Sunday, May 30, 2010

Yikes, A Gain!

Funny thing. I knew the scale would be up this morning due to the off plan eating with company, but I thought I would have the usual frightened reaction.

"Yikes! A Gain! OMG! I am going to gain all the weight back! I am out of control! What am I gonna do? This is horrible!" followed by hysteria and self deprecation.

I am used to it. A slight fluctuation doesn't bother me. It hasn't since I began daily weighing back in 2007. I graph my weight on Sparkpeople, I see the usual 1-pound ups and downs and note the hormonal correlation, and they just don't bother me anymore. But a bigger gain still used to freak me out, especially if it was related to eating off-plan. I'd get so worried that I was going to flip out and binge and regain all the weight (because that's what I've done in the past) and I'd be terrified I would lose control. It is a *very difficult* thing to regain control when you've totally lost it; it seems almost impossible to yank ones' self back out of the pit of despair once you've fallen all the way back in.

But I am happy today. In fact, I am content. Even though the scale said 206 (in fact, it was a bit *over* 206 but not as close to 207 on my dial, so I'll go with 206), I am fine with that. I weighed 204 last Sunday, so that's a 2 pound gain for the week. I'd gotten down to 203 midway through the week. I gained 3 pounds in 3 days. So why am I content? How can I be happy?

Because I finally have PEACE with the food, with the weight loss and the process. I am *not* out of control. Like I said yesterday, this is life. It's okay to relax and just BE. I no longer have the *need* to focus all my attention on "OMG what can I eat?" and "OMG how will I get control?" I don't have to put all my energy into the Diet-And-Binge mentality like I used to. I think it was a distraction for me. In some warped way I *liked* feeling out of control and being absolutely obsessed with *getting* control. I think it took me away from my *real* problems and my real pain.

So instead of, "Yikes, a Gain!" I feel very much at peace today. Eating healthy, prepping some delicious, freshly-caught salmon for dinner, enjoying a peaceful weekend with my children. My mind is free to focus on and manage the issues that used to lie buried under a mound of ice cream and chocolate sauce and my life is, therefore, improving. My peace is growing and the anxiety that used to plague me is shrinking. I like this place.

Medifast has helped me learn a lot about myself. It's helped me lose the obsession with food and weight loss. But you don't have to be on Medifast or Weight Watchers or Atkins or ANY specific diet to gain this peace. You just have to find what works for *you.* If you have a problems with sugar and carbs, feeling obsessed and driven to eat them even when you don't want to, then going low carb is my recommendation. You can do that by following South Beach, or any other low carb plan such as Medifast. You can start by just cutting out sugar and white flour, and work your way up to a way of eating that is based mainly on lean protein and lots of vegetables. For me, staying under 100 grams of carbs per day is key. I usually stay closer to 85 grams. Lots of protein, too... at least 72 grams, often closer to 100 grams. You can play around with it and make your own plan. When you feel like food is no longer an obsession for you, you know you've hit the jackpot. But the main key is to *never* give up. Keep trying. Fall, get up. Fall, get up. Fall, get up. I have been doing this for almost 3 years. If you put in the time, you WILL get the results.

If you'd like to read about Medifast and why I chose to try it a couple months ago, you can read this post. If you are planning to try it yourself, there's a coupon code here that is expiring soon. I am definitely going to continue Medifast for at least another month.

If you're going to be barbecuing tomorrow, be sure and grill some healthy options. For protein, how about salmon, chicken breasts, lean steak, extra lean ground beef burgers, turkey burgers, or Boca burgers? And don't forget the best part: grilled vegetables! Just toss the veggies in a bit of olive oil and seasonings (salt & pepper or whatever you like) and grill or put on kabobs. I love to grill asparagus, zucchini & summer squash sliced lengthwise (so they don't fall through the grill), eggplant, colored peppers, mushrooms, and onions. Yummy! Have a wonderful Memorial Day weekend!

*FTC-required disclosure: Medifast provided me with its products for my personal use for free. Medifast states an "average weight loss of up to 2 to 5 pounds a week."*


Leslie said...

Inspired post Lyn. This is the peace with food about which I was commenting on your blog yesterday. You are succeeding and you are success. No reaction machine. Just acceptance of the imperfect walk of weight loss, nourishment and self care.

Greek Girl from Queens said...

Lyn, of all the weight-loss/weight issue blogs I read and subscribe to, yours has continually inspired, motivated and comforted me the most. Especially today - my beloved hubby was rushed into the hospital via ambulance this past Thursday, due to severe and agonizing stomach pain. He's still in there, and they're still doing tests, prodding, poking, injecting him (22 injections since Thursday!!!), but no closer to finding out what's wrong with him, as all the tests so far are coming out 'normal' or 'okay.'

Although my hubby keeps telling me that I should be feeling relieved that it's not 'x' or 'y' illness or diagnosis, I have instead been feeling much more scared, much more anxious, BECAUSE they can't confirm some sort of definitive diagnosis after all these tests and scans and x-rays, and so, because I'm an emotional/comfort eater, my eating has been completely, seemingly hopelessly out of control since Thursday.

Even though I've lost 73 pounds via Weight Watchers (a year and a half since I got to Goal), and I've struggled but managed to keep myself focused and below or right in that 5 pound leeway margin, but over these past four days, I feel like I'm losing all control, all focus, and I'm scared - terrified, to be honest - that I will very easily and very shortly gain it all back if I don't find a way to pull the reigns in and get control back.

Reading your posts every day have truly helped me. Especially today's post. You are so honest, so brave, so genuine, and so 'real' - and I applaud you for all that you've achieved on your journey.

Thank you so much for this blog of yours, Lyn. It has helped me so much, in so many ways, on so many levels. Reading the post today has made me feel a little bit better about losing contol of my eating and my focus Thanks for helping me feel that I'm human, and not an out-of-control eating machine freak of some kind (as I've felt so many times in the past).

Lyn said...

Greek Girl from Queens~

Oh my goodness, you are really going through some major stress right now. I truly hope everything works out and they find the cause of your husband's pain. But please know you are reacting to the anxiety in a pretty normal way, by self comforting. Take it easy on yourself, maybe do some things that soothe you whether that be a long walk, a bubble bath, a massage... something to release that stress so you don't feel so compelled to eat your emotions.

HUGS to you and your husband. Take care.

spunkysuzi said...

You must have read my mind, we had bbq'd chicken breast, hubs had it on a whole wheat bun and i had it on a salad :)
I totally agree that we have to find out what works for us. It's taken me ages to get to where i am now. But once you find it you really do know when you get it!

Mom to the Fourth Power said...

I love your attitude of not focusing on the cycle of food. I am doing medifast too and it is the perfect program for me and my husband! How did you get yours for free?

Love the grilling ideas! Thanks!! Have a Terrific Weekend!


Lyn said...

Mom to the Fourth Power~

Medifast contacted me a couple months ago and offered me their products to try in return for blogging about them. I've done reviews for other companies before and am always blunt and honest and tell them up front that if their product is icky or lame I will say so. But this one, IMO, is a winner :)

Anonymous said...

Add this to your pile, but I left you an award on my blog!
I love your site.

Spaghetti Cat said...

great post and great attitude. The general trend is far more important than one week, and you seem emotionally at peace with your decisions!
Your blog continues to be a great source of honest inspiration for me :)
Thank you lyn.

that TOPS lady said...

It sounds like you've got your head screwed on straight....that's awesome!

Miz said...

always always wise and inspiring.
this is why you shall succeed.

are succeeding.

xo xo


Christine said...

Lyn, I love your posts. I know you hear it a lot, but you really have inspired me to get started on a healthier path.

Do you measure out all your food? How do you know how much 75 grams is? (I'm sorry if this is answered in a previous post I just haven't found yet.)

Lyn said...


Yes, I measure out my food. I have a food scale and I weigh out my 5-7oz of protein, and then for the veggies I usually just measure with a measuring cup but sometimes with the scale. I know the protein grams and carb grams because Medifast has a free online meal tracker, very simple, and it tells me how many grams of everything I have had. However, Medifast is pretty simple and one does not HAVE to track anything as long as they follow the guidelines: 5 Medifast prepackaged meals plus the a protein from the allowed list and 3 veggies from the allowed list equals 75-85g carbs and at least 72g protein.

Lisa said...

You're doing an amazing job Lyn, your words about how you used to be when you saw a gain on the scale could have been mine. Unfortunately I still freak out when I see a gain, not so much if I expected it, but if I'm on plan and I see a gain then I panic. But I am slowly learning to focus on the good behaviours and progress I've made so far, and hopefully the reactions will lessen over time.

Happy Fun Pants said...

I gained three pounds from yesterday to this morning.

The thing is, what I filled up on yesterday was denser foods...well, and a marvelous slice of cheesecake.

What I realized as I stepped on the scale was that the number was just feedback - nothing more, nothing less.

I've actually got a lot more thoughts on I'll probably turn this into a post - yay for inspiration! :)