Sunday, June 13, 2010

A Good Week!

Oh I am so excited! No, I did not break the 200 barrier... yet! But I feel GREAT about how this week turned out. Really proud of myself and newly confident. Let me explain.

Last Sunday I weighed in at 201 pounds, which was a five-pound loss for the week (the most I have had in months!) But I sort of lost it last Sunday after I weighed, ate some stuff that was not on my plan, and ended up gaining 2 pounds overnight (mostly water/sodium I am sure). I got right back on plan the next day and one of those pounds disappeared again. But then the next day I went further off plan, ate quite a few things that were not wise choices, and went back up to 204 pounds.

Now, eating something off plan once in awhile is not the end of the world. I am not a believer in making food into some kind of 'moral' issue, where cake is 'bad' and cucumbers are 'good.' But my problem (which you know if you're a long-time reader) has been reeling it back in after the fact. One off plan meal easily turns into two, or three, and then into a string of days of eating crap. The food quality deteriorates over time the further from healthy stuff I stray. One day it's a fat free hot dog, the next it is a burger, and the next it is pizza with chips and soda. This is something I have worried I might have trouble with, long term. It makes me a little scared to eat ANYTHING off plan. But this is life, ya know? And I have to learn to deal with this eating issue in a normal healthy way.

This week's stress came from a couple of sources: school ending and 'stuff' going on with my teens, dance recital week for my daughter (which takes up a lot of time but we LOVE it), and PMS. But throw the number '201' into the mix, and you get some mental chaos going on. I admit there was some panic about crossing into the 100's. It just seems freaky to me. Like it cannot POSSIBLY be real. Head games. Not good.

And so when I found myself Wednesday night, after a 204 weigh-in, doing something I had sworn off many months ago, I knew I had to do SOMETHING to stop myself. I got fast food for the first time in about 8 months. I went through a drive through (NOT McDonald's... NEVER again, yucko!) and got myself a bacon burger, onion rings, Pepsi and a banana split. I had been at dance stuff for hours and let myself get super hungry. My little girl fell asleep in the car on the way home. I went and bought this stuff and sat in the parking lot with it. I ate about 2/3 of the burger, half the rings, 1/3 of the soda and 1/2 of the banana split and tossed the rest. I sat there and thought, "Okay... PMS or not, this is not the behavior I want. Stress or not, this is not what I want to go back to. If I want a burger, I will NOT sit and eat in my car in the parking lot. That feels so degrading to myself. I will make a burger or go sit down at a decent place and eat like a human being who has some self-respect."

I decided that the scale was messing with me too much and I'd stay off it until Sunday and stay 100% on plan for the rest of the week. And so I did. I ate my healthy meals and lived my life and didn't worry what the scale said. I had a lot of fun with my kids. I ate yummy meals like last night's: a buffalo steak with sauteed mushrooms and steamed fresh, local broccoli. My daughter and I walked quite a bit. It felt great!

This morning the scale said 201. I am thrilled! I am just so happy that I was able to turn it around pretty quickly and get back on track. This has given me a lot of confidence in myself and my ability to actually do this long term... EVEN when I have PMS, stress, or other life events that tend to trip people up for weight loss. So although I ended up with a maintain this week, I am happy. It's a big success for me.

I am pretty sure this is going to be MY week to hit a new, fantastic number! I am staying off the scale for a couple of days, just to stay more focused and NOT let the little pointer on the dial mess with my head.

30 comments:

Jennifer said...

Hi Lyn. Thanks for your comments over on my blog.

I totally agree that getting back on track is the hardest part. I went off Mf for a few days too and I handled it just fine. Better than I could expected and I am proud! I am back on track and feel in control. I too get scared to eat anything off plan but I know that I cant stay on MF forever. So... I am currently working(and stressing about if you read my blog at all) out a plan for myself to incorporate the exercise I just discovered I enjoy :)
Anyway, I am proud of you. We are human and deserve a little treat now and then. Take it in stride, in moderation and move on. Just like you did. You are in a good place! Good work!!!

Jennifer
http://wecanlosethepounds.blogspot.com/

Deb said...

Wow, Lyn, this is some real progress. Makes me really happy for you. You're doing it!

Jessica said...

I just want to say congratulations on being able to turn it around and get back on your plan!
I myself have struggled with weight all my life. Finally almost two years ago I decided to do something about it.
I have my weak moments too and I feel guilty when I know I really overdid it. But I know if I work out hard and get back on track with my diet then it will be OK.
Now I am just maintaining at around 110lbs and I do allow myself to splurge a little once a week, I don't go overboard because my body just can't take as much food as I used to, but it is nice to be able to enjoy some of you favorite foods once in a while.
http://skinnyontheoutsidefatonthenside.blogspot.com/

Annie said...

Good job for getting right back on track and recognizing that eating a burger in the car is not a healthy way to live! You're doing great!!

Karen said...

I agree...this is YOUR week. I can hardly wait to see you post that "199" number. I will be rejoicing with you. You did an amazing job jumping right back onto your plan and you have been rewarded for your choices!!!!

Thirty years ago I gave Overeaters Anonymous a try. It didn't really work for me (probably because at 26 I thought I knew everything LOL) but I did learn some things in the few months I went to meetings. One thing that has stuck with me was a guy who was very involved with his church and mentioned that even when alone he said grace before eating...except during a binge. That said a lot to me about how our minds work during a binge and the shame associated with binging. For this reason I think you might be on to something about if you decide to have a burger, don't make it a secret. HAVE A BURGER sitting at a table and enjoy it without guilt. For me there is something ritualistic about gathering up my favorite junk foods and eating them all alone until I am sick. I would NEVER want to eat any of that in front of other people. Now if I decide to go off plan, I am going to do as you suggested: have a piece of cake (or burger, or candy bar...or whatever) and eat it like a civilized person!!!

Ice Queen said...

Lyn, you really are amazing. The way you are now handling what used to be a total meltdown of epic proportions is now just a blip on your screen.

To coin an old phrase, "You've come a long way, baby!"

Leslie said...

Fantastic Lyn. I think you're about to break through to a new century. Way to dig back in after a couple of off days. You show it can be done. basically you had a week of maintenance and absolutely maintained in the big picture. Can't get better than that.

Susans Journey To Stay Fit said...

Almost there to the 100's you can do it Lynn! Good job on getting right back on track after your slip. I've been reading your blog a little while now and more and more you sound like you have this binge thing under control...Keep up the good work you inspire so many who read your success and how you deal with your set backs too.

Lala said...

Hi Lyn,
I just want to thank you so much for the honesty in this blog. You are really inspiring me to spend time examining my eating habits. I have the same issue, and I'd say it's the better part of why I gain weight. I am so inspired to see someone with the same issue get through it with grace and perseverance. Kudos to you!!!

Theresa said...

I think your decisions (after your challenges) this week show great growth and maturity as well as a healing process for food addiction. You have come so far Lyn. You did NOT eat it all. I know how powerful that really is. You took the power away from the food and gave it back to yourself. Thumbs WAY up. :)

spunkysuzi said...

That is a HUGE NSV for you Lyn!! I'm so proud that you were able to turn this week around :)

screwdestiny said...

Good job, Lyn. Glad you're back in the right place mentally. I liked what you said about eating the fast food (or any "off plan" food, really), that you should at least do it in a place where you're not having to hide and eat it like it's something terribly shameful.

Spaghetti Cat said...

Glad you are back on track Lyn. I don't know about you, but going "off my plan" is physically painful for me. Found that out the hard way.

Keep on fighting the good fight!

Claire said...

Congratulations, Lyn! Although I'm not a binger, I definitely relate to mental games I play with myself and my weight. I had lost about 35 pounds a few years back, and got a ton of compliments and could buy cute clothes...and then I lost it mentally, and gained 55 pounds. And here I've sat for a few more years, just waiting to find the mental key to losing this weight for good (because I refuse to try again without actually getting down to my healthy weight).

Not sure that I've found it, but I know I am on a path to a healthier life. Thank you for so eloquently stating things that make my own journey clearer.

Christie said...

Well done for turning it around! I'm only at the very beginning of my own journey but hope I can be as strong as that when it happens to me.

I can understand why it's scary crossing over to the 100s. This is a scary journey and a half that we're doing! I came across a quote recently that says it all:
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure" (Marion Williamson, quoted by Nelson Mandela in his inaugural address, 1994)

Stephanie Hill said...

Everybody has times when they don't do exactly as well as they had hoped. The important thing is that you were able to get your behavior back under control and get back on plan. And you're right--you have to life and learn to deal in the real world.

Larkspur said...

That is really wonderful. So glad you steered yourself in the direction you wanted to go.

Dinah Soar said...

I'm curious. When you decided to get fast food-- why a burger AND onion rings AND soda AND a banana split? Why not get a burger and soda? Or a burger and a banana split? Or the burger and onion rings?..Why soda instead of water? Why the whole shebang?

Most fast food places have salads. If you were extra hungry why not a burger and salad? With water to drink-- and a small ice cream cone instead of a banana split?

Just wondering. I try to balance my indulgences whether I'm trying to lose weight or not, and it doesn't make sense to me to go so far overboard.

Now if it were a special occasion I'd understand going whole hog.

I understand you were extra hungry--but you could have eaten and still maintained some damage control...still indulged somewhat without going so far.

I'm not criticizing you..I'm just trying to understand, just wondering how you think, because thinking leads to behavior.

I get that you made the decision to go off plan--but why so far off plan--that's what I don't get? I'm just trying to understand your thought process.

Lori said...

Congratulations on being so in touch with your psyche that you understand what is going on and get it corrected.

I think once you cross the 200 lb threshold and see that nothing horrible happens, the weight will start to roll right off again.

You go, girl!!
Lori

Lyn said...

Dinah~

Because I WANTED a burger, onions rings, pepsi and banana split. I did not WANT to be moderate, I did not WANT a salad or a small cone. It was all about indulging what *I wanted.* It's a mindset. One I lived in ALL the time for decades.

See, that meal used to BE moderate for me. In fact, my usual order at that particular place used to be a DOUBLE bacon cheeseburger, LARGE onions rings, LARGE soda, brownie fudge sundae... I'd finish every bite, and then, you know what I'd do? I'd go home and eat a candy bar.

So I guess the answer is, sure, I know how to eat moderately anywhere. I am capable of doing that when I am in the mindset of healthy eating. But when I am just WANTING what I want... no, there is no way a salad and a cone would cut it.

Margie M. said...

Hey you're right, sometimes we just want what we want...and we WANT IT RIGHT NOW! I totally get what you are saying. The most important part is that you didn't let the behavior continue for days and days, or even for meals and meals. I think you did fantastic!

Margie M. writes at:
www.myhealthylivingthruweightcontrol.blogspot.com

Fat Girl Slim said...

I so know what you mean about the morality of food! I allow myself a free pass when I go out to dinner with friends (being a mum makes this a rare event). I to struggle with the carb cravings that follow! Im a new reader and already excited to see you at 199!

MargieAnne said...

I'm full of admiration for the way you handled this very difficult week.

It's great that you see it as a sign you can handle the future. You're slaying your dragons one by one.

Wishing you another good week.

Salted with Shadows said...

Good for you Lyn! Have a great week!

Tammy said...

Good job on turning it around...I love to watch you make such tremendous progress with the habits...not just the numbers. 199 is just around the corner. :)

Lanie Painie said...

I am completely impressed! I will think of you the next time I feel myself backsliding. I can't believe I've been sneaking around all these years eating fast food in my car and never even considering it. I ALWAYS tell my daughter that if she has to sneak around to do something, it's probably because she knows she really shouldn't be doing it in the first place. Now why didn't I ever relate that to my own food issues? I have used it as a guideline in many other situations but for some reason, eating just doesn't count. Or didn't. It didn't have to follow all the other self-control rules that I used and preached. Thanks for helping me to look at it differently!

Laurens_Closet said...

YAY for you, Lyn! I haven't been coming over here as regularly as I used to... I had not been on my OWN blog as often as I should. But I'm back, I'm recommitted, and I'm glad to see that, since I've been gone... YOU'VE SHRUNK! WAY to GO!!

Amy (stop by my blog and say HI sometime, I'd love it!)
rebuildingamy.blogspot.com

Hanlie said...

That is the great lesson... Moving on and turning it around. You inspire me daily!

Anonymous said...

Gosh -- why a burger, onion rings etc. when it's not the most perfect, logical choice?

Well. If all our food choices were made on a basis of perfect logic and control, we wouldn't have weight problems to deal with, would we.

I know that what I'm dealing with is an addiction and I think it could go toe-to-toe with any addiction going. It would be so wonderful if I could just flip a switch and make the most logical, controlled choices 100% of the time. Maybe there are some people who suddenly "see the light" and never struggle with choices again -- but I've never heard of any.

Lyn, I'm so thrilled with your progress. And every time I see the line on your blog about getting out of the hellish nightmare, I get a little thrill knowing you're pretty much out. :-)

Onederland, here you come!

Arabella

SeattleRunnerGirl said...

I'm a little late to the game, but I just want to say I can totally identify with feeling like the weight loss "can't" be real. I am losing weight with HCG now (as you know) and it's a little surreal! I started at 252.5. At first I said I'd believe it when I kept losing after the first week. Then when week one came and went, I said I'd believe it when I got into the 230s. Now I'm there and I'm realizing I'd better start believing it! A friend suggested I do some visualization; SEE myself progressing through the 230s, then the 220s, etc. all the way down to my goal weight. I'm going to do it and thought the idea might help you, too!