Good morning! Sorry I missed posting yesterday but I was busy living and the time got away from me :)
Good news today! This morning I weighed in at 198 pounds. That's another milestone: I have now lost (worked off, burned, melted, toasted) EIGHTY pounds off my body! I am just in awe, really. The most I ever lost before I started blogging was about 35 pounds. I did that twice. The first time, I lost 34 pounds by counting calories and walking every day. I regained all the weight within a year (due mostly to a pregnancy with months of bedrest). Seven years later, I did the South Beach diet and lost 33 pounds. I kept it off for all of three weeks before watching the scale go slowly back up, gaining it all back plus eight more pounds within about a year. That was in 2005.
I remember how HUGE losing 33-34 pounds felt to me back then. I never could *quite* get to 40, and I just didn't know how to KEEP it off. I had not taken the time to truly educate myself about nutrition and the foods I was eating. I did not change my habits and was not emotionally ready for the vulnerability of a lower weight. So I failed.
This time is different. Yes, it has taken me almost three years to lose 80 pounds, but it is best (for me) that way. It's given me time to get used to the changes in my body, and experiment with different foods, calorie levels, protein levels, and exercise. I have truly changed my entire lifeSTYLE. I do not cook the same way anymore. I do not shop the same way anymore. The pictures of my dinner table and my grocery cart from 2005 and 2010 are night and day. You would not even recognize my kitchen and pantry anymore. For that matter, you wouldn't recognize my CAR anymore, which, five years ago, was overflowing with McDonald's bags, Subway wrappers, and empty Arby's cheese sauce cups. Every time I opened a door a little paper straw wrapper would blow out. Now there is none of that. We don't even do fast food anymore. There are no Coke cans on the end tables, no piles of mini Dove chocolate wrappers by my computer, no Hershey's kisses foils and flags lying around the living room. My LIFE is unrecognizable from five years ago. And so is my body. And the happiness factor is through the roof.
Later today I will take my "80 Pounds Gone" pictures and post them. I am so excited! Eighty pounds is a BIG deal. It's a LOT of weight. I look down at my still-large body and cannot fathom how I ever functioned with an additional 80 pounds on it. It is just unimaginable to me now. It is crazy to me how I got to 278 pounds and "barely noticed." Sure, I was feeling lousy. I had physical pain and limitations. But somehow I had withdrawn into myself and my emotional pain and numbness seemed to overshadow the pain and physical reality of gaining 80 pounds. I didn't really NOTICE because I was so wrapped up in my head. In the anxiety, the stress, the pleasure of eating box after box of cookies and bag after bag of chips. Somehow, those sensations took precedence over *noticing* eighty pounds of fat on my body.
I am glad I woke up.
You can, too. It hurts. It is not comfortable to feel your feelings and deny yourself the food that has medicated you and placated your desire to be healthy for so long. It really does hurt, emotionally, to change this much.. But it is also SO FREEING and your life can be wonderful and happy and exciting. You can let go of the weight-shield, too. And yes, it is very much worth taking the time and effort to do it.
Pictures to come!
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