Sunday, July 25, 2010

Checking In

I checked out for a few days. The stress level went up several notches and I literally checked out. I used to check out with binges, but I can't do that anymore. When I eat a reasonable portion of ANYTHING, I get full a lot faster, it is very uncomfortable for me and I am not used to that overstuffed feeling anymore, and I just stop eating. So I can't really binge, nor do I have any drive or desire to. I just do not care very much about food anymore. That's a pretty big deal to me, but very unnerving.

My whole relationship with food has changed. I was slightly worried that when I stop using Medifast I could easily slip back into my old binge eating, food dependant ways, even if I followed their transition and maintenance plans. But for the last three days I was really out of whack with my eating. I am pretty sure it was because of the carbs I ate on Tuesday, which made it physically tough for me to get back to low carb eating. Every day I'd get up and have my tea and be fine until about lunchtime (eating two Medifast meals at 8 and 10AM) and then I'd get a headache, start thinking about what I was going to make for dinner (I am a horrible planner) and get frustrated because I didn't really want to deal with dinner when I had so many *more important* issues going on in my life, and then eat some lame off plan but not unhealthy food, like a banana. One night I had my usual tuna salad made with lite mayo, but I put it on wheat bread instead of over a salad. Another day someone gave us fresh berries and I had some. When I took my daughter out to the park one 95 degree day, we each had an ice cream cone. And yesterday I made mac & cheese for dinner.

Off plan. But not crazy. The stress has been tough. Like I said, I checked out... stopped reading email stopped reading blogs, stopped doing housework, stopped taking walks. Just checked out. And I felt pretty ambivalent about the whole food thing. I didn't go, "Oh, I had an ice cream cone, now I may as well have a burger and fries and some candy bars." I just can't do that anymore. If I go overboard it makes me sick. I don't want it anymore. But I guess my coping mechanisms could be better, because checking out is not the greatest way of dealing with stress.

Anyway, I guess this whole week was a wash diet wise. I am up 3 pounds from last week to 194, mainly water weight that will be gone by next week. I feel pretty icky, physically, from being so inactive and eating off plan, but I am checking back in now and ready to face the stressors, catch up on the housework, take some walks and eat on plan.

22 comments:

Christine said...

Missed your posts, have been thinking of you and hoping everything is okay. Glad you're checking back in and pray everything smooths out for you soon.

Linda said...

Thank you for sharing your ups and downs Lyn. A lifetime of handling stress with food which we used and will occassionally still use as a way of coping does not go away overnight. But how we handle those times does get better with practice and time as you have shown. Dusting ourselves off and getting back to the business of taking care and not "using food" is the solution. Thanks for checking back in. Progress Not Perfection is my mantra :)

Hugs,
Linda

Erica Marie said...

Well, Welcome back to being checked back in! I know how that feels though, I can do that at times when I feel too much stress. I just shutdown completely. Sometimes, It happens. But it shows a lot of strength to not let it take over you & completely loose touch on a regular basis.

Lynna said...

If you were able to march along perfectly in-step towards goal, there really wouldn't be much in that from which we can all learn together.

As it is, the ups and downs, the fits and starts, the occasional lulls... that's the stuff of life. The work that you do to gain insight and to make changes as a result... that's where we can all observe and learn.

Be well and take care of you.

Lanie Painie said...

I'm sorry you had a setback, and I hope you're feeling better soon. Glad you're coming around and posting - missed you while you were gone. Welcome back :-)

spunkysuzi said...

Sometimes we all zone out for a bit. What i found inspiring though was the fact that moderate portions satisfy you now and you don't eat beyond comfortable. That's huge!!!
And the fact that you didn't binge.
You will do great in transition and you have a lot of support in blogland to help you through it.

He Took MY Last Name said...

Sometimes you have to go on auto pilot, Lyn. It's not a bad thing. Its how our bodies deal with stress. It's fight or flight, and sometimes, we need to run away a little bit, so we can come back and handle it all.

You arent doing anything wrong, you are doing it exactly right. you are living.

Jo said...

Congrats on how you handled the checkout with your eating. I think checkouts are good because you can recharge and come back stronger to handle life.

I missed you and am glad you're checking back in. And I hope things get better for you.

Leslie said...

Not a bad thing to take a little breather. This is so very emotionally charged territory you're entering, and it makes sense that you'd kick back a little.

I was wondering where you've been but had no doubt you were okay. Good luck re-entering the day to day.

Dinah Soar said...

Simplify your evening meal planning by coming up with a few simple meals you enjoy and repeat them. Most of us eat the same two or three things for breakfast and lunch, why should the evening meal be any different?

Your kids will benefit from this too--they won't have the expectation of something special at night. Food will just be fuel.

Mary from Sugar Bush Primitives said...

I'm so sorry that your stress level has gone up, but I am so proud of you that your new "life" habits have stayed in place. I missed your posts and hoped you were okay.

The things we do when we struggle tend to have much more impact on our lives than the even keel days. The struggles strengthen our "no thanks" muscle.

Hugs,
Mary

Paring the Pear said...

Hey Lyn, I've been following you for almost a year now, and I think you've been doing an awesome job. I tend to withdraw when I'm feeling sad or depressed, but I think you handled yourself well this past week. If you ever need an inspiration, just think about what you would have done in the past. You've made a lot of progress, and you are one of my inspirations for me to lose the weight (I am about where you are when you started)! I hope things can work better for you.

Cathy said...

Well you know what they say ... it is never too late to get off the wrong path! Hope this week goes better.

girliefriend said...

Welcome home!

Cozy in Texas said...

I stopped by your blog today. Your pictures are amazing - congrats.
Ann
Less of Me

theresa said...

Welcome back. :) You were missed.

Anonymous said...

Cool that you've used your 'check-out' to realize and process that your relationship with food really has changed! Okay, so the number is up, but you've learned something valuable, if a little unnerving.

Cool and inspiring! Thanks again!

Marie

Jane said...

Sometimes we have to take a break, and we are better for it, and such is life. Progress not perfection.

Kisha said...

Sometimes we all need to check out a little bit, especially from the blog world-it's a lot of work to offer yourself to people the way you do, and sometimes you need to concentrate on just yourself. Take your time, we'll all be here when you're ready to come back. I know you've been off plan, but big congrats for not binging. Thinking of you, my friend.

Emma said...

Hi! I just discovered your website! I'm down 14 pounds so far and this is usually the point it starts to go wrong. So, I am thrilled to find this great blog to keep me motivated... or just plain real. Looking forward to your future posts. Emma

Crys said...

Amazing how quickly the body gets use to a new regimen! Good luck getting back in the saddle! You'll do just fine!

Neesha said...

I have faith in you. I really do. I absolutely believe you've amassed the tools you need to nip this slip in the bud. You're a loser, and you're good at it. :)