geek

I remember my high school biology teacher saying that when you first gain weight, new cells are created, but when you lose they only get emptied, not destroyed, and that's why it's easier to re-gain weight than to gain it in the first place: you only need to refill old cells, not create new ones. He was saying that the only way to have the fat cells completely removed is liposuction. I'm not saying to do that, just an fyi.

yomama said...

It is a new week. This week will be better.

Lanie Painie said...

I've been seeing that "not real weight" stuff in comments all over just recently. Every time I see it I think, "well, that person is obviously a moron!" My knees are my guide a well. They are pretty sensitive to it!

It's not a setback, it's a learning experience. Let's get back to moving in the right direction. We're going to win.

Sarah (Fat Little Legs) said...

And I'm gonna give you #4. I commiserate b/c my body is the exact same way. Last year I gained 6 pounds in less than a week on vacation, and I wasn't even eating out! No clue what else to tell you other than recognition of it is key, and once you know your body is that way, at least you are not surprised by it.

I love your goals. I can't wait to watch as you meet them over the next few months.

Anonymous said...

I just read a comment from a former classmate, male, on FB. He said he has lost 20 lbs in 17 days. Things like this depress me. I'm happy for him, but WHY is it men can lose so fast? For almost every woman I know we go up and we go down constantly. I know some of it is hormones, but come on now, really? It's taken me all year to lose 22 lbs and he loses it in less than 3 weeks. Sigh.

I too have heard about refilling the fat cells, which makes me think we will always be struggling and just have to recognize that and deal with it I guess.

Lyn, I know you are going to make your goal, no doubt in my mind.


Anonymous said...

I just want to give you a #3 type of comment "You messed up, just get back to work and keep going! You can do it!" :)

I have no doubt that you will do it. Sometimes you mess up, like we all do, but you don't give up. The only way you will fail is to quit trying. Thanks for sharing your journey with us!

Val said...

I KNEW there was a reason I surfed by here today - misery loves company ;-)?!?!?
I seem to be scared of the edge of my own plateau & gained 5 lbs in 8 days...
All you can do is pick yourself up & get back aboard.

Baby Stepping said...

I've often written on my blog about the connection between "Body Clutter" and "Stuff Clutter." For me they are absolutely related. If you want to know how I'm feeling, take a look at my house.

I have been so inspired with the way you bounce right back, ready to fight after a lapse. People need to see that "real" stuff going on, especially in people who have lost a lot of weight. It tells us that all is not lost when you fall. You just get back up. I can't tell you how many times I have been on the verge of a binge and thought of you and how you would handle it.


April said...

Lyn have I mentioned how similar our stories are(if you have a moment, read my last post)?! You seriously read my mind. we do what we gotta do, and that is getting rid of these last 30 pounds one way or the other.

coming to the realization that we "only" have 30 pounds left in of itself is crazy. ...i remember when i would hear people say "i need to lose 30 pounds" and i would think to myself, then DO IT! ...that's nothing compared to what i have to lose ....120 pounds! it is good knowing that i have the confidence, because if i can lose 85 pounds, you bet that i can lose 30 more!

i'm looking forward to maintaining with you in the new year!

Christine said...

I've been reading your blog for a few months now, but haven't commented until now. I wanted to let you know, though, that I really admire you and all that you've accomplished. I "decided" to lose the weight I need to lose back in February (after not really being serious about it and taking the necessary steps for a long time and watching the scale rise slowly but surely through four pregnancies/babies). I've lost about 27 pounds so far by counting calories and exercising and just being more conscious than ever before. I've hit a real plateau lately (right around 180 for about a month), and I'm having a really hard time figuring out how to get past it. I really identify with many of your posts about the emotional reasons for overeating and the crazy things attached to our feelings about food and about our weight. You've really helped me to think more deeply about some of these things as I've read your posts. And this post came just at the right time because I think that the reason I can't get past this plateau is partly that I've gotten lazy about counting my calories and have been "allowing" myself to have too many little indulgences (I'm eating healthily all the rest of the time, says the me who is trying to rationalize it). I also think that I'm a bit anxious about going down into the 170's (I haven't been there for a very long time) so I'm probably self-sabotaging a bit which you've also blogged about. At any rate, I wanted to share with you that you are an inspiration to me and that I wish you all the best in your renewed commitment to losing weight. You seem to be a wonderful mom, and your kids are lucky that you are their mother and that you are taking care of yourself this way.

Best wishes,

Michele said...

Get right back in the saddle. That’s what I say when you hit a WI like you had. You have already done it and many times on this blog.

amy_joy81 said...

Hang in there. I am just getting over the same type of thing. I lost 50lbs last year, then maintained until March when I had a complete breakdown. Between then and now I have gained 40lbs. But I am finally back on track. I had many moments when I said "I'm done" but never really meant it. But then a couple weeks ago I realized I'm sick of eating crap, sick of being lazy - and SICK of being fat. So now I'm slowly getting back on track.

You can do it too. You've done amazing so far. You just have to let your head catch up with your heart.

Linda said...

Hi Lyn,

I can't tell you how many times I have not real weighted myself back up the scale 100 pounds or more. I am so glad that you looking at it for what this really is. You ate off plan, you gained a lot of weight like you always do when you go off plan to that degree, and now it's time to just do the next right thing to continue getting the weight off. You took an offramp on the dieting highway of life. The good news is just like that, you can reconnect and get back on highway to your true destination.

I have no doubt that you will be at your true destination. It's your destiny my friend!