Friday, June 4, 2010

The Clothes, Part 2

After my post yesterday about my discomfort in my new clothing sizes, I decided I had to take the advice of so many who left comments and get used to the new me. I got up this morning determined to get rid of all the big clothes and to wear only clothes that FIT me from now on!

It started with the bras, of course. I tossed the ones with cups too big and straps too long, and I dug through my drawer to see what was left. Lucky me... I have 3 or 4 in there that I haven't been able to wear in over 12 years but just couldn't bear to part with! I put one on, looked in the mirror, and raised my eyebrows are how much, uh, more endowed and bustier I look in a well-fitting bra... even though my measurements in the bust have gone down quite a bit. The things actually look BIGGER in a decent bra! Who knew?

From there I put on some size 16 jeans that I already like, and opened the closet to find a top. I have a lot of places to go today and will be seeing lots of people, so I needed something I'd be comfortable with. First, I took the threadbare, holey t-shirts (yes, I have been reluctant to part with them and was actually wearing shirts with holes @@) and threw them in the trash. Then I went through the closet and took almost all the XL shirts and put them in the Fat Clothes box (which will be leaving my home within a week). It was kind of weird. My "favorite" shirt is a simple grey cotton v-neck tee, size XL. I remember how excited I was when I could wear it (down from a 3XL). It's been my first pick every time it is clean, and as recently as last month I was trying to find some more shirts just like it. But now it hangs and drops off my shoulders, so it had to go. Very odd, putting it in the box. Another strange one was this shirt I bought probably more than a year and a half ago because I saw it in the store and fell in LOVE with it. It was a 2XL but sized pretty small, and when I tried it on there was no way I could fit into it. The seams were all tight, and I couldn't get my arms into the sleeves, but I bought it because it was *so beautiful* and I knew I'd fit into it in 10 or 15 pounds. It's blue, with pretty beading along the bottom and the flare sleeves. I tried it on last month and got into it but the upper arms were super tight and constricting so I put it back in the closet. "Oh, I can finally wear this!" I thought this morning. I put it on. It fit! But when I looked in the mirror, it was obviously too big. Very big in the waist and even loose in the arms. I sort of stood there staring for a minute, and then I hung it back up. I couldn't part with it yet. I never even got to wear it! Maybe it would look better with different pants. But more likely it'll be in the fat box sometime this summer.

So I was left with a bunch of fairly new size L and 14 shirts to choose from. I started with the black surplice sweater tee I mentioned yesterday. "Maybe I won't look so good in it after all," I thought as I put it on. But I did look good. "Damn!" I said. Damn, as in, "wow!" I still felt a little uncomfortable with the "look" and figured I'd save it for wearing at home once or twice first. I hung it back up. Then it went like this:

Colorful blouse: "Hmmm, this looks ok. It's almost too big. I don't like how it accentuates the fatness of my arms though." Took it off.

Grey tee shirt: "Holy crap! My boobs look MASSIVE! I look like I had a freaking boob job!" Took it off.

Blue tee shirt: "You've got to be kidding me!" (The boobs again. Took it off).

Looked at some sleeveless shirts and tank tops and decided those are more for home and hotter weather.

I was down to my LAST shirt in the right size. Black tee shirt, in the style and cut I am accustomed to but in a smaller size: "Okay. I can do this. This looks pretty good. Form fitting and I look much slimmer. But the black hides the gargantuan boobs a little more." That's the one I am wearing.

I WILL get this down. I have enough shirts to wear a different one every day next week. I WILL get more comfortable in them, and before I know it they will be too big and I will need a smaller size. And that will be just fine!
Scale says: 202.

23 comments:

Once Upon A Dieter said...

I bet you look super duper cute and are being too critical. :)

I do wonder about sizing. When I wore a size 14, I was 155 pounds (in 1983). Clearly, sizing has changed. I do notice folks saying they fit into 16 and 18 at WAY higher weights than when I fit into those.

I'd heard of size creep, but I've been so fat for so long that I hadn't realized that maybe my goal of being a size 14 again needs to be re-evaluated, if what was 14 back then, is maybe 10 now?? I dunno.

But I'm glad you're wearing slimmer clothes and looking forward to even smaller sizes.

Lisa said...

Good for you! Get rid of anything that doesn't fit you right or make you feel great when you wear it. And go buy yourself a new bra that fits properly - it's amazing how much more in shape you look when your boobs are where they are supposed to be. I've lost around 30 lbs this year and I've been going through clothes like crazy. Some shirts only worn once or twice, which is sad cause I have a fairly small wardrobe as it it. But I have promised myself to purge anything that is too large promptly. I decided that if I have to buy bigger clothes again I want it to be as mentally and financially painfull as possible so I can really think about what I'm doing to myself. Most importantly, when I wear clothes that fit right I just feel so much better about myself and carry myself better.. more upright, more self confident. I've also gone through 3 or 4 bras this year too, which is a bummer cause it's so hard to find one that fits right in the first place. However, I am always happy when my clothes are too big - even if it means my boobs are disappearing at an alaming rate. Just the other day (when I was wearing my only bra that fits right) I bumped my boob with my arm and it confused me. I'm so used to having just a boob "area"... now they are becoming individual breasts (with a good bra) and it's just plain weird. fyi, I went from a 42D down to a 40B. Yes the boobs are disappearing, but the fat around my bod is taking it's own sweet time. 40B is not a natural/common size.. just go try to find one. It's like winning the lottery or something lol.

Leslie said...

Good work, Lyn! Your first commenter is so right - sizing is totally different today, in what my daughter refers to as vanity sizing.

It's so good you're doing this while you're still relatively young and still have some shape and good skin quality. I posted pics today that literally made me depressed. So much still to do, and being post menopausal, a lot of the imperfections ain't going away!

I'm with you on black - hides a multitude of sins!

Taryl said...

I bet you look awesome, your brain just needs to catch up. I worry about you wi this, though, because i remember how freaked out you got the last time your weight went low and it triggered all sorts of bingeing and emotional problems for you. You HAVE to make peace with being a normal sized woman, and loving your body, instead of hiding it or being embarrassed, or you will be constantly fighting your desire to run and hide and that can trigger those nasty food behaviors.

You picked one shirt, that is a great baby step. Give it a week or two and I hope you'll be more confident, big boobs, fat arms, and all. You are beautiful and hiding that is a shame :)

Rose B. said...

I LOVE your blog! It is so real and can relate to so much of what you said. When I lose weight, I also have a tough time wearing more fitted clothes because I am not used to the attention especially to certain areas. LOL
CONGRATULATIONS on your weightloss and keep up the good work. From the pictures you have posted, I think you look absolutely AWESOME!

Tracy said...

Hi Lyn!

Looooong time reader, but I tend to be a bit of a lurker ;) I just thought I would chime in on the "bra discovery" change you are going through, as I had a similar thing happen this morning... and I was in shock too.

I know it is hard to adjust to, and as I have read you say many times before that you have subconsciously used the fat as a protector against untoward advances. Having shed a whole lot of that, just adjusting to the weight loss can be a lot to handle. But just like you didn't want to wait to lose weight and live life, you shouldn't wait to live life in cuter clothes! Instead of seeing it as "oh man, I look like I just had a boob job" you can think "wooo my old bras just made me look like I got a lift! For free!" Well, that is what I did this morning at least.

Just remember you DESERVE to look as good as these clothes make you do, and it is unfair to yourself if you don't celebrate how good you look. You have worked so hard to be as healthy and happy as you are, and having that reflect on the outside should be a great bonus for you, not an added stress. So embrace your fabulous figure, and enjoy the added oomph that your "new" old bras have given you. You have earned it!

Magen said...

Wear the wonderful new clothes, but do what's comfortable. Take baby steps and do that thing you mentioned about wearing it around the house first to get comfortable in it.

I bet they look awesome, but you have to feel comfortable in your skin when you do.

Keep up the wonderful work dear. You've been a very big influence in my own weight loss. I'm already down 13 pounds. (only 87 to go... )

therealtwinmom said...

Lynne,

You need to do an internet fashion show for us, so we can tell you how good you look. After a few dozen comments, maybe you'll believe us!!

therealtwinmom said...

Oops - sorry about the misspell, Lyn!

Amy said...

I have been going thru the same issue. I tossed out 5 bras, 10 shorts, about 10 pants but I keep the shirts, 70% of my weigh in my tummy so I have a way to go there.

Your chest look great because there is less above and below it, so there they are ready for the world to see.

Avoid being critical, who cares if the girls look nice. flaunt it, enjoy it, relish in it. Wear a fitting shirt.

Someone told me the key to weight loss success is to imagine yourself where you want to be. Baby steps, imagine what 180 will look like.

You might have to purchase some "in between clothes". Walmart actually has some nice pieces. Someone suggested go elastic, it will last longer until you get closer to your goal.

Tammy said...

You WILL get used to the new you, but I think your plan to wear the really *wow* top at home first might help a bit.

Sizes have changed, as some have noted. People comment, "Well Marilyn Monroe was a size 14." That size 14 would be like a 10 today! Check out old patterns from the 50s (though I seem to recall most patterns run small anyway). Even 15 years ago I was a 13 at the same weight I am now. Today, at this weight (5'10 and 170lbs) I have fit into a 6,7,10,11, and 12 (12 is mostly dresses- for the boobs) in various stores. Mostly I am around a 10. So that's 3 sizes in 15 years that things have changed! That size 13 skirt fits me perfectly now!

Definitely vanity sizing. That's why they had to create sizes like 0 and even 00. Not because people are smaller, but because a 4 is now a 0!

I never thought I'd fit in single-digit sizes at this weight because last time I WAS here, I was a 13! So those people who haven't been out of plus-sized clothes in a while, may be pleasantly surprised at what size they can achieve. Ahh vanity.

Christine said...

Hi, Lyn,

I just finished reading a book called "Passing for Thin: Losing Half My Weight and Finding My Self" by Frances Kuffel. With that book and your posts, I am starting to realize just how "mental" losing weight is. I've often sabotaged myself when losing weight as soon as someone comments - starting with a typing teacher back in high school. He wasn't being creepy or pervy, just nice, but I immediately stopped what I was doing. :( It has happened many times since then and I never really put it together. Thank you for sharing so openly so that the rest of us can realize and make those discoveries, too.

Lori said...

I think I need to go bra shopping!!!
Lori

Jill said...

Hi Lyn,

If you don't like showing the boobs, go out and buy yourself a nice minimizer bra. Then you can still wear the nice-fitting clothes, without feeling self-conscious about your chest. Kohls has some nice ones, that are often on sale.

Big boobs can be crazy to see, especially if you're not used to them; it's okay to only take them out for special occasions!!

Amy Jo said...

Lyn - I used to follow your blog, right up until I moved to China for a year and had blogger, wordpress, etc. blocked by the government. I was going through blog withdrawals! Anyway, now that I'm back I am able to read the archives and dang, girl, you are awesome! You look great and you seem to be so much more confident in yourself. You've had some major growth in the past year. I admired you BEFORE. Now it's just ridiculous :)

Spaghetti Cat said...

I am so beyond proud of you Lyn!!

Joy said...

So glad you got rid of your torn clothes and you have your fat box ready!! Very proud of you ~ that was a big step!! Hugs!!

lynna said...

I am growing increasingly convinced that we live under the tyranny of Madison Avenue. I'm a wheelchair user because of a progressive disability. My body was always my enemy. Once I began loving myself, I started taking care of myself AND celebrating my body. We live under a tyranny of lies that we are only good enough if... we are 36-26-36. I say, "Wear that black shirt that makes you look so amazing, and do it just for YOU, just for your enjoyment. We all deserve to celebrate our beauty.

PurplePoizon said...

YOU GO GIRL!
I am mostly a lurker, having recently embarked on this weight journey myself (down now 35 pounds-ya-hoo) but had to comment on your post.
I soooo loved hearing your bra story. I bought a new one last weekend and same thing, so much so in fact that I went back to my old bras for work and just wore the new one again today. My 9 yr old commented on the boobs and how I look like I "boosted em up"--so I know it's noticeable! Too much for me too!
I found your blog way back a couple months ago when I began my new weight loss battle. Since then I've made the cauliflower pizza, mac and cheese squash and a few others. YOU ROCK!
I must ask, no matter how weird this may come out sounding--what are you doing with all those "fat" clothes?!!! Would you consider donating them to this still fat but workin' on it lady? Just had to ask!

Lyn said...

PurplePoizon~

I have them listed on Craigslist! That's a post in and of itself... meeting people who are so grateful to get these clothes for cheap. I usually sell a whole huge box of nice stuff for $50. And the money is going to help pay the costs of the BIG DOG I am going to get to help me feel more secure in my smaller body :)

KyokoCake said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
KyokoCake said...

Good luck with finding new clothes - I bet it will end up being a really great experience!! Just being able to start over and seeing what looks good on you sounds awesome :)

beerab said...

Remember you can also pay a few dollars at a local dry cleaning store and have the shirt you like tailored down :)