Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Free

Good morning! Sorry I missed posting yesterday but I was busy living and the time got away from me :)

Good news today! This morning I weighed in at 198 pounds. That's another milestone: I have now lost (worked off, burned, melted, toasted) EIGHTY pounds off my body! I am just in awe, really. The most I ever lost before I started blogging was about 35 pounds. I did that twice. The first time, I lost 34 pounds by counting calories and walking every day. I regained all the weight within a year (due mostly to a pregnancy with months of bedrest). Seven years later, I did the South Beach diet and lost 33 pounds. I kept it off for all of three weeks before watching the scale go slowly back up, gaining it all back plus eight more pounds within about a year. That was in 2005.

I remember how HUGE losing 33-34 pounds felt to me back then. I never could *quite* get to 40, and I just didn't know how to KEEP it off. I had not taken the time to truly educate myself about nutrition and the foods I was eating. I did not change my habits and was not emotionally ready for the vulnerability of a lower weight. So I failed.

This time is different. Yes, it has taken me almost three years to lose 80 pounds, but it is best (for me) that way. It's given me time to get used to the changes in my body, and experiment with different foods, calorie levels, protein levels, and exercise. I have truly changed my entire lifeSTYLE. I do not cook the same way anymore. I do not shop the same way anymore. The pictures of my dinner table and my grocery cart from 2005 and 2010 are night and day. You would not even recognize my kitchen and pantry anymore. For that matter, you wouldn't recognize my CAR anymore, which, five years ago, was overflowing with McDonald's bags, Subway wrappers, and empty Arby's cheese sauce cups. Every time I opened a door a little paper straw wrapper would blow out. Now there is none of that. We don't even do fast food anymore. There are no Coke cans on the end tables, no piles of mini Dove chocolate wrappers by my computer, no Hershey's kisses foils and flags lying around the living room. My LIFE is unrecognizable from five years ago. And so is my body. And the happiness factor is through the roof.

Later today I will take my "80 Pounds Gone" pictures and post them. I am so excited! Eighty pounds is a BIG deal. It's a LOT of weight. I look down at my still-large body and cannot fathom how I ever functioned with an additional 80 pounds on it. It is just unimaginable to me now. It is crazy to me how I got to 278 pounds and "barely noticed." Sure, I was feeling lousy. I had physical pain and limitations. But somehow I had withdrawn into myself and my emotional pain and numbness seemed to overshadow the pain and physical reality of gaining 80 pounds. I didn't really NOTICE because I was so wrapped up in my head. In the anxiety, the stress, the pleasure of eating box after box of cookies and bag after bag of chips. Somehow, those sensations took precedence over *noticing* eighty pounds of fat on my body.

I am glad I woke up.

You can, too. It hurts. It is not comfortable to feel your feelings and deny yourself the food that has medicated you and placated your desire to be healthy for so long. It really does hurt, emotionally, to change this much.. But it is also SO FREEING and your life can be wonderful and happy and exciting. You can let go of the weight-shield, too. And yes, it is very much worth taking the time and effort to do it.

Be free.

Pictures to come!

46 comments:

Sharon said...

Congratulations, Lyn and thank you so much for your commitment to your blog. It is certainly an encouragement to me.

Al (losingharry) said...

Congrats, Lynn. You are doing an awesome job. Keep up the great work!

Ice Queen said...

The joy in this post shines through my screen and warms and touches me.

Your wisdom, new strength and purpose are inspiring and hopeful. I learn from you every time I click the link to your blog and appreciate your gift of expression.

And yes, eighty pounds is a very big deal! You must be ecstatic. You have earned every great thing you are feeling and it will only get better. :D

Annie said...

What an awesome milestone for you!!! Congrats!

Eva Burns said...

I can't wait to see the pics! Congratulations on the 80 pounds!!! You should be proud of yourself for the weight loss, but more importantly the life changes. The life changes are what is going to make this loss for good! Congratulations!

Eva

Lori said...

Great Job!!!
Lori

Laura said...

Congrats on the 80 pounds! That is fantastic!

Amanda said...

Congratulations on the 80 pounds lost!!!

Badger said...

I look forward to seeing the pics but mostly, well done you!

You should be proud of yourself and you're an inspiration to others.

x

Jane said...

This is awesome! You are truly an inspiration :)

Spaghetti Cat said...

Soooo beyond Happy For you Lyn! The best things come with time :)
LOVE your blog girl, LOVE it!

And your happiness is so evident in your posting, it is wonderful!

Traci said...

Wow!! 80 pounds gone is a big deal!! Great job on your hard work! Congratulations on sticking to it. I can't wait to see the new pics.

Marisa (Loser for Life) said...

Oh Lyn! How wonderful! I have been a long time lurker and following (and relating) to your struggles for quite a while. I just had to come out and congratulate you on this amazing accomplishment! 80 pounds IS a lot of weight! You should be so proud!

Glad you are experiencing the freedom that comes along with it. You deserve it!

Shelley said...

Looking forward to the pictures - I'm so happy you are feeling so good about the process and your progress - congratulations!!!

Mom to the Fourth Power said...

Oh wow, you said it. It hurts to feel your pain and NOT eat through it. I started at 280 - close to where you did, and I am down 66 pounds. It is a HUGE deal - SO life changing. I can't wait to get under 200 like you are. I never want to go back to that way of life, and it's true - you have to be ready for this kind of change physically and emotionally! Well stated... and Congrats!!!

~Margene

NewMe said...

Sincere congratulations, Lyn!!

One little request: when you take the picture, don't wear black against a dark background. We actually want to see the difference!

first steps said...

Congratulations!! 80 lbs is a very big deal! Can't wait to see the pictures

Katie J said...

Can't wait to see the pictures. You should be so pleased Lyn. The thing that impresses me is all the mental work you have done. Kudos to you!

MissyMcM said...

Congratulations! You have been faithful to yourself.

Jennifer said...

Yaaay for you Lyn! 80 lbs is huge! I too feel that it is different this time. I have yoyo dieting on and off over the years within 20 lbs. But this time is differet. I am down 61 lbs and I feel so different. Also, I just posted my before (sorta since I was already down 20 lbs when I started taking pics) and current pics on my blog. I was nervous about doing it but got up the guts. Take a look if you would like!
http://wecanlosethepounds.blogspot.com/

Jennifer

beerab said...

Can't wait for the photos! :) Great job!

Debbie said...

80 lbs in three years is great. I am looking forward to the pics. Keep up the good work.

Sarah (Fat Little Legs) said...

Awesome!! CONGRATS!!! I am a new reader, and I just wanted you to know that you are doing so well. I have just made it to 100 pounds lost... it has taken me 20 months, but like you said this time it is for real. Some days I can't believe that I'm real. It is that wierd... I am sure you get it... I know you get it from what you've written.

My Body In Motion said...

I can't wait to see your 80 lbs gone pictures! Congratulations on sticking with it even though it's been a long road!

Leslie said...

Beautiful.

Tori said...

Wow! Congrats! I am a new reader to your blog and I am truly inspired. Well done!

Hanlie said...

I am SO proud of you! Well done, Lyn!

Anonymous said...

Your blog title, "Escape from Obesity" is spot on; it is like you have finally been released from prison. What a beautiful accomplishment.

There is one thing I do not believe is realistic, however, and that is the attitude that "you" (meaning any reader finding this blog, I suppose) can have similar success. Someday you, Lyn, may perhaps better understand the external factors that allowed you to summon and bring about the internal changes. You may realize that you live with privileges not shared by all. This is not a criticism! Nor does it take away from all you have fought so hard to discover and create. It is only an observation. In your desire to be helpful and encouraging to others, it is easy to overlook the life benefits available to you that others do not now share.

You seem like such a kind and caring person. I believe you encourage and inspire others to conquer the obstacles over which they have some control. But for many, long term success may entail only a loss of 10% of body weight, or an amount that allows them to function better with a little better health outcome. That achievement, too, is worthy of great celebration.

I suspect you understand all this. Please forgive me if it sounds like a lecture. I don't mean it that way. :)

Sarah said...

Lyn I am so so delighted for you. I am so excited you've made it to such an important milestone.

Additionally, I am grateful to your blog. I have realized a lot about my own journey through reading about yours. Thank you so much.

And again, CONGRATULATIONS!!! HAPPY DANCING FOR YOU HERE IN ARKANSAS!

Cynthia said...

I love your insightful writing Lyn - Congrats on your 80 pound milestone - I have lost 25 lbs in 6 months on South Beach - still at 225 - but I'm hanging in there - Thanks for your posts -I'm new here and I love your recipes too - Blessings to you -

Taryl said...

WOOHOO! Congratulations Lyn! Onederland AND 80 pounds lost, I cannot wait to see pictures of how your shape is changing :)

Salted with Shadows said...

Good for you, Lyn, that is so wonderful!

MB said...

Congratulations on breaking free. I can't wait to see your 80 pounds gone picture. Smile!

Pubsgal said...

Congrats, Lyn!!! Onederland is an awesome place to be!

Lyn said...

Anonymous~

Thank you for the respectful and thoughtful comment. It is certainly something to think about.

When I say "you" can succeed, here is what I mean: I do believe that just about everyone who is reading and wants to lose weight can do it. Maybe not 80 pounds, maybe not regain their health 100%, but can improve their lives and health by making changes. I do know I am blessed to no longer be eating from the food bank, where fresh fruits & veggies were nonexistant. There are surely people out there who do not have access to ANY healthy foods, fresh water, etc but I think for the most part, those who are reading have enough resources to truly change their bodies and lives. For those few who are exceptions, I hope you still find some inspiration to change what you CAN... do what is in your ability, whether it be physical or mental or emotional 'work' to make life better.

My message of "you can do it" is directed, mainly, at those many hundreds/thousands of people who are searching, hoping, scared they will be morbidly obese forever and not believing they have the power within them to change. YOU CAN DO IT! Believe in yourself. That's what I want to get across... and I mean no disrespect at all to any who have circumstances beyond their control. I hope that clarifies.

I think this is actually a great discussion topic. If you come back and read this, Anonymous, please feel free to comment further on what you perceive as my privileges/benefits that allow me to succeed. I always felt like I was dealt such a poor hand... bad knees, daily pain, no family but my kids, no support (which has changed because of blogging), tough finances... and having little kids... I thought "other people can do it because they can afford a gym/have a husband to help/don't have babies to tend/can walk without pain." But I was wrong. I made it and overcame those issues. It always seemed to me that "others" had it easier, when in fact, I had the ability to change within me all along.

Anonymous said...

I just found your blogspot yesterday. I don't know why I haven't run across it before. Maybe divine timing? Anyway, I am currently at 250, down from 278 about six months or so ago. I am reading each current post but I am going back to the beginning and reading where you started. I have to say that your posts in Aug 2007 speak exactly what is in my heart and what are my struggles. So I am looking forward to continuing my journey with "your help". I am in my mid 50s and I have some medical issues that really need surgery (no insurance, can't afford it), so my biggest struggle is exercising now, but I still think I can eventually get there. Looking forward to watching the continuance of your journey. Thanks for your blogs.

Christie said...

Such an encouraging post! Makes me believe it will all be worth it! It's amazing how you've totally turned your life around.

Hope's Journey to Healthy said...

Congrats Lyn! Keep it up!

McCulley's said...

So proud of you! What an accomplishment. I have 20 to lose and I am up and down all the time you give me inspiration thank you!

Andra said...

First of all, congratulations Lyn! Freedom from overeating and the fat prison that comes with it is the most wonderful feeling and you have definitely earned the goals that you have achieved. No one can take that away from you.

I have to take umbrage with persons who say that weight loss/reclaiming one's health is only achievable because of certain privileges (imagined or otherwise) that have been bestowed.

If you look back at some people in history who have overcome adversity and achieved great things, it is not often a case of privilege (Helen Keller, Nelson Mandela, Abraham Lincoln to pick a few out of my hat) rather a case of hard work, ingenuity, pure desire and drive.

Sure, reclaiming one's health may not be the equivalent of uniting a nation or creating a language, but to diminish the individual who has faced their demons, DID THE WORK despite challenges (and we all have challenges no matter the size of our privilege) and came through it on the other side just doesn't seem right.

Karen said...

Way to go, Lyn!!!!! Can't wait to see the 80 pounds lost photos. Stop worrying about feeding your children and think about all of US waiting to see those new photos! LOL!!!

Lala said...

So many congratulations to you, Lyn! I found your blog in the last several months, but I can't tell you how inspiring you are. While the before and after pictures are wonderful, even more inspiring are your descriptions of the feeling of freedom that accompanies feeling lighter in your body. It's not something I thought about as I gained weight, but now that it's here, I am so aware of how much I long for that feeling. I feel like the most important and the absolute key part of any change (and as you said, that change can be different for everyone and varying on a person's physical limitations) is that you have optimism and hope. And I feel like your blog is really helping me in these key areas. Thank you so much for that gift!

Mary from Sugar Bush Primitives said...

I am so happy for you!!

Elizabeth said...

OMG!!!!! When I read your blog I finally feel like I am not alone. It is the longest journey, but when you get there the Amazing feeling is overwhelming when you can see the results of your struggle. I am 237lb. and I ask myself, daily how did I gain all this weight back and everyday I come up with the same answer I was not ready or focus. I have a website which is www.dietbegone.com. I have been ranting for years about weight lost, what I realize reading your blog is support is key. Congrats !
198 lbs Kudos !

Glenn, Fat at Fifty-five said...

Inspiring. I hope to follow your path.

KyokoCake said...

I want to offer you my congratulations, I am so completely inspired by you. I agree that ANYONE can succeed - maybe not fast, maybe not right now, maybe not anything but they can. We all have things in our way, every one of us and some worse than others but I hope that I can get through it and you are very inspiring on my journey!!