Thursday, August 26, 2010

A Conversation in a Restaurant

My little girl (emphasis on the 'little'... she is quite thin) has always loved Indian food. Even as a baby, she goo gooed and gaa gaaed her way through a dish of "chicken and rice" (chicken makhani) and gnawed piece after piece of naan bread. When she wouldn't eat anything else, she'd surely eat that! The Indian restaurant here has a lunch buffet that's pretty great, and I used to go with my daughter and husband about once a week and eat plate after plate of creamy curry over rice. Love the stuff. And the naan is to die for: fresh off the Tandoor, steaming hot, crispy and doughy with butter brushed over the top. I cannot even tell you how much food I used to pack away when we went there, but I would estimate that it was 4-5 full plates of creamy stuff on rice, a bowl of salad with dressing, a Mango drink, 8 large circles of naan, and 2 little desserts. After I started blogging and counting calories, I found that I was satisfied with 1-2 plates, focusing on curried veggies but always saving space for a piece of naan.

Today we ran errands. I took my daughter to her gymnastics class and we did some shopping. It was lunchtime and guess where we were? Near the Indian restaurant. My daughter wanted to go there for lunch. We haven't gone in months (maybe 2 times this year) so I said yes, and off we went. I figured I'd focus on salad and chicken. We sat down to eat, and it went like this:

Me: Mmmm, this chicken is so good. But oh the creamy sauce is rich and fantastic, I could eat it like soup!
Myself: Yeah, I guess it isn't too bad without any rice. But check out the fried pakoras!
Me: No thanks, that's off plan. I don't like fried stuff.
Myself: Don't like fried stuff?? Who are you trying to kid, lady?
Me: I don't need it. They never taste that good anyway.
Myself: Those fried donut balls in syrup always taste good!
Me: No sugar. Boy, am I enjoying this chicken! And the salad is fresh and crisp.
Myself: The dressing is off plan! I bet it is high in fat. May as well have a donut ball now.
Me: Nah, I didn't use much dressing, I will count it as a condiment, it's fine. Yum, these cucumbers are so good!
Myself: Look at that naan your daughter is eating. Boy that looks yummy.
Me: Yeah it does. But it's not fresh, it has sat on the buffet awhile. I only really like naan fresh.
Myself: So what? Dip it in the sauce.
Me: Nah.

(enjoyed eating in silence for awhile, getting full)

Myself: Dude! They JUST brought out steaming fresh, hot naan!
Me: Oh, yeah, wow, that looks really good.
Myself: You totally should have a piece.
Me: Well, maybe a small piece. I do LOVE hot fresh naan and I haven't had any other carbs today.

(went up to the buffet, brought back hot, fresh naan)

Me: Oh, this is nice and chewy and crisp.
Myself: Yeah! Eat more of that! Hurry before other people eat it all! Go back up and get more just in case!
Me: Nah, one small piece is enough.
Myself: No it isn't!
Me: I am full, and you know what, this naan is not as good as I remembered it. I don't want anymore.
Me: Hmmmm.
Myself: You screwed up! Failure! Hey, remember those cookies and brownies and stuff at that bakery??
Me: Um, yeah. Yum...
Myself: Now that you're off plan, you may as well go there and get something! Just a brownie, a slice of cake, a few cookies...
Me: Maybe. Maybe I will do that. I AM off plan already...
Myself: Yeah, go have what you want and start fresh tomorrow. Today is ruined anyway.
Me: Ruined? No, wait, today is not ruined...
Myself: Yes it is, screw up!
Me: If I went to that bakery I don't know what I'd get.
Myself: A cookie dipped in chocolate and pecans!
Me: No, actually, those are probably sort of dry and crumbly under the chocolate, and I don't like that kind of cookie...
Myself: A nanaimo bar, then.
Me: Ugh, no, that's so sugary and greasy I think it would make me sick.
Myself: That chocolate cup with mousse in it!
Me: Nah, if I get one of those I want to share it with my kids
Myself: A brownie then, or heck, just get 5 things and take a bite of each and only eat the best one!
Me: (sigh) Ya know, nothing there would taste very good anyway.
Myself: Are you NUTS?
Me: I am fine. I had ONE piece of naan the size of a small slice of bread, there is nothing immoral about that.
Myself: Ugh! Shut up, go get a cheesecake!
Me: Nah, I am fine. I really just want to go home.
Myself: Well then just get some dark chocolate!
Me: No, I am okay. I am going home and staying on plan.

(exit, went home, stayed on plan)


Christina said...

Congratulations on staying on plan. Your conversation with yourself sounds just like my conversations with myself. I can't tell you how many times I have told myself the day is ruined and gave into that voice. It's a hard voice not to listen to but you did it. I am learning one step at a time to tune those voices out and do what I know is right. I haven't tempted myself with an all you can eat bar yet though because I know I'm just not strong enough yet. You should be very proud of yourself.

Andra said...

You may yet be the "normal" that you are always talking about.

Good for you for shutting down your "fat brain" enjoying your lunch and carrying on with life.

Deanna - The Unnatural Mother said...

Ya see, another example of how YOU combatted a binge, you're there sister!! Congrats and great job on putting a sock in the mouth of that voice in your head!!

Banded Girl said...

*high five* You're getting good about combatting all-or-nothing thoughts, Lyn! It's such an easy trap to fall into, but you reasoned your way through it. Congratulations :)

Baby Stepping said...

Those "Me-Myself" conversations can sometimes be brutal. :) You are such an inspiration. When I'm tempted, I think of you and your journey and draw strength from your story. Thank you!

-J.Darling said...

This sounds very familiar! I had one of those when it came to working out today! Blogging about it on the Journeybook blog!:)

Fat Girl on a Little Bike said...

I have this conversation daily and have yet to have achieved your abiliy to not crumble. Excellent job! Thank you for sharing!

Theresa said...

great work!

Floriana said...

Oh, yeah, I know those conversations. Aren't they fun? It's like a persistent spoiled kid always nagging for something. Fortunately I have no problem saying no to that brat.

Jill said...

Good for you, be very proud of yourself. Your strong commitment to staying on plan shut down that evil naysayer inside. I too have those conversations with myself...but so far, I have been able to stay on plan, I have to. I close each of my blog entries with, "I am worth it", and you know what, you are too!

Kristi-Bisti said...

I loved that conversation! Congratulations on being able to tell the truth from a lie. "You da Man!!!"

Polar's Mom said...

Congrats, you did great! That naan would have sucked me into a world of disaster...

Ice Queen said...

Good for you, shutting your other self down and staying on plan. You will be so much better off and happier in the long run. :D

riverview said...

Good work being your own coach. I forget if it's the Beck Diet book or the Refuse to Regain book that talks about how we become stronger and better at saying "no" to extra food as we practice it frequently until it becomes the habit.


~Amy~ said...

YOU rock! Way to convey this internal conversation perfectly... the fight is constant, and every little win is a HUGE victory!!!

screwdestiny said...

Tell your subconscious to stop being such a JERK! Haha. Good for you for shutting it out, Lyn. You're right, a small piece of naan is not one bit immoral. You're just enjoying food like a normal person. And that's great. :)

Shane G. said...

Ok, two things. REALLY WELL WRITTEN! I literally was in suspense the whole time! Two, wow, great job Lyn, I am totally impressed! I would like to think I could do what you just did. I probably could, but I am not sure I trust myself there just yet.

CJ said...

Oh when did you get inside my head!It's like reading a printed page of my conversation with me!!

Nice to know you like Indian food :) I am Indian, and if you need any recipe you can ask me :) I am learning to cook it low fat:)

Nancy said...

LOVED this post! I have the same type of conversations with myself in my head several times a day. Way to go in holding on against it and coming out the winner. Thanks for sharing your amazing strength with us!

Anonymous said...

Someone pointed out to me the other day: "Since when do you believe every thought that crosses your mind?" LOL. Glad you took care of your true needs!

AGirlWorthLosing said...

I know these inner battles all to well. Sadly, most of the time I just have given in.

Go you!

Renee said...

I have to agree with Shane, Lyn - I was seriously on the edge of my seat reading each line!

Congrats on being in control.

PR Coordinator
Medifast, Inc.

Tina said...

Don't you just hate those conversations? So proud of you for ignoring the voice and taking the high road! You're doing great Lyn!

Tammy said...

Congrats to you for kicking the "all or nothing" mentality to the curb. :)

Dillypoo said...

Awesome! Way to conquer that inner, petulant child.

Lynna said...

Great job letting the adult Lyn be in charge of the child Lyn.

One thing that strikes me in the comments is the language that talks about the child as a brat to be conquered.

I see it differently. I see that child inside of me as a wounded little girl who needs compassion, healing, and love. I try to be gentle with her. "Sweetie, what do you really want/need to be whole and healthy? What can I give you that truly satisfies instead of a substitute like naan?"

When I stay in charge as the adult, say "no" to the child, but also listen to the reasons behind her tantrums, I help her heal and grow into a healthy child much less prone to acting up.

Vee said...

LOVED the post. Sounds like conversations I have in my head ALL the time. It's very hard to ignore that voice, or to reason with it. Good job.

Vee at

Happy Fun Pants said...

Loved that post!

I actually tried Indian food on Thursday night for the first time and was surprised at how good it tasted!

I think it's great that you could be mostly on plan there.


Anonymous said...

YES, the naan is my downfall as well. Well, buffets in general. what works well is if I can get a carryout container instead of eating in - some places let you fill up one of those as takeout instead of all you can eat in. If I can spread the food out over a few meals, then I feel like I got my "money's worth" without breaking the diet bank.

Long term... I love bread and will probably have to find a way to include it in my daily food plan. Pakoras - seriously a waste of calories; I used to make baked versions, but meh. The breading material makes a nice pancake/ crepe (bean flour, so it has more protein than regular). I love the sauces - mint and tamarind chutneys add a lot of zip and flavor to otherwise bland foods.