I was reaaaaaaaaaaaally hoping to see 188 on the scale today! I am leaving on vacation Sunday, and I would LOVE to post "90 pounds gone" pictures and measurements before I go. But I was still 189 this morning. Maybe tomorrow! I can hardly wait. I really want it.
I continue to have moments where my head and body do not mesh. The other day, I went into a public bathroom and as I shut the door, I was turned sideways to a very large mirror. I caught a glimpse of myself and had to do a double take. I immediately thought, "I look normal!" I looked several times. I did not see a fat lady. It was so weird..
Then yesterday I was sitting on my bed reading a favorite book from my childhood... Island of the Blue Dolphins. I love that book. Our teacher read it to us everyday in third grade and had us lay our heads on our desks on folded arms with the lights dimmed so we could imagine the story. It became part of me. I used to spend hours on my own "island" under the big maple tree, hiding in the snowball bushes that were old and overgrown and hollow inside the branches, like caves. I'd hide my "food" and "treasures" in those caves, and then climb into the tree and watch for ships to come on the grassy green fields that were my imaginary oceans. I'd talk to my invisible dog and think about sailing away to a new world. But I digress (I love the book). I was sitting there on my bed with the book on my lap and my knees bent, and I looked down at my waist, belly, and legs and thought, "I look the same as I did at 278 pounds." I had to sit there and stare and try to remember if I used to be fatter. Of course I KNOW I was fatter... I was in size 26 jeans instead of 14's... but somehow, my brain kept telling me I looked exactly the same. So strange.
But overall I see myself as I am... thinner... more often than I see the shadows of my old self. Reality is setting in. I couldn't find my jean shorts the other day and went looking for them. I had mixed them up with my teenage son's jean shorts! And he isn't heavy at all! And sometimes, I hold up my (size M) shirts and think, "there is no way this will fit, it would be too tight" but I slip it on and it is perfect. I am pretty proud of myself!
Well, I will be heading out Sunday morning and I will be gone for over a week. I won't have Internet at the campgrounds but I may get online here and there if I find a computer with access. We do not take technology with us on vacation. I am going to set up some automatic posts so there will still be new stuff on the blog while I am gone, but I am turning on comment moderation because, well, some of the things people say just don't belong here! Plus all the spam... The comments will show up when I get home.
Anyway, when I get back I will have LOTS of experiences to share and pictures, too! I am taking the kids and the dog and we will be camping, hiking, beach combing, going to the zoo and aquarium, and hanging out in nature. I won't be around a scale til I get back. Would be nice to have some pounds gone when I return! So while I am not 188 quite YET... cross your fingers for tomorrow! Otherwise those 90 Gone pictures will have to wait til I get back :)
Half Sick of Shadows
2 hours ago